On disability - moving in with DP or bad idea?

[Prettyoverpink]

Just after some advice, im on disability and managing financially, however now seriously considering moving in with DP of 12 months as we live in seperate towns and we both feel like it would make life a lot easier. At the moment he stays over a few nights a week but its difficult with his work to keep travelling back and forth plus we would see more of each other if living together.

We're both smitten by each other and i know this is the one! Im just worried about losing my money and independence, because he works i will lose my income, but is that a good enough reason to continue this two household backwards and forwards for the rest of our lives?

Firstly do a benefit check and complete it as if he is living with you. Would give you an idea of what you would be entitled to

www.entitledto.co.uk

Your esa is likely to be impacted but pip is non means tested

You sound like a loved up teenager.
You see him three/four times a week and it's getting you down? There are married couples that see each other less than that!
Be practical and actually check what you would be entitled to claim whilst living with him.
It sounds to me like you have already made the decision, you just wanted people on here to tell you it will be okay and to go for it!

Have you even bothered to check if you would lose your benefits?

Hmm, you’re very much in the honeymoon phase. Given your circumstances, what you are suggesting is a very big deal and the fact that you haven’t checked how this would impact your benefits, suggests that you haven’t thought this sufficiently through.

Given how new and tenuous your relationship is, I'd wait for at least another 12 months.

Is your esa contribution based?
If so I believe you can still get that but if income based your DP wages would be taken into account but would trigger a move to Universal Credit
PIP would be unaffected of course
( I'm on ESA cont based and enhanced PIP) so although it would be nice for him to move in
PLEASE do think and research very carefully before discussing with DP
You would also lose 25% council tax benefit discount

I'm 55, and in the same situation, I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 14 years and it's the main reason I won't live with him. No way on Earth would I give up my financial independence and housing association accommodation for someone I'm not married to...and even then I'd think twice about it.

I divorced my first husband when I was 24 and due to poor decisions I made in a hurry (and was emotionally blackmailed into financially supporting my mother) I ended up homeless for awhile. I've vowed that I won't end up putting myself at risk of that ever again.

If the relationship breaks down it may be very difficult for you to get rehoused on benefits without a job. It's always been difficult to find landlords to take benefit claimants but this is accelerating with more landlords selling up due to legal changes. For that reason alone I wouldn't move if I were you as there is a risk you may become homeless. Maybe wait until you can afford to buy together and you could also consider marriage.

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Also, with the current housing market, how are you buying a house on a single 35k income??
You are bringing nothing financially, apart from PIP. If this were the other way round we would be advising you not to do it...

@Sirloinwithlove I hope you're wrong!

Im on income based ESA not contributions based unfortunately. So will probably have to say goodbye to that, and housing benefit, although its good that pip will be safe. Its not me pushing to move in against his wishes, he's pushing for it too so we're definitely on the same page in terms of the future of the relationship.

I am concerned its a risk if it all goes wrong, but then i think whats the point of having independence if im misersble half the week and miss him and feeling like that indefinitely with no end in sight?

He's always rented as he used to work away a lot and worked abroad for a while too. And im aware i might sound like a loved up teenager however rather that than stuck in some loveless relationship like so many people seem to be, never thought i find anyone who felt that way about me especially at my age, he's definitely "the one" 😊
Just wish things weren't so complicated!

Can you not rent flats or own flat in same block .

I wouldn’t. The rental market is insane. I’m a lone parent with a decent income and it took me twice as long as usual to find someone who didn’t sneer at my divorced status. My brother is on the same benefits as you and is now back with our Dad after his relationship broke down as he couldn’t find anyone who would rent to him. Awful.

He could move closer to you so you can see each other everyday but still not be living together.

Have you been on holiday together for at leasr 2 weeks?

I would question why you feel miserable for half the week as it suggests you are a little too dependent on him. I get that the relationship is exciting at this early stage but wait another year at least before making such a big decision.

There is a risk this may not work out and the downside if it fails could have major consequences for you, such as homelessness. If you lose ESA are NI payments made towards your state pension? If not then check what your entitlement to a pension is.

Do your children visit? would they be impacted by the move?

I honestly don't see how he benefits from you living together, and if it all goes wrong then you are really screwed. Tread very very carefully here OP. This has the potential to go very wrong. And £35k is very little to support two adults.

OP, I know that you have said that your ESA is income related, but please double check this, as you may have the old contribution based (usually pre 12th of December 2018) and may just have the top up/premiums that are paid as income related.

The decision letters are not overly clear to be fair, so definitely worth checking.

If it is partially contribution based then, you will keep it along with PIP.

You will likely, based on his earnings lose HB & Council Tax, so there would be no force on to UC as his earnings and if you have the contribution based ESA, are then taken into account, so your couples applicable amount on UC is probably lower than the income you would jointly have.

Not sure what type of accommodation you are in, but if Social housing, then please don’t ever have him added to the tenancy (you may not be allowed to anyway).

Deffo not, I wouldn't risk it. Too much to loose.

Having read your update, I honestly wouldn't risk it after a year
Can't he move closer to you?
He might use more fuel and time but on what you've posted, all the risk and changes are yours

Trying to reply to the comments, it's definitely income based as i was a stay at home mum and yes my esa goes towards pension credit. Im currently in a housing association property, dp rents privately. The problem is when he stays here it's a long drive to work for him so he only stays 3 or at a push 4 nights a week, and the other nights im on my own which i dont like, and we both miss each other when we're not together.

It just seems pointless to be sat at home on my own messaging him when we should be together like a proper couple. And what if he gets fed up of all the driving back and forwards? I dont drive and when we're together he stays here, because of the driving really but also because im more comfortable here, his place is more a bachelor pad vibe to it.

My son visits very occasionally, maybe twice a year, so thats not a problem at all. He has two daughters both grown up so can't imagine it being a problem either.

Im so in love with him it literally hurts when we're apart, however naff that sounds, i hate it.

Do not give up a HA tenancy fgs! Get him to move closer but to his own place.

This.

Yours is a relatively new relationship, op. You sound overly reliant on your bf - why? You shouldn't be miserable when you're not with him! What else do you have in your life?

And why do you only see your son twice a year?