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Original poster

Has anyone dated a surgeon

117 replies

Ccvyvyan · 19/05/2023 19:22

Are They troublesome to date with the work schedule? I’ve got a date with a guy from work but he seems like a stress person and wondering what am I letting myself in for. 🌲

OP posts:
bluebird3 · 19/05/2023 21:04

Thehonestbadger · 19/05/2023 19:49

I’m married to one but not ortho.

We have two small children now and our lives have been completely ruled by his shifts. It’s a consuming pattern.
Never guaranteed to be home on time
Can never do a nursery drop or pick up
On and off on calls…

I ended up having to leave my job because his complete lack of flexibility or reliability essentially made me function like a single parent. I kinda knew I suppose but we dreamt big and by the time reality of having the kids set in it was too late!

This. All of this is exactly my situation. And yes they're paid well but not enough to completely dominate every aspect of our life. I hate it and would choose being worse off financially to have more freedom.

Livedandlearned · 19/05/2023 21:08

I work with ortho surgeons and some are lovely, some aren't.

The limb recon stuff they do is impressive though.

Motherofalittledragon · 19/05/2023 21:08

I wouldn't bother, as a PP said god complex and controlling, we have a dd who he hasn't seen for over 10 years or paid for at all. I absolutely wouldn't date another surgeon for anything.

Themermaidspool · 19/05/2023 21:12

LadyatLady · 19/05/2023 20:25

Ortho here (as in dated). Total utter god complex. Watch them eat steak too! Controlling, manipulative. Exceptionally good at his job. Entitled. Small dick. That could happen if he was a surgeon or not. Oh yes and lack of chest hair and lower leg hair due to exposure in theatre (I was told anyone).

WTAF? I hope youre not referring to due to in theatre radiographs. Because i can say thats def wrong and someone has stayed true to character and spun you one.

Improbablecat · 19/05/2023 21:15

Darkroot · 19/05/2023 21:01

Sorry to derail for a moment but I’ve always wondered, those who have jobs when you’re on call from home, can you ever go out and just get drunk? Are you on call all the time?

I remember when my DC was a baby, had to take them to the hospital quite late at night and they called in an ent doctor - she looked like she had been on an evening out (not as in drunk, just dressed up)
I felt so bad that we’d ruined her night but also incredibly grateful!

You have to be able to respond to work within a set timescale and absolutely couldn't be drinking. As a consultant I do up to 72hr in a row on call and do leave the house to do stuff! Especially as about 80% of my calls can be dealt with by advice on the phone and then forward planning to either go in and review at a certain time or own team to review shortly (e.g. if they phone me at 5am). My husband has to go in more so he is more likely to stay around the house and always near the car. So we might go out for a meal or something that can be abandoned / interrupted easily. I would e.g. go to the gym but not for a swim, to a dinner but not to the theatre etc.
It's easier now we aren't reliant on landlines (and better for hospitals as they can get you if you're driving or at a different hospital which was always the difficulty before). My dad was a scientist on call when I was a kid and I still remember the joy when we got our first mobile phone - finally he could go to Tesco during a weekend on call!

Summerfun54321 · 19/05/2023 21:15

Advice from my mum about 20 years ago: "Avoid men who are in the forces, men who are orthopedic surgeons and men who play golf every weekend".

Flowersun6 · 19/05/2023 21:16

planthelpadvice · 19/05/2023 19:55

I've found orthos pretty arrogant - but I working was in a London major trauma centre so they really thought they were the bees knees.

I think it does take a certain self-confidence/arrogance though to be good at their job. Who wants a nervous, dithery surgeon with low self esteem?!

Agree. I've read a similar on here we all would want an arrogant surgery performing our operation.

Day in day out though. No thanks.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 19/05/2023 21:20

Advice from my mum about 20 years ago: "Avoid men who are in the forces, men who are orthopedic surgeons and men who play golf every weekend".

Re the golf - where the hell was your mother when I needed her? 😅 (and she was right. Ditto football). OTOH, DF was in the forces (does Merchant Navy count?) and he was lovely. Pulled his weight when he was home, too.

Bestmanworstman · 19/05/2023 21:20

Darkroot · 19/05/2023 21:01

Sorry to derail for a moment but I’ve always wondered, those who have jobs when you’re on call from home, can you ever go out and just get drunk? Are you on call all the time?

