Help me get my head round sexting

[Time4achange2]

Two people fancy each other, perhaps say flirting at work/in a social setting, take each others contact info....then randomly go on to send explicit sex chat and pics of their body parts to each other by phone/ social media etc even before a date or being in an established relationship?

Why, just why and is this an age thing such as under 40's?

There are women on the thread who prove that this isn't the case. Some women may do it for that reason, but some women do sex itself for that reason.

Basically, everything fits your description for some women, but you don't know how many, so you can't generalise that it's 'often' the case.

Exactly, god forbid women would actually have sexual desires or needs themselves, rather than simply tolerating sex because a man wants it...

@Watchkeys "Basically, everything fits your description for some women, but you don't know how many, so you can't generalise that it's 'often' the case."
I can, you know. Anecdotal only, of course. But I can.

Well, anecdotally, I can say that the sky is always blue. I'll look a bit of a knob, but I can technically say it.

@Watchkeys But if you live in a place where there is a lot of blue sky it's would not be at all knob-like to say that the sky is often blue.

It would be to generalise it, though, and assume that my personal experience had any relevance.

Sexting is just flirting, albeit explicitly. In my experience as a man, the women participate consensually. Sexting usually takes on a life of its own.
I wouldn't send a sext to either a colleague or a random stranger.

some people get a kick out of knowing that someone else, especially someone they are interested in, got higher heart rate after opening their message

its FUN (if everyone consent), and generally happens because people flirt with each other and intend to see each other naked at some point in near future

@Watchkeys So what evidence do you have that setting is something women do/enjoy as much as men do? I'm basing my contention that they don't on a lot of experience in sex and relationship education, as a woman with very many very open women friends of all ages and as the mother of young adults.

@Harrypewter Who tends to initiate-the man or the woman? Incidentally, I'm not saying the woman doesn't consent. I'm just saying that the reasons for her consent may be complex.

I don't have any evidence, and nor do you. That's precisely my point. Neither of us has a leg to stand on re making generalised claims, but one of us did it.

Anyway, OP, sorry for the derail. Everyone is entitled to their opinion!

The answer lies in not many people would, so it doesn't happen often. People may minimise to their partners when caught out that its sending pics to strangers, but it's more likely that there is a relationship happening also, if there is an exchange of pics happening.
That's why You don't know anyone who has, because it's rare.

I have sexted, I don’t think there should be stigma about it.

People are different, if you’re comfortable with it do it if not then don’t. I do think there would need to be a flirt / chemistry first though for me.

Im not looking for a relationship so it suits my situation and I like sex … that’s it 🤷‍♀️

I actually find pictures of my face more intimate than anything else.

I don’t agree with it’s a man thing to do it at all, it’s an individual thing.

My experience is, that flirting is symbiotic, so comes from both parties. The texting just leads that way.
Then the flirting may become more explicit leading to phone sex. Everyone has a different method and boundaries. Some might not have phone sex. I had one relationship, early on, and because of scheduling conflicts, she'd call and have phone sex regularly. But she asked me if I minded first.

I do know some men just fire off genital pics or are quite direct via the apps.

I am a woman and have initiated sexting. In the right context (as in, in a relationship) I would enjoy sending and receiving pictures or, shock horror, even videos.

There will be a subset of women that are doing it just to keep a man happy, but to claim most/all women do it to appease a man or because 'others do it' is again reducing sexuality as something men 'do' to women. Straight women partake in sexual activity/chat with men. It's not some sort of currency to be exchanged.

Women get spontaneously turned on and enjoy thinking about/talking about sex. Just because you don't enjoy something doesn't mean no one else can - let people enjoy things!!!

Love it, me too 😁 I could get quite excited over a few hundred gold bars, sprawled innocently over an armchair just needing to be caressed and warmed up 😁

The reason for my 'consent' is that it turns me on. Simple.

No deep seated reason. No desire to impress, or go along with what a man wants. I enjoy sex, I enjoy flirting, which includes sexting. It's my enjoyment and it's fun when I have a 'partner' who enjoys the same thing.

*Oopsiedaisyy
Always have preferred a money shot video over a dick pic personally🤷‍♀️

Love it, me too 😁 I could get quite excited over a few hundred gold bars, sprawled innocently over an armchair just needing to be caressed and warmed up 😁*

Some could argue that this seems shallow and they can't understand the mentality, therefore it must be wrong.

Totally agree in the right context (within a loving relationship) it can be appropriate and fun.

My concern is relative strangers throwing caution to the wind and sending each other texts and pics, which could easily go astray. Phone sex or mere flirty chat usually doesn't leave a trail of incriminating evidence when the relationship either doesn't develop any further due to incompatibility, he/she is married or if sexting is being done maliciously with an alternative agenda.

We warn woman (predominently) on MN not to put themselves in vulnerable situations regarding all kinds of interaction with the opposite sex but to me, if someone I'd just met at the pub and flirted with sent me a dick pic, it would be a massive red flag.

@JosieOhNo

'Some could argue that this seems shallow and they can't understand the mentality, therefore it must be wrong.'

I* *am not saying it is wrong, merely trying to get my head around relative strangers doing it, before a real relationship and trust develops, which naturally takes time. Is it just a generational thing?

What a dull life i lead 😂

I have no issue with consenting adults doing this, but i'd be interested to know how common this is. I'd assumed it was rather niche for a woman to like this kind of thing... but maybe I'm wrong!

My concern is relative strangers throwing caution to the wind

Why are you concerned about this? Are you concerned about people who meet in clubs and take someone home to bed when they've only just met them? Are you concerned about people getting too emotionally involved with people they barely know? Are you concerned about people who don't want children having unprotected sex? Are you concerned about people who stay in sexual relationships that are not satisfying to them? Do you fully understand all these situations?

Adults take risks. If that's your concern, you must be very concerned. Why have you picked this concern in particular?

Absolutely this. I've only done this at a very tame level in the past with my ex-DP (i.e. underwear not money shots!) but the level of trust i'd need to send something intimate would be enormous...similar to that needed for marriage or trying for a family.

Sending nudes etc to a casual partner, especially one I'd never even had sex with, is a recipe for disaster!....And once those images are sent, that's it, they are out there for eternity!

Showing my age
what's that please?

My utterly tragic exh did it at the grand old age of 55. Obviously not with me that is why he is ‘ex’