Page 4 | Help me get my head round sexting

Time4achange2 · 2023-05-17T09:33:55+00:00

Two people fancy each other, perhaps say flirting at work/in a social setting, take each others contact info....then randomly go on to send explicit sex chat and pics of their body parts to each other by phone/ social media etc even before a date or being in an established relationship? Why, just why and is this an age thing such as under 40's?

Allthecheeseplease · 17/05/2023 18:55

CurlewKate · 17/05/2023 18:08

@Allthecheeseplease "Many, many women enjoy sex. If you have have issues with morality, consent (from your comment - women going 'along' with men), modesty and excitement when it comes to sex" i have issues around consent. Not about any of the others. Interested in why you put them together....

In what way? Interested why I put morality, modesty, consent and excitement together?

If that is your question the reason is because you implied that women who sexted were coerced or felt obliged so therefore that would lead one to believe they were non-consenting which is horrible and terrifying for the women in involved. You do say that you are not implying this but then go on to say that the reason for the consent may be complex. Is this then consent? Maybe I'm too black or white but consent is yes or no - if it gets murky then is it really consent?

I include morality & modesty because as you'll no doubt know from your sex and relationship education for many cultural, familial, religious and other personal reasons, many women feel deep shame when it comes to anything sexual and therefore cannot fathom why other women would consent to something they feel guilty just thinking about.

I am not saying you feel either shame or guilt but your judgement from your first post casts a shadow of shame on anyone who chooses to engage in such acts. Whether the person chooses to feel the shame or not is not relavant, your judgement is putting it out there.

Can I ask - if someone is consenting, no coercing, not doing it because the male requires it, but doing it because they genuinely want to; would you still judge them? And if so why?

HagsGlen · 17/05/2023 18:57

User63847484848 · 17/05/2023 18:52

Omg the SPAG is so important! Bad SPaG is a passion killer

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Hurray, a like-minded person! I now really want to ask regular sexters what the writing quality is like.

User63847484848 · 17/05/2023 19:01

Like anything it varies but I have found a couple of friends with imaginary benefits who are really good at it! Really imaginative and descriptive. Have also experienced people trying to move it along too fast or kind of dart around so I have a picture in my mind then they type something which doesn’t fit with what position I thought I was in or something then I’m really confused and it spoils it 🤣
the best is when it’s really mutual back and forth
it’s an art really! 😁
one friend and I did joke we were so good at it we should write a book about it!

Johnisafckface · 17/05/2023 19:05

Time4achange2 · 17/05/2023 12:55

My other question is, do women get as much enjoyment from it as men? Would anyone secretly like to receive dick pics if they fancy the bloke? Would it put you off if his pic was rather disappointing, bit of a let down?

I'm 65 and can't think of anyone 20 years either side of my age that would do this. 🤔🙄

My ex always wanted to sext and I hated it and that includes dick pics (regardless if i'm in a relationship with the person or not). I never needed anything like that to get me "turned on" so I get nothing out of it. I would only do it to satisfy my ex (who was the only guy I dated that was ever interested in sexting and he's in his 50s). When we broke up one of the first things I was relieved about was no more sexting lol

Harrypewter · 17/05/2023 19:31

HagsGlen · 17/05/2023 18:57

Hurray, a like-minded person! I now really want to ask regular sexters what the writing quality is like.

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Pretty good if one uses a word processor.
Such as Style writer.😂
A thesaurus or two helps.

JosieOhNo · 17/05/2023 19:56

Good SPaG is a must!! And check for typos too... reading that someone wants to duck me just won't do 😂😂

User63847484848 · 17/05/2023 20:34

But the typos are part of the fun and very good for a laugh if you’re doing it with someone you know very well 🤣

SarahDippity · 17/05/2023 20:56

One of the hottest experiences of my life was sexting a guy I’d been on 3-4 dates with, and we had agreed we were hugely attracted to each other and ready for sex. I was in a meeting, and I swear to God, I was in a puddle of list by the time the meeting finished and I went to his place where I had three orgasms in about 30minutes.

