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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

He hit me

115 replies

Lostmum476 · 15/05/2023 21:37

I can't believe what I'm writing. We just had a baby together, 12 weeks old. I've kicked him out, I feel so broken. We went out for the first time since having the baby and he accused me of chatting to men in the club, I was not. We got home and got into a heated argument about it and he punched me in the face twice. My eye is swollen and face hurts. I can barely cope

OP posts:
Whatthejeffisgoingon · 15/05/2023 21:57

You will be totally shocked, you’ve been assaulted, at a time when you are already feeling vulnerable. Unfortunately this is not rare in abuse cases. After marriage or childbirth is often when the first incidences of DV occur.
What you probably need is a huge hug, a big mug of sweet tea and someone to look after you. Is that an option?
also, please consider calling womens aid.

glitterfarts · 15/05/2023 21:57

He should get in trouble!

If nothing else, please call the police to get a restraining order and access to help, support and legal aid.

If there's no record of his violence go you, he could get unrestricted access to the baby in the future.

Just remember, you've done the hard part by kicking him out, don't let him back no matter how sorry. It'll escalate. It always does.
I hope you're OK, so sorry you've had to go through this with a newborn.

calmandcaffeinated · 15/05/2023 21:57

calmandcaffeinated · 15/05/2023 21:57

OP, you are likely in shock. Make sure you have a plan for the next 24 hours. Is anyone able to have you stay for that time? Or could you go to DM refuse? There are always people to help- and don't think you're a burden, EVER.

I mean domestic abuse refuge

Dotcheck · 15/05/2023 21:59

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

I’m not quite sure what your point is?

op please report him

Original poster
Lostmum476 · 15/05/2023 22:00

Do I have to give women's aid my personal information ?? I just can't believe he's done this. When I look at my face, it's a reminder. The baby looks so much like him, I was looking at the baby today and broke down. I love my child so much and I'm so upset I've given them a father like this.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 15/05/2023 22:01

Lostmum476 · 15/05/2023 21:55

I've sent the pictures to my sister. My family are aware.

In that case I'm sure one family member would come over.

Welshy26 · 15/05/2023 22:01

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Eyesopenwideawake · 15/05/2023 22:01

You will get through this. Just to be on the safe side please think about letting someone know what's happened. It's only 10pm, it's not that late to text a friend or someone in your family. Yes?

qanapoo · 15/05/2023 22:02

Report him to the police

Whatthejeffisgoingon · 15/05/2023 22:02

Op well done for telling family members. That is a very important step and will help protect you. You’re doing all the right things. As a pp said take your time, you can report this tomorrow if you need to.
For now look after yourself and your tiny baby. And dont answer the door, no matter what. Big big hugs to you.

Fladdermus · 15/05/2023 22:03

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Don't put that on the OP. She is not and never will be responsible for his actions. How bloody dare you!

Helpots · 15/05/2023 22:04

Hi, so sorry this has happened to you - I’m a family lawyer. Even if you don’t call the police, please report this incident to your GP or HV, make sure you tell them he’s assaulted you - it’s really difficult to get legal aid these days and you have to have proof of DV, you may need legal representation going forward.

Keep yourself safe, you do not deserve this x

Soproudoflionesses · 15/05/2023 22:07

What a nasty bastard.
Well done for kicking him out OP. Try and stay strong. I have learnt on here so much about this type of situation, there are so many wise ladies on here, please listen to them

Milkand2sugarsplease · 15/05/2023 22:07

You absolutely want to get him in Trouble for what he's done.
If for no other reason than the fact that he will be alone with your baby as they grow up.....