Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

He hit me

115 replies

Lostmum476 · 15/05/2023 21:37

I can't believe what I'm writing. We just had a baby together, 12 weeks old. I've kicked him out, I feel so broken. We went out for the first time since having the baby and he accused me of chatting to men in the club, I was not. We got home and got into a heated argument about it and he punched me in the face twice. My eye is swollen and face hurts. I can barely cope

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 15/05/2023 22:59

Oh op I’m so sorry he’s done this to you.

well done for kicking him out. That was brave and the right thing to do. You can be so proud of yourself.

I hope you and the baby get some sleep tonight. Try and reach out to someone in RL to help and support you tomorrow, a friend, WA or the police. I know that’s a hard thing to contemplate right now but you know, don’t you, that it’s the right thing to do.

take care @Lostmum476

Godlovesall26 · 15/05/2023 23:00

Whiteroomjoy · 15/05/2023 22:54

This is excellent to know, and a good point. It also, I guess, means gs escalate and she has to call police later, she can still us3d this evidence as she notified people at the time?
good one to know for everyone

Show quote history

Yes, but unfortunately even in the heart of shock, she has to notify, and sooner rather than later. It can’t wait with a newborn.

There have unfortunately been much to many stories reported recently about partners being somewhat complicit, SS will not know OP and have to use maximal precaution if she hasn’t, despite the fear (the system is very sad, but sometimes necessary, too many cases already slip through)

SarahSmith2023 · 15/05/2023 23:03

(((((HUG))))

@Lostmum476 if you're still reading, can you let us know, even if you just post 'here' or something. I'm getting worried it's been so long since you posted.

you've done the right things x

i wish I knew you, I'd come straight over. If you can get comfortable & get some sleep, it'll help you tomorrow. I hope baby is sleeping. If you're not sleepy can you make yourself a drink? Preferably warm, sweet tea, but make sure it's not too hot, in case you hurt your lips.

Godlovesall26 · 15/05/2023 23:03

Helpots · 15/05/2023 22:04

Hi, so sorry this has happened to you - I’m a family lawyer. Even if you don’t call the police, please report this incident to your GP or HV, make sure you tell them he’s assaulted you - it’s really difficult to get legal aid these days and you have to have proof of DV, you may need legal representation going forward.

Keep yourself safe, you do not deserve this x

Seconding this. The sooner the better, but hope you’re ok OP

Godlovesall26 · 15/05/2023 23:05

Godlovesall26 · 15/05/2023 23:03

Seconding this. The sooner the better, but hope you’re ok OP

Show quote history

I work on another side, with the kids ending up in care. Unbelievable what has to happen

@Lostmum476 if you feel up to it, let us know if you’re ok and need anything ?

tolerable · 15/05/2023 23:06

OH love. you are so very much doing the right thing.....avoid opening the wine for now. Dont worry about the house.my dms is open,am a night person.do NOT feel alone...you arent.... YOU and baby are your focus.Im sorry its went this way-i promise you are stronger than you ever would think. hes his problem.

IdealisticCynic · 15/05/2023 23:09

Helpots · 15/05/2023 22:04

Hi, so sorry this has happened to you - I’m a family lawyer. Even if you don’t call the police, please report this incident to your GP or HV, make sure you tell them he’s assaulted you - it’s really difficult to get legal aid these days and you have to have proof of DV, you may need legal representation going forward.

Keep yourself safe, you do not deserve this x

OP, please take this excellent advice. If you can’t face going to the police, please call your GP first thing in the morning. Try to get an emergency appointment if possible, so the GP can independently verify and note your injuries. I know you must be in shock but I cannot stress enough how important this might turn out to be.

Best of luck, OP. I’m so sorry you are going through this.

Pinkbonbon · 15/05/2023 23:11

Sorry that you are going through this op. Well done for getting him out. If you don't feel brave enough to involve police then please at least go see your gp. There should be a record of this somewhere at least. Because as others have said, it may be vital later on.

