Son's grandfather is taking me to court

[xx200xx]

Hello,
So I'm currently in a refuge due to my sons father, we have been going through family court proceedings for a few months now and a non molestration was accepted and now going through child visitation proceedings. Contact between my son and his father is going to be going ahead but when judges decided what's the best approach. My son is 1 year old.

However my ex partners father has just applied for court also to try and take me som. He's accusing me of child abuse ans neglect. His concerns are that he has not seen my child for 10 weeks and he don't know where I am. My sons father and grandfather live together and have definitely teamed up now to try and get my son. The grandfather has said I neglected my son since birth and I did cocaine on a daily basis. This is all lies. They would all tell me how much of a good mother I am.

Social services even said they had no concerns over me. I'm just so worried now because the grandfather is trying to take me son away from me. I now need another CAFCASS interview even tho I'm already going through the proocedings of this.

Any advice please??? I'm so scared

Half the world is doing cocaine on nights out, I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Habitual cannabis use or drinking would impair your parenting much more.

afaik grandparents have no rights to access. Let him take you to court.

I was doing cannabis daily due to the situation I was in as a cooo g mechanism, I admitted to that to CAFCASS already while sons dad has lied to them. Ever since leaving I have not touched it and don't plan to touch it. I would never do it while my sons awake tbf. But I'm being honest there lying so much

Please no judgement again :(

I will be honest I'm in my early 20s and I know that shouldn't matter . But I'm still learning and making mistakes but I can own up to them and not lie about them. That situation with my sons dad drained me so bad where I did turn to cannabis for instance. But I always admit to this and it's something I regret dally. While the other party Denys doing all of this.
It's so hard

Hair tests can show much longer (standard procedure is 3 months yes though), in your case I’d ask for a year to be done against him. What I’m unsure of is there are test which detect the actual approximate level of use (which could be very much to your advantage if he’s not a couple nights out only user). Good for you for no use since January. But I’d push for longer for him definitely. Do you think he’s been using ? He may have just created his own downfall hopefully. As for you, you’ve done great, please keep it up.
I would imagine your solicitor / GP / local police station number, would know all about it, definitely ask.

We cross posted sorry.
January is a long time ago, just keep it up. Try to demonstrate you have other coping mechanisms (by this, I mean, you clearly already have developed them : he’s out, the drugs went out with him).
Do you think he or his family have still been using ? Your solicitor will advise, but I’d insist on long term tests for the lot of the them.

They can deny all they want, tests don’t lie

So the court are planning on drug testing me and child's father at the nect hearing. So that's being considered. Yes I know my sons father has been doing cocaine because he was inboxing my family at 3/4 in the morning so that shows to me he is.

I know the grandfather don't do drugs only when he was younger, however he goes to the pub and gets drunk every single night

There’s blood tests for alcohol prolonged use as well. Although I think less black and white than drugs, I’m unsure.
I would try to stay calm and wait for your solicitor on Tuesday, in the meantime there should be helplines you could call if needing reassurance, except I’m new here and originally European so I don’t know them, hopefully PP can advise

Do you have any other support network ? You’re young and sound a little alone, I hope you mind me saying. There could me more resources out there for you

Sorry to ask though, as I just saw the cannabis daily update, but was that after baby? So who was in care of baby ?

Please note you have no need to answer my questions.

OP, your SW had no concerns about your parenting.

It will be quite obvious that the grandfather is making malicious allegations about neglect given the abusive behaviour of his son.

Just cooperate with the process, be honest, show what a great Mum you are, be glad you got away from him and be proud you looked for safety.

Does the refuge have any support service you can talk to?

Op
Honestly regardless of the court case. You need to stop with the drug taking whether your son is
Awake or not. It will come against you if you don't .

I’m getting the impression both parents have used drugs at different levels. OP said cannabis daily, not while baby awake, but what if emergency ?
Hopefully as OP has disclosed all of this, and SW if I understand correctly have no further concerns given the time lapse and change of circumstances affecting the change, she will be ok.
But still should keep her guards up to be safe. Courts should know about her ex partner’s use in detail at the very least.

Just cooperate with the process, be honest, show what a great Mum you are, be glad you got away from him and be proud you looked for safety.

I agree with this and would also suggest that you steer clear of drugs from now on and just have small amounts of alcohol. You’re responsible for another human being now so you have to consider him with every decision you make. Good luck. 💐

@Godlovesall26

So all my family live far away so it's kind of a alone feeling, my sons father was ringing social services on me to stop me from seeing my mum due to her issues however she has now overcome them.!

I will be honest yes after I had the baby, I begged my child's father to a stop and he wouldn't but then gradually he kept asking me to have some and some turnt into more. I use to do it before I was pregnant so in a way the situation I was in it way easy to give in, I hate to say it. I helped me relax for a while. I was always able to care for my baby always and I would never do it while he was awake so by the time he woke up I wasn't high anymore. It was so hard and I hated myself for this. Learning to forgive myself now

I can speak to them, they said they have no concerns and they can tell I'm a brilliant mum and have no concerns

I was always able to function on cannabis I wouldn't do it if not. It didn't stop me functioning at any different level. I just thought it helped my mental health at the time but maybe I was wrong.

Yes I have now stayed clear of any drugs, and as stated previously I don't feel the need to touch any cannabis or drugs for that record again. My sons my main priority.

I have already stated I am not doing drugs anymore? I feel no need to, I don't even have a drink no more. It's just me and my son in a refuge so I'm watched like a hawk as it is.

Are they supportive ? Good on your mum, like mum like daughter it seems, brave women🍀. Just absolutely keep it up. I was just wondering if you could access counseling services really, you don’t deserve to be alone in all this. We all make mistakes yes, but you’re trying so hard but it seems like you’re unsure who exactly to turn to. I hope my messages didn’t sound harsh, you do I think need a further talk with your solicitor about how to express your past in a legal situation to ensure you ring fence yourself, and also damn attack them back!

Also to add I no longer have social services or a social worker. She discharged me

That's really good you've been discharged from SS and have the refuge on board, I'm sure that will count for a huge amount, as they are witness to being a loving and responsible mother. I'm certain social workers will be able to see through malicious allegations. Do you think the grandad is lying or being lied to by the father and he believes it? If he is genuinely concerned perhaps arrange for contact with just the grandad at a contact centre to reassure him? Is this a possibility?

@Godlovesall26

Thankyou for your words❤️

No it's fine tbh sometime sounding harsh is the only way. I'm just filled with so much anxiety.

I have been doing peer mentor sessions, but my last session was Tuesday and now today I received this. My new GP is so hard to get an appointment. Just wish this could all be over. It's so scary

The grandad is lying, his and his sons statements say different things. My social worker could see through both of them already.

The grandfather tried wrecking my stuff like clothes and electronics and also trying to add all my family on Facebook and inboxing people he don't know to try and find me. He is seeing my son when my sons father sees him as that was gonna be the plan. So I'm not sure why all of a sudden he's done this

You sound like you are doing really well and turning your life around for the good of you and your baby. Well done 👏
He is trying to scare you. Stay strong. Ask if you can still speak to a counsellor if you need.

So your first sentence is an example of what I meant about wording in my previous post. I work with children in care, I don’t think that way of saying it would go down well (but I’m not senior enough, I’m 32 and work with the children). The reality is, you would never have been able to function the same way. But you were young, desperate, pressured, and felt it was the only way to keep going.
The most important thing is you were brave, you got out, you stopped use (I can say if it helps that unfortunately parents who managed to stop were not frequent, you did great at getting out in time and having that strength, and if the ex is still deep in it it will be noticed definitely, do insist for those tests), keep going.