He hit me

[Lostmum476]

I can't believe what I'm writing. We just had a baby together, 12 weeks old. I've kicked him out, I feel so broken. We went out for the first time since having the baby and he accused me of chatting to men in the club, I was not. We got home and got into a heated argument about it and he punched me in the face twice. My eye is swollen and face hurts. I can barely cope

Could you ask your sister to do it for you ? Or other family member ? That way they will at least have all the basic information about you, so less questions, and just focus on keeping you and baby safe

If you’re upset you’ve given your baby a father like this, you MUST now protect your baby. That means reporting to the police. You cannot allow this man to have unsupervised access to your baby when you end the relationship.

All of the relevant authorities must know what he is, and what he’s capable of. A violent man can kill a baby so easily. Well done for taking the first steps tonight. But you need to continue

Absolutely not the time for this comment, particularly with this tone.

The OP has had a terrible, painful, and horrific thing happen to her. The last thing she needs at this point is berating - however well intentioned (although well intentioned people don't use that type of tone).

You could have made your point KINDLY. How unnecessarily unpleasant and unsupportive.

No I don’t think so, although like all helplines they have a duty to breach confidentiality (ie accessing your phone number and transmitting it to emergency services). If you feel incapable of contacting the police and more comfortable with this approach, go for it, they are extremely experienced to assess.

Please call the police and report while you can.

Do you want this scum threatening you with 50/50 co parenting when you won't accept back or threatening to take the baby?

Thats what scum like him does.

Please put your baby ahead of him and report his assaulting you.

You are putting him ahead of your baby when you don't report.

Your baby deserves one decent parent who puts him first.

Apologies, that meant to say if they feel you are in immediate danger. So it is important you give them all elements.
As I also said previously OP and several PP posters have said, these situations are getting extremely more unfortunately difficult to prove, please don’t lose your window of opportunity.
My primary aged kids in care I take care of are well informed these days that punches are absolutely out of the question because of the risks they carry, it’s unfathomable.
Stay strong💚

Absolutely this. You need to put the safety of yourself and your baby above your misplaced sympathy for him. Even if you never see him again after today, what about the next woman he meets and does the same thing to? And her child?
If he can punch you in the face twice, he is capable of doing worse. Please report him. He has committed a crime.

Please, please report him to the police OP. You deserve so much better. I understand you're in shock, you're in pain and upset. That's all completely normal & natural. Can a family member go with you or sit with you on the phone?

Are you safe now? Does he have a key? Could you go to a friend, relative or neighbour or even a cheap hotel / B & B for tonight? If I knew you it'd be 'sod work'. You're not a burden. Look after yourself and your little one.

Sorry I’m typing half messages. Some of my kids are prone to violence.

Àd please do keep in mind that you need to prove you are acting in the best interests of your baby, and protecting your partner is the worst thing you can do, you will be hugely compromising your own chances of guardianship : please trust us and let that beautiful baby guide the right choice.

Please report him. Hope you're okay.
Sending virtual hugs x

Report and do not let him back. Your baby could be at risk, not just you.

You’ve been so brave and done everything right until now (pictures, sending them to your sister, kicking him out). This last step is the hardest but really necessary

I would hugely advise calling the police, it would keep your baby safe when you split, it would mean he gets no unsupervised access

It isn't about him not getting I to troubled it's about keep your baby safe.

If you don't report him, he will know that he can do whatever he wants to you and you won't put up a protest. I am really sorry he's done that to you but he really needs to pay the price for it now.

Unfortunately I think OP is understandably in shock.
But you’ve already proved how brave you are @Lostmum476 by the steps you’ve already taken.

I don’t know if it helps to share an experience of calling the police if you haven’t had one : they are absolutely lovely when your safety is involved, they will ask you your address, take the time to talk ( it won’t be television interrogation style) while making sure your baby’s needs are met. Honestly we’re severely understaffed in emergency services but the actual people are lovely.

Call the police.
What if he applies for unsupervised custody of your son in court? Would you trust him alone with him?
Call the police to get a record of everything as evidence.

Having been in a similar relationship, it only gets worse. What was a 'one-off' became regular because they know you won't do anything once you cover up the first time.

YOU are not getting him into trouble, he is getting himself into trouble by breaking the law and assaulting you.

OP, he did not care about getting himself into trouble, so why are you caring about his status. If family can't come to you, why can't you go for an overnight to them.

If you are married to this man, you should seek legal advice. If you are not married to him, be grateful and
either leave or put him out. If you take him back, you will become his regular punching bag.

Could anyone provide more information about woman’s aid as mine is limited, so my response was also and op asked earlier, hopefully could be something ? Although I fully agree the police are the right way to go

As op’s last message is almost an hour ago

Women's aid would help OP and her baby if they need emergency housing in a refuge.
They will help her through legal procedures too.

Hi there @Lostmum476 . We're so sorry to hear you have had to experience this. We thought we'd pop by with a link to our Domestic Violence webguide, just in case you hadn't spotted the link to it at the top of this thread. There are lots of numbers you can call on it, including Women's Aid, which we can see others have signposted you to. Wishing you all the best.

My call logs to women’s aid were produced and used in family court. My details only used with my consent which was meticulously obtained by WA. They were extremely powerful and difficult to read again but also compelling.

@Lostmum476 call your HV too first thing. They can do a risk assessment and doubtless you’d be referred to a MARAC which would almost certainly stop unsupervised access to your baby. I suspect a CPC and plan / s47 too. He is a violent abusive man.

so sorry you’re going through this. You will survive it though. Please believe in yourself and listen to your instincts you are doing the right thing.

Apologies, I meant what the conversation would look like tonight, specifically her question about confidentiality.
I work with children in care, not the adult issues side

This is excellent to know, and a good point. It also, I guess, means gs escalate and she has to call police later, she can still us3d this evidence as she notified people at the time?
good one to know for everyone