And please never feel like a burden. We're all total strangers and I'm sure each one of us would give you a hug and a shoulder to cry on if we knew you in person. Women should help eachother. Family should help eachother. I'm flabbergasted they didn't come when they found out what had happened. I can only assume you downplayed things so they wouldn't worry?

Or that they maybe are distant with you because of him and worried you two might get back together so didn't want to get involved?

Dont drink the wine. Chocolate instead maybe?
Congratulations on the new baby. It'll be hard but so much easier without abusive men around you. Often abuse appears when women have kids as the bullies think that gives them more control.

But stand strong. Never let him back.
Look to moving somewhere new if he is on the lease of the current home. Often they act all sorry...for all of a week or two. Then if you don't press charges and take out restraining orders- they waltz back in with 'it's my house too'. So, stay safe one way or another.

TheFormidableMrsC · 15/05/2023 23:13

I'm so sorry this has happened to you, especially when you're vulnerable post partum.

Please report this to the police. I say this because if he decides to take you to court for contact, there really does need to be a record of DV. You don't want your child being around a man who behaves like that. Protect yourself and protect your child. Talk to your HV too. I hope you face a much happier future without this thug Flowers

mathanxiety · 15/05/2023 23:14

The biggest regret I have from my marriage is that I didn't call the police when exH gripped my upper arms and pushed me against a wall, the better to scream in my face, while I had a little baby in my arms.

Wishing not to get him in trouble meant he was emboldened to repeat his performance.

Please tell your GP and HV at the very least, and make plans to end your relationship.

Believe me when I tell you it will never be the same again, and you will never be the same again, after this. You've seen the real man you're living with. You won't be able to unsee that sight.

Women's Aid number is 0808 2000 247.

Call and ask for support.

My3cents1 · 15/05/2023 23:14

I say this with kindness… please call the police and report him. Any consequences for HIS actions are HIS alone. You cannot allow him to get away with it. He has shown you who he is. Believe him. It will not get better, he will not change. He is an abuser. You and your darling baby deserve better. Break the cycle and report your assault. Much love to you tonight xx

Pinkbonbon · 15/05/2023 23:16

Ps: what he did to your face, thats who he is.
And that's not someone you need to protect.

Protect yourself.
Protect your baby.

ShimmeringShirts · 15/05/2023 23:19

Oh for the love of fucking god everyone needs to back the hell of and stop telling the OP what she must and should be doing and betraying her for not doing exactly what you all say. She’s in shock, if she ever does wish to report this to the police she has that option. There is absolutely no need for her to do so now, or at any point this month if that’s not what she wishes. She doesn’t sound anywhere near stupid enough to hand her baby over to this man nor to let him back in so everyone lay off. Women that go through domestic abuse need kindness and compassion, not some loony tune telling her she’s a shitty mum for not dialling 999 immediately.

ShimmeringShirts · 15/05/2023 23:20

Berating*

Thisisworsethananticpated · 15/05/2023 23:23

If you can’t call the police call womens aid
if not for you for the sake of the baby

I’m so sorry he did this op
i know it’s scary when everyone says LTB
bit it’s only because we have been there

mathanxiety · 15/05/2023 23:24

Lostmum476 · 15/05/2023 22:00

Do I have to give women's aid my personal information ?? I just can't believe he's done this. When I look at my face, it's a reminder. The baby looks so much like him, I was looking at the baby today and broke down. I love my child so much and I'm so upset I've given them a father like this.

Love, the only person you're protecting by trying to keep this private is the man who punched you in the face.

You didn't cause this.
You can't control this.
You can't cure it.
This is the mantra of Al Anon, the support organisation for families of alcoholics. It works for people in a relationship with a violent man, too.

Try to shake free of the illusion that you have any control of anything your H does to you. Try to lose your fear of letting others into your situation and losing what you believe to be your control over it. You have no control. You've seen yourself how the attack came so fast and furiously.