I was about 48 when this happened. A career highlight.

SarahDippity · 17/05/2023 20:56

Lust!!! Not list ^^

daisychain01 · 17/05/2023 21:02

Time4achange2 · 17/05/2023 10:53

I'm not judging, just trying to understand. In a trusted secure long term relationship fine, but would I send Bill in the next office or Ted across the bar in the local pub pics of my body, merely cos I fancied them? My question is really who usually initiates the explicit pics, obviously leading on from suggestive/texts? What happens if one or other misinterprete the depth of these texts and do people other than perverts really send dick/fanny pics to almost total strangers without worrying about possible repercussions at a later date?

People do all sorts of (some might say) inappropriate things, of which sexting is one. I have to question why you want to "understand" the ins and outs of what consenting adults choose to do with their time and their mobile phones. There could be a million and one reasons, because there's a buzz, because it's fun, because it's playful, whatever.

They are adults making adult choices. They probably couldn't care less about repercussions at a later date. Instant gratification and all that.

quite frankly just thinking about people sending each other dick and fanny pics makes me cringe, way too much information.

Deathbyfluffy · 17/05/2023 21:08

CurlewKate · 17/05/2023 13:38

All my life I have been aware that women often (not always but often) go along with men's sexual wants for the sake of peace, because they think they should, because they think everyone else does or because they are worried men will think they are boring or frigid if they don't. Pretty sure sexting is another one of those.

If you’d read the rest of the thread, you’d see that clearly isn’t the case!

CurlewKate · 17/05/2023 21:20

@Deathbyfluffy "If you’d read the rest of the thread, you’d see that clearly isn’t the case!"

Good. I would be delighted to be wrong. Delighted that no women ever feels obliged to post pictures of her tits or vag because a man asks her to. And that no woman ever regrets that those pictures are out there somewhere out of her control.

guineacup · 17/05/2023 21:31

SarahDippity · 17/05/2023 20:56

One of the hottest experiences of my life was sexting a guy I’d been on 3-4 dates with, and we had agreed we were hugely attracted to each other and ready for sex. I was in a meeting, and I swear to God, I was in a puddle of list by the time the meeting finished and I went to his place where I had three orgasms in about 30minutes.

I was about 48 when this happened. A career highlight.

Was it words or words/photos?
I find horny texting to be far hotter than photos of body parts tbh

SarahDippity · 17/05/2023 21:35

guineacup · 17/05/2023 21:31

Was it words or words/photos?
I find horny texting to be far hotter than photos of body parts tbh

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Words. I was in a meeting; pics would have been a step too far!

JosieOhNo · 17/05/2023 21:45

Sometimes words will do it, other times, the shock/surprise of a pic coming through at an inappropriate moment is really hot

Original poster

Time4achange2 · 17/05/2023 21:52

MMmomDD · 17/05/2023 18:32

OP - you are judging, not just ‘trying to undertone’. It comes through very loud and clear.
Why do people do it - because it’s fun. Because the attitude to sex has changed a lot, because women are more able to acknowledge their needs and desires.
And because it’s part of being sexual - which these days isn’t limited to being in committed long term relationships.

In fact - I’d be bold to suggest that sexting is very much a courting/early relationship activity rather than something long married people would do. (As least if the people in the long relationships are living together)

Sexting too early with colleagues - may possibly not be the smartest idea as who knows where it will. But no worse than what goes on at Xmas parties really.
Sexting with people on OLD - where there is a bit more anonymity - it’s a whole different story.

What made you post this @Time4achange2 ?

I'm trying to understand why almost total strangers would do something as intimate as this at the start of a relationship with a stranger. Does lust, attraction and the obvious attention trump caution and establishing trust?

I'm wondering how many long term relationshipsand succesful marriages are formed as a result of getting to know their partner's anatomy first?

OP posts:

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 18/05/2023 01:00

Time4achange2 · 17/05/2023 21:52

I'm trying to understand why almost total strangers would do something as intimate as this at the start of a relationship with a stranger. Does lust, attraction and the obvious attention trump caution and establishing trust?

