Husband obsessed with what I wear

[Taurusseason]

I am at the point of walking out now (not really because of kids).

over the past 3 years my husband has been obsessed with what I wear and telling me what’s inappropriate.

I am under 40 with 3 kids. I have always been into clothes in terms of buying new bits from asos/ people often say I am “glam”. I am not skinny.

Today he tells me it’s inappropriate to wear leggings as it “shows off my body” and he can’t believe I did. I had a day off and wore ribbed leggings with an oversized t shirt which came half way over my bum.

Last summer I remember I wore quite a short Zara non fitted dress but wore shorts underneath just incase. It’s rare I wear short dresses tbh but I really liked this one. He went mad and we had a massive row over it.

Before I go to work he will check what I am wearing, he never controls what I wear but makes comments. I wore a long but figure hugging button up dress a few times and he said it’s not appropriate- girls at work said I looked nice.

I usually wear midi dresses in the week but sometimes I will wear a shorter mid thy dress with black opaque tights. He said married women should wear knee length clothes.

I never have my chest out as I am very self conscious of it having had 3 children.

I wear leggings and a jumper or t shirt if I’m just locally around sorting the kids out. I find fitted bottoms look better as baggy things make me feel like I look bigger as I am not very slim.

I feel like I have had enough of this now.

Oh he said I am obviously doing it for male attention.

I have never heard anything so ridiculous. When I was younger I would spend my whole salary on clothes. Didn’t give a damn about male attention just liked looking good.

He said married women should wear knee length clothes

For that comment alone, he deserves the Dick of the Year award.

He is controlling you though because you are conscious of it and it is making you unhappy. Making comments is controlling and you are right to be fed up with it.

why has this started in the last 3 years?!

Wtf?

He is awful

Obviously my response is LTB

Tell him married women or any woman for that matter can wear whatever she wants to wear.

Maybe I’ve improved my style more again recently after the maternity phase as I have had about 7yrs looking awful/ pregnant breast feeding.

kids are 3, 6, 9.

I hope you’re commenting to him about what a mess he looks, needs to get some dress sense, don’t go out of the house looking like that

What a knob.
This will grind down your confidence, one outfit at a time

The only response his comments deserve is ‘I don’t give a toss what you think’.

And walk away.

this is scarily controlling. You are not his property! Your body belongs to no one but you.

I also worry about the message this is sending your children. :(

it’s not at all ok, and sometimes this can escalate.

Ask him what clothes he thinks divorced women should wear

He’s a complete fud. Does he do this in other aspects of your relationship?

That’s what I say but he says I don’t respect him because I do as I please! I feel it shows a mismatch of values between us which is a big issue.

Before I go to work he will check what I am wearing, he never controls what I wear but makes comments.

This would still be part of the 'controlling' family of behaviour even if he isn't outright ordering you to do or not do something.

What a disgusting nasty husband. Mine is the total opposite always compliments me whatever I wear

Well he’s right - you’re values are mismatched.

you believe in bodily autonomy and your ability as a functioning adult to dress yourself. He believes you’re his chattel and he has the right to dictate your dress and behaviour. He’s a misogynist.

does he do as he pleases or does he show his respect for you by being an equal parent/housekeeper? I doubt it somehow …

every time he comments just tell him "i didn't ask and maybe if you made more of an effort you wouldn't be so jealous"

but frankly, this level of behaviour is both controlling and concerning. because you won't even notice but you will start changing the way you dress, your confidence will diminish bit by bit.

it might not be the healthiest way to deal with but i'd honestly lose my shit and try to get to the bottom of it IF you think is out of the ordinary behaviour. otherwise he is ramping up his control and you should be getting your ducks in a row just in case

Mirror his behaviour so he gets to see how ridiculous it feels to be on the receiving end of it.

Tight jeans? No way. He can;t go out wearing those. Rolled up shirt sleeved? Has he any idea how many women say their favourite part of the male body is the forearm. Full length sleeves all summer please or you'll know he's trying to pull. Shorts? He's got to be kidding. Not even on the beach. Is that a tie? Is he trying to imply he is management and therefore loaded which he knows appeals to a certain type of woman. Why is he dressing in that suggestive way?

Keep at it with a straight face for as long as you can. He'll get the message.

Never allow a man to tell you how you should look, what you should wear. Kudos to you for having your own style and your own mind and dressing up and enjoying it. My ex used to comment my hair styles and complain that I do not want to grow my hair because he likes it that way. The worst thing is that he had the same hair the whole time we were together (25 years) and I hated it, but he never bothered to change. I also know some women who will tell you that you should "look good for your man". I say, forget it, do what you want and if he continues to pester you, get rid.

The gas ring under the saucepan is on. You can hop out, or be frog soup.

This is controlling, and it will get worse.

He is abusive and very, very controlling. Put him in the bin.

Is he belonging to a culture that is very strict about how women dress? He sounds to have serious jealousy issues. Does he comment if you talk to another man? Or does he make sure you never get a chance? Does he interfere with your Friends ? It's not good.

exactly this!