On disability - moving in with DP or bad idea?

[Prettyoverpink]

Just after some advice, im on disability and managing financially, however now seriously considering moving in with DP of 12 months as we live in seperate towns and we both feel like it would make life a lot easier. At the moment he stays over a few nights a week but its difficult with his work to keep travelling back and forth plus we would see more of each other if living together.

We're both smitten by each other and i know this is the one! Im just worried about losing my money and independence, because he works i will lose my income, but is that a good enough reason to continue this two household backwards and forwards for the rest of our lives?

This leaves you very vulnerable. The only money that would be truly yours would be your pip. Does he understand that he would be supporting you almost fully?

Be practical , discuss everything with him in detail.

No children involved. We both have grown up children. I'm on old style ESA with PIP. He works full time in a reasonably paid job.

We have discussed it as hr says he's happy to support me. However I'm worried if things do go wrong Im going to end up a lot worse off. Its difficult to be practical when all we want to do is be together and we're both so happy and feel invincible.

I dont have to do job searches no, have a few chronic health issues.
We both rent, but are looking to either move in together and rent or try and buy something. He makes roughly 35k a year

Will you lose ESA? Housing Benefit etc? Financially, will he have to support you to make up for the loss of other benefits?

Which home will you move into? If the relationship broke down six months later, where would that leave you? Would you ask him to leave or would you be forced to look for a new home?

In my area, there are no rentals coming onto the market and huge numbers of ex-rental properties being sold off. It seems to be similar to across much of the country.

Tbh, after just a year in a relationship, I think you'd be mad to join households. It is very risky for you.

Yes but you're both older, not lovestruck teens or young adults. So put your logical hats on and go through the practical arrangements. Anyone can say they're happy to support you but what does it mean in practical? What would you need as support? What can he offer as support? And vice versa.

Loving feelings can wait.

I won't go on about how difficult esa or new equivalent is to get , as you obviously know. But I would tread very carefully op , practically is an absolute must. 12 months is not long to know someone and trust them to this extent.

I guess the question for me - are you both ready to get married?
This would be the only reason I’d give up some financial security for.
As it seems in this situation - you give up a lot. While for him - there is no downside if relationship goes sour.

If 1 year isn’t yet long enough for the two of you decide on a long term commitment - it is certainly NOT long enough for you to give up your income.

And from his side, he nay be feeling the same as you but supporting someone especially when you have no commitments (marriage, children) is no small feat. He may be happy to do so now until the burden becomes too much. What then? He may realise he's bitten more than he can chew.

So I wouldn't give up my source of income unless all these have been ironed out. Even then, it's tricky because no one knows tomorrow.

Sorry, at the moment yes i also get housing benefit. Im 54, he's 48. And yes its been a big struggle to even get esa to begin with.

We both live alone and rent separately. I just assumed moving in together would mean i lose entitlement?
We have talked about marriage, even after a few months we both knew we wanted to be together long term and it just all felt right. Im aware things can change though and honeymoon period etc, at the moment i only see him 3-4 days a week and its getting me down.

If part of your esa claim is contributions based then you would keep that and PIP which together is a decent amount.

His salary is low to support 2 of you.

I don't personally think 35k salary is low, especially if you then do get contributions based ESA and PIP on top although it does depend what rates of those benefits. I would check your ESA award letter or give them a call to see if the income related part stops you may still have the contributions based part which can continue. Were you working before you became disabled or never worked ?

I think you both need to have a proper focussed sit down budgeting session, with all your bills to hand and a spreadsheet, before you start making romantic decisions. It’s one thing for him to feel now, in the honeymoon stage, that he wants to support you financially and won’t resent it. It may well be quite another when he sees how his bank account looks after paying all the bills he has now plus the extra bills a second person brings to the household and the things on top that you need and want as well. You both have to be really clear what that’s all going to look like.

I personally wouldn’t do it, if I were either of you. I wouldn’t risk my money if I were him, and I wouldn’t risk my independence if I were you. And in your case, particularly not since, as the unemployed one, you’re inevitably going to fall into the role of doing all the shitwork at home and creating more of a power imbalance that way.