Has anyone dated a surgeon

[Ccvyvyan]

Are They troublesome to date with the work schedule? I’ve got a date with a guy from work but he seems like a stress person and wondering what am I letting myself in for. 🌲

He's happy and she's happy. It's not traditional, they're not a nuclear family, but it works for them so I don't judge. They go on dates and love eachother's company, they have a lot of fun together, their relationship is actually very smooth sailing. Their personal lifestyles would be appalling for most people to be in a relationship with but their jagged edges somehow fit together perfectly.

I know lots of couples in more "traditional" husband and wife and kids and a labradoodle setups who are far more unhappy than they are. It's not about fitting yourself into the expected mould but about finding someone who fits you, and they've done that. I'm happy that they're happy, even if it's weird.

I hope she's OK 👍

Just go in eyes open, you and potential children come second to the job. But my DH is kind, generous and does his bit at home and with our DC.

There is very little time truly protected from his job, and I had to sacrifice my career progression for it to have a family. DH financially protected me though while our DC were little and the business I set up during that time earns significantly more than my band 7 job at the time did.

Everyone is individual, but no decent surgeon puts their job second!

Obviously I can't speak for all surgeons/drs. However...my partner is a doctor (middle class family) and he definitely has a god complex, belittles me and commands respect just because he's a doctor. He has a lot of doctor friends, who are lovely. Of the surgeons...one is very out of touch with the "real world". The other, an orthopedic surgeon used to ask if I have any friends he can date (he's 59 and I'm 34!). I had a long conversation with him and he's very aware he can get a younger woman as he's a surgeon and he wouldn't date anyone his age.

Lot of generalisations on this thread.

surgeons are just people.

you get nice ones and horrible ones.
people who use their job as an excuse to duck out of parenting social stuff and people who don’t.

in my experience the Ortho team are mostly the easiest colleagues. I’ve not dated any of them though!!

One of my close friends is married to a surgeon. He's a lovely guy. Full of energy and always got an exciting plan / trip planned. Hands on Dad. Yes she manages the house and works very part time, so perhaps that's why it works for them. But it does work for them, very well, they have a lovely life.

I did once, verry funny guy, he had me in stitches!

I'm here all week folks!

I'd trust your feelings about him, you've already noticed mood swings that's already a warning.

Yes I'm sure I am lucky but I think my point was that there's a spectrum and a lot of surgeons are able to have a bit more balance - not sure the reason.

Maybe as I'm non-medical it's been easier, COVID has actually worked wonders for my career as I can now work flexibly and be the default parent for parents evening, if children are unwell etc. We could never do a 50/50 split for those things; I can work at home, flex my hours. I would never expect him to cancel a cancer operating list if I can just change a meeting time.

@Hippiechickie

😂

Love this! Great it works well for them.

I really don't think you should stereotype surgeons. They are not a homogeneous population!

I was (briefly) married to an orthopaedic surgeon. He was really lovely at work and widely respected by his colleagues. Life was quite tricky at home as he regarded my work as competition (I am not a doctor) and in the end I couldn't deal with being diminished regularly and the total lack of support for my career and growth. Many years later I realised he was quite insecure and was quite affected by some unpleasant colleagues during training. When we split one of the last things he said to me was, 'I'm not having people think there is anything wrong with me'. He remarried a young nurse within a year and I think they too have split in the last few years. I think he was just someone who needed someone to support him and be in the background quietly making it all work. Nothing wrong with that, just sadly not what I am.

I dated one briefly...briefly because everything seemed to be around his needs, his time, his good day or bad day...

One of my best friends is married to a surgeon. He’s a lovely man, they’ve been together since university. No god complex, no known affairs and a nice husband and dad.

It’s a bit odd to judge them all as one. 😅

Never dated a surgeon but I did date an aneasthetist years ago for around 6 weeks. I was a HCA at the time.

Him being married to his job wasn't an issue. I supported that. However he did throw a massive tantrum at me one night when drunk.

We'd been on separate nights out in different towns. I was designated driver for my group on this particular night. He invited me to join him. Decided I would and told him I'd contact him when I'd dropped of my last friend to find out where he was.

I text him. I waited half an hour and had no reply. Off home to bed I went. As I climbed into bed he text "sorry I was dancing. Come and join me." To which I replied "its 2am, I'm already in bed, I'd have to get ready again and then drive the half an hour it takes to get to you. I'll stay here, have fun and I'll call you tomorrow." He ended things there and then by text. I went to sleep thinking he was drunk and I'd speak to him the next day once he was sober.

The morning after I called him and he explained he couldn't see himself marrying me or having kids with me. After only 6 weeks of dating I ran for the hills.... put me off dating any type of doctor for life lol.

Never again. I had to see him on a daily basis at work till I decided to leave to do my training.

Now I'm a nurse and getting married to a paramedic but we work in completely different towns. We understand the nature of each others jobs but our paths never cross at work. It works much better.

@Improbablecat
@Bestmanworstman

thanks both for replying.
Sounds very full on, you do a wonderful job!