Women's Aid are there for you and the thousands of others who have been punched in the face by a partner in the last week. There is nothing special or unique about the man who did this to you. Men who are violent toward their partners are all the same.

There is nothing specific to you about the reason he punched you. He's jealous of the baby; there are thousands just like him who have failed to grow up and have not learned that they are not the centre of the universe.

saraclara · 15/05/2023 23:25

You are going to have to liaise with this man until your child is 18. If you have no evidence you won't be able to support your claims if it goes to the family court, and the court might not take your word into account.

This. Tonight's incident needs to be logged somewhere. Either with the police or with WomensAid (if the pp is right that they log calls and will keep the information for some years). There will come a time when you need proof that this happened, whether it's soon or at some point in the future. Sadly sending your sister the photos is unlikely to be enough.

ThatFraggle · 15/05/2023 23:36

I don't want to scare you just for the sake of it, but women are killed by men like this all the time. I doubt most of them thought they would actually be killed.

And when they get away with it once, it emboldens them.

milkydress · 15/05/2023 23:37

OP none of this is your fault. Please call the police. Doing so may help you in the future should his behaviour worsen.
I'm not being preachy but please don't drink alcohol right now. You need to be on your guard. Please make sure your doors are locked from inside too.
It will feel like a long night....but it will pass and things will get better in time. They really will.
You are so brave for kicking him out. Well done for putting yourself and your baby first. You are going to get through this. Please please tell the police. They can be proper little shits but you need to have this on record sweetheart. Stay strong. You are not alone. You have your baby. This man has shown his true colours - you did the right thing by getting rid. Your baby might look like him but he is your baby, you gave birth to him and you will bring him up. It's going to be okay ❤️

wychiep00 · 15/05/2023 23:39

Report it and DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK. I made that mistake: my husband hit me and I took him back. He had isolated me from my friends and family and I thought I had no-one. The abuse kept escalating. I lost a pregnancy at 14 weeks because he convinced himself it wasn't him and punched my gut repeatedly. I finally left when he almost killed me. Then he stalked me for another 10 years. 12 years of my life destroyed because of that man. My baby would have turned 40 this year. I still have PTSD from his abuse. I didn't really start breathing again until I happened across his obituary in 2012. Please, do not make my mistake - you and your baby deserve so much better.

Whatthejeffisgoingon · 15/05/2023 23:41

@Lostmum476 Didn’t want to sleep without saying goodnight and I hope you are ok.
Please be gentle with yourself lovely. Tonight was hell for you, tomorrow won’t be easy, nor fir a while afterwards, but somewhere in your future will come a day when you will be able to look back and be proud of your strength in the moment to chuck him out and safeguard your baby. You did the right thing, your mothering instincts were spot on. You are a good mum. This will really help with the difficult decisions in the coming days.
I hope you manage some sleep tonight.
Take care. 😘

Christopherrobinn · 15/05/2023 23:42

Just reiterating previous replies. Your child is your priority now, you are responsible for keeping them safe and not reporting means you’re setting yourself up for him to have unsupervised time with your child where he could hurt them. You must report for the sake of your child.

Ihatepickingausername3 · 16/05/2023 00:02

I’m so sorry this has happened to you @Lostmum476. Please, please reconsider calling the police. This has the potential to escalate. It’s also not like you can avoid him as you have a child with him. You deserve far, far more than this 💐

Greenfairydust · 16/05/2023 00:08

You need to call the police.

Because you will want him to face the consequences of his actions and also because it will help you with having a strong case of him only having supervised access to your child.

You don't want someone like that, who can't control his anger and think it is OK to hit people, interacting with your baby alone.

PazzyPaz · 16/05/2023 00:14

Whilst you don't want to get him in trouble, you should document it with the police.

You don't have to press charges or get him in trouble, however you can document it with them, so they have it on record.

Should further issues arise in the future, then this would be logged already.