Son's grandfather is taking me to court

[xx200xx]

Hello,
So I'm currently in a refuge due to my sons father, we have been going through family court proceedings for a few months now and a non molestration was accepted and now going through child visitation proceedings. Contact between my son and his father is going to be going ahead but when judges decided what's the best approach. My son is 1 year old.

However my ex partners father has just applied for court also to try and take me som. He's accusing me of child abuse ans neglect. His concerns are that he has not seen my child for 10 weeks and he don't know where I am. My sons father and grandfather live together and have definitely teamed up now to try and get my son. The grandfather has said I neglected my son since birth and I did cocaine on a daily basis. This is all lies. They would all tell me how much of a good mother I am.

Social services even said they had no concerns over me. I'm just so worried now because the grandfather is trying to take me son away from me. I now need another CAFCASS interview even tho I'm already going through the proocedings of this.

Any advice please??? I'm so scared

I just wanna state again I would never ever do back to cannabis!!! I'm genuinely happier now!!

You will be absolutely fine! The Grandad sounds a bit irrational. You sound like a great Mum! You've gone to baby groups from your baby being 6 weeks old . You no longer have ss in your life. Sorry, you're in a refuge,hopefully won't be for too long. Good luck 👍

Did you have a thread about this already? The ex boyfriend who molested you and abused you needs documented by the police if it hasn’t been done already. Yes, the grandfather ‘doesn’t know’ where the baby is because you’re in a refuge after his son attacked and molested you. The coke snorting a few months ago isn’t ideal, but you just need to follow the advice of your solicitor.

Having an abuser for a father is deeply damaging, so your infant will need lifelong support for that, sadly. Ideally the molester will be prosecuted and have supervised access to the baby. He should no longer have access to you by phone calls, only in emails.

Thankyou❤️ we are now looking for are permission home but I just hope my baby can stay with me forever. Everyone is telling me not to worry and I'm overthinking this. So hard not too tho x

Yes this was throughout my pregnancy, I did go to the police but they said with not a lot of evidence it will be hard. He's denied every alligation in court and twisted everything on to me. I just can't keep up with all these court hearings , it feels like that family alll against me and they will never stop until my child is seeing them again.

Fully have faith in you🍀, just keep in mind that you are now in a court process so some things while not vital for you (a course on drug effects or something similar) may help for that (being harsh again sorry, you sound a bit naive when mentioning it, while you’ve done the most important part ie stopping, and I would hate that to go against you - your solicitor will be your best advice for this though).
Glad to hear you’ve reconnected with your mum and your LO is developing well most importantly. You can get this sorted, just stay in good touch with your solicitor, sorry I guess it’s my nature due to my work to be paranoid about ensuring your best chances.

Have you had any support from the rape crisis charity, or trauma specialists? It all sounds horrific. Hopefully the sex offender will be prosecuted.

@Godlovesall26 yes I understand anything to show I'm doing the best for my son I would happily do!!

I will speak to my solicitor on Tuesday and get some advice. Thankyou.

(I know from experience of CSA that the police are beyond useless, but strive for prosecuting the sex offender. For yourself, society and the poor infant he created.)

OP I remember your previous thread and I think you're very brave and it's clear to me as a complete stranger that you are a loving and caring mother. The court will see this- they are well used to getting the measure of people and I'm sure they will have come up against nasty characters like your ex and his father before.
Keep doing what you're doing- you're young and putting your sin first completely and they will see that. It's good news that your mum is back in your life but don't let anyone let you lose your focus- that little boy who is your world- you're doing this for him.
Good luck and well done.

I was in contact with victim support but due to me being in a refuge there wasn't anything they could offer until I'm in my own home unfortunately.
We are not going ahead with prosecution as I been adviced there is little evidence to support me on this. He was getting looked at for ABH nothing is getting done as a non mol was put in place. Contact will still be doing ahead but we are waiting on section 7 reports. But now it looks like I'm going to have to section 7 reports :(

Thankyou so much for this❤️❤️

I’m an over thinker too (X child in care seems upset, knowing they had a family contact yesterday, just always issues), but I believe if you handle it rationally in these situations precaution can be soothing.

What helps me is lists with : I write down the worry => I think about what possible solutions I could handle it by. If I réalise I’m stuck, I pass it over to someone more senior (in your case, your solicitor for ex). It stops me from dwelling on things but still allows me to have my little overthinking bit.

Not saying it’s at all comparable of course

It’s sickening that funding has been cut to women’s services and refuges to the point where sex offenders prowl loose in society and can access infants of their victims. I’m sorry the police have failed you so badly, OP.

It’s not a “MN myths”. Grandparents have to apply for permission to apply for contact. There is no legal right which is why they have to go down this route. And it varies depending on circumstances whether permission would even be granted. It’s not that easy.

And it’s not a bloody myth.

As have child services. If I intervene on a doubt then I’m being excessive, if I don’t and I was right all the blame’s on me. I take the first route, but there’s just not enough time. And I’m only a junior.

Your SW will be conscious that your child’s father and gF might make accusations and will weigh that with what they know about your child, you and the way you parent. It sounds like they thing you are a good parent.

You acknowledge that you have smoked weed after your baby is asleep, or taken cocaine on nights out. Being honest is really important and the SW will appreciate that. You sound like you want to be the best mum you can. So all I’d say is keep that in mind…make sure when you have sole care of your baby you aren’t doing anything that would alert your SW.

if you can get good childcare, then it’s fine to go and have fun (within reason, SW get worried about drug use and they should do), but you clearly know what you should and shouldn’t be doing when you are sole carer of your baby.

Keep doing the right things, work in a positive way with your SW, ask for support if you need it and you will both be ok. It’s really important that you work with them and let them support you.

No advice OP but wanted to wish you good luck.

If Grandparents can prove they have a relationship with the child and it is in the child’s bests interests for this to continue, then they can be awarded contact in their own right

He hasn’t got a chance in hell
just know that ! Be secure in that
it’s scary bullying behaviour

but no chance x

How can he prove he does? Like he said he lived there was us all the time since birth but that's not true he wasn't there all the time.
They had a relationship but he isn't a good role model one bit for many reasons

Just my opinion but this is how I’d tackle it:
2 pronged attack —- First, you must be squeaky clean, no drugs, no getting drunk. Never smoke near your child. Your baby is clean, fed, dressed, well cared for. You look tidy, clean, caring. Make sure there is baby milk, food, nappies. No dirty dishes lying around. Get baby books from the library, make sure your lo has some toys.
All these things should go without saying and be done anyway, not just a way of trying to prove she’s a good mum.

xx200xx

he hasn’t seen the baby because there is a non mol against his fucking son
and his son is an abuser probably because he witnessed his dad do it

as my therapy says ‘monkey see , monkey do’

so he can throw accusations all he liked but the very fact you have a non mol against his son says it all really

I don't think half of mums with babies are doing cocaine on nights out.

Have you got any close friends OP that are "clean" and really understand your situation? Lean on them too for support if you can. If not, have you had any counselling? Agree with pp that you would probably benefit from some trauma based counselling - it sounds like you're doing really well in anycase, but trauma can have a nasty habit of throwing things up for you when you least expect it. Especially if you're (rightly) throwing yourself into meeting your baby's needs, it can be easy to bury your own feelings/reactions to what has happened to you. Might be worth thinking about talking it all through with a professional to ensure you're processing everything in as healthy way as you can. Really wish you luck and continued strength x