I'm wondering how many long term relationshipsand succesful marriages are formed as a result of getting to know their partner's anatomy first?

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Why do you think that the people doing this are looking for a long term relationship or marriage.

Isn't it just as likely that they're just looking for sex?

Pahpahpotato · 18/05/2023 01:19

Used to love a bit of sexting back in the day! It’s fun, that’s about all there was to it for me.

Boomshock · 18/05/2023 01:44

Time4achange2 · 17/05/2023 12:55

My other question is, do women get as much enjoyment from it as men? Would anyone secretly like to receive dick pics if they fancy the bloke? Would it put you off if his pic was rather disappointing, bit of a let down?

I'm 65 and can't think of anyone 20 years either side of my age that would do this. 🤔🙄

I wouldn't send them but I'd prefer to know in advance if they had a very small penis, I'd rather find out over text than when I was ready to sleep with him. That happened to me and I didn't want to go through with it when I saw it but unfortunately I did.

givingupchocolatemonday · 18/05/2023 02:04

2 people that fancy each other, getting excited and wanting a little fun? You don't need ti be dating or in a relationship for that?!
Think it comes down to excitement but the older you get you simply can't be arsed to take sexy pics, maybe you would of done years ago with someone you fancied. Or maybe not but I'm not confused over it

EBearhug · 18/05/2023 02:28

I now really want to ask regular sexters what the writing quality is like.

If it's not good, though won't be regularly sexting with me. But some men can write well and flirt well as they do so, and a good sexter can be very good at building the tension for when you next meet. And if they're poorly written, unimaginative and full of SPaG errors, it gives me a good idea about how closely aligned our world views are likely to be - or not.

I'd prefer to know in advance if they had a very small penis, I'd rather find out over text than when I was ready to sleep with him.

This. I don't want unsolicited dick pics, but I might say yes when one's offered if I am potentially interested in getting to meet it in person, because it's nice to have an idea of what you'd be getting. (And I did insist on one from a colleague who made the mistake of using his daughter's soap in the shower, when he texted me in a mild panic to ask how to get rid of glitter. But we had already crossed sufficient boundaries for me to know he wouldn't be taking such a request to HR. Now, he's a man who can write well...)

Harrypewter · 18/05/2023 07:08

Time4achange2 · 17/05/2023 21:52

I'm trying to understand why almost total strangers would do something as intimate as this at the start of a relationship with a stranger. Does lust, attraction and the obvious attention trump caution and establishing trust?

I'm wondering how many long term relationshipsand succesful marriages are formed as a result of getting to know their partner's anatomy first?

Show quote history

I'm not entirely certain there are any quantitative data or qualitative studies looking at this. It seems that not everyone is seeking a relationship nowadays. Relationships face many challenges and are often short-lived.
Sometimes people want to feel alive, sex can be fun.
Yours is a valid perspective.

innocentfun · 18/05/2023 09:18

CurlewKate · 17/05/2023 15:09

@Harrypewter Who tends to initiate-the man or the woman? Incidentally, I'm not saying the woman doesn't consent. I'm just saying that the reasons for her consent may be complex.

men can be quite complex as well you know.
On a good/complex day.

DuringDuran · 18/05/2023 09:23

Maybe you assume that anything emotional has to culminate in a blissful relationship with offsprings?

MMmomDD · 18/05/2023 12:16

@Time4achange2

Are you writing an article? Or just bored?

Maybe it’s a generational thing. Maybe back in the day sex was a mean to get a husband or smth.
People these days don’t think of as sex only being appropriate in a long term committed relationships. Hence there are one night stands; hook ups, etc.
Not every sexual relationship needs to end up in some deep connection. And that is OK.
Sexting is part of the same attitude to sex - as sometimes being just for fun, while other time being meaningful.

And YOU don’t need to understand this or see the point. It doesn’t have to be for you - or something YOU want to do.
People are free to do what THEY want.