I remember when my DC was a baby, had to take them to the hospital quite late at night and they called in an ent doctor - she looked like she had been on an evening out (not as in drunk, just dressed up)
I felt so bad that we’d ruined her night but also incredibly grateful!

You wouldn’t be on call from home all the time, it’s still a rota. So the dr would have known she might get called in that night, and would be being paid to be available (not full whack though, just a small percentage). In general hospitals require consultants who do non-resident on-calls to live no more than 30 mins from the hospital.

SFG112112 · 19/05/2023 21:21

What about veterinary surgeons?

LadyJ2023 · 19/05/2023 21:23

Let's hope of it goes wrong you work in a different ward lol

howdoesyourgardengrowinmay · 19/05/2023 21:32

You'll be left to bring up your kids mostly on your own, and be flying solo at a lot of social occasions, but the 'conference' trips etc are likely to be exciting.

Lonelylonelylonely · 19/05/2023 21:34

I have a good friend who is an A&E consultant (and surgeon).

Whilst I'm not involved romantically, he's a fab guy. Cute, intelligent and very generous. He talks a lot about the stresses of the job and frustration of working within the constraints they have.

Yes, he's busy (and so am I), so we only manage to catch up once every month or so. I could imagine this would be annoying for a romantic partner rather than a friend and in terms of being up his unconventional hours work for me because mine are too. I could imagine it could get frustrating for someone wanting more than a good friendship.

iolaus · 19/05/2023 21:44

On calls - you can go out (within a certain distance) but not drink (but do have to make sure you have phone reception) - I've gone to a colleague's wedding reception before when on call and ended up being called and chucking a scrub top on over the top of a push up bra and full face of make up

Yellowdays · 19/05/2023 21:48

If you are dating someone from work, you'll know quite well that they have no choice but to put work first.

CherryRipe1 · 19/05/2023 22:09

Maxillofacial surgeon & a very good one. He was a lovely, witty, charming, humble, down to earth, Irishman. He was a bit nervous of me in a strange way & liked me to make the decisions, probably didn't want to think too much o/s of work . He did try to control me sometimes in a strange way but I wasn't having it & I did see a tough side to him at times. He said some consultants were arrogant arseholes. The on call thing was just something to be accepted. I dumped him a few times, I just don't think he was the one even though I loved his company.

ODPintheNHS · 19/05/2023 22:19

Ortho? RUN!!!!

Newnamenewname109870 · 19/05/2023 22:21

This sounds like a bad idea. Not great to start something when you have such doubts. Enjoy your crush and find someone else!

Newnamenewname109870 · 19/05/2023 22:22

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 19/05/2023 21:20

Advice from my mum about 20 years ago: "Avoid men who are in the forces, men who are orthopedic surgeons and men who play golf every weekend".

Re the golf - where the hell was your mother when I needed her? 😅 (and she was right. Ditto football). OTOH, DF was in the forces (does Merchant Navy count?) and he was lovely. Pulled his weight when he was home, too.

Why is orthopaedic specifically so bad?

Groutyonehereagain · 19/05/2023 22:27

I’ve worked with many surgeons. Some are lovely, others not so lovely. Pretty much like normal men really.

Katiekate19 · 19/05/2023 22:32

I honestly find the "you'll be bringing up the children alone" comments baffling. I've been with my now consultant husband since university. There have been rotations and hospitals with longer and more difficult shifts. But since mid-level registrar, it's predictable - we know what days he's in surgery so may be late, on calls are substantially easier and are majority from home and he's no longer on site every day. I would say nursery/school drop offs are a 60/40 split.

I'm not saying some consultants don't have it worse but just to give a little balance!

OooYoureHard · 19/05/2023 22:32

I did but he dumped me. I was all cut up...

I'll get my coat.

Couchpotato3 · 19/05/2023 22:33

Have a think about the sort of ego / mindset you need to routinely be able to plunge a knife into a person and apply power tools to their bones.

Still want to date an orthopaedic surgeon?

GirlInTheDryShirt · 19/05/2023 22:36

LadyatLady · 19/05/2023 19:25

Be prepared. God complex and controlling.

very much agree with this. I speak from experience.

AgrathaChristie · 19/05/2023 22:37

SFG112112 · 19/05/2023 21:21

What about veterinary surgeons?

Higher than average suicide rate I believe.