Lost DH and all my friends

[lostthemall]

Currently in a middle of a divorce. I'm more relieved than anything because towards the end I suspected something was up but was always told that I was paranoid or insecure.

Last week I found out that all my friends knew for months but collectively decided not to say anything to me because they didn't know what to say and that it was never the right time. What kind of fucking friends are these? They sat there watching me gush about STBXH and talk about our future plans. I was planning our 5th anniversary surprise trip FFS. How can they sit there smiling and suggesting things to do and hotels we can stay at when they knew he was off screwing someone else? I sat there talking about how insecure I was about the relationship because he was distant and they told me I had nothing to be insecure about and that he loves me. It's like I lost everyone overnight. Maybe the anger and sadness will come but for now it feels like I'm all alone again.

I feel so devastated for you! What fucking shit friends- perhaps they didn't want to hurt you!
But even if that's the case, then they are not good friends!
It heartbreaking as you've ended things with your hubby and friends! But you need to stay strong, focus on the people who care about you, remember that you're "someones sky full of stars," and YOU WILL 2000000000 PERCENT BE HAPPY AGAIN!!

I have an unpleasant mind? 😅 You're a comedian.
The "friends" were literally encouraging op to book stuff for a surprise trip with the bastard and then probably had a good gossip about her for months, I'm sure their and your minds are more unpleasant than mine. Are you one of the said friends yourself?

I don’t know about the lack of evidence argument. Years ago the husband of a close friend was out and about (constantly) while she was at home with her very young children. I was told (by mutual friends) that his behaviour was off but they couldn’t put their finger on it. I didn’t witness it but she meant so much to me that I told her that I had heard concerns about his behaviour and that it had been shared with me. She brushed it aside but wasn’t angry in the slightest at me, just grateful that I hadn’t let the rumours come to me without telling her. We have a very good and trusting friendship. A few months later she found out he’d been having an affair for a year the gut feeling everyone was having was right. I was able to be there for her knowing I had done the right thing.

@lostthemall I hope you’re ok this morning. Just a thought but ‘leave a cheater gain a life’ is a great book and might help you right now.

Ouch, I'm not surprised you're hurt and upset, friends are usually the people you lean on in these circumstances.

I can understand their hesitation in telling you about him having an affair. It's a delicate, tightrope to tread with friends, but how many people on here have said they wish someone has told them their dh was having an affair, or when an op asks 'should she tell her friend she's seen her dp with another woman', the resounding response is yes.

But what on Earth possessed them to try and convince you his change in behaviour was due to him being stressed and to book future surprises for him? I'd be sat thinking they actively covered for him and protected him over your feelings. Imo they aren't friends, and not only do you need a new dh you need new friends

Ah, that explains your sour reply to my post.
Well yes, you are a shit friend. With friends like you, who needs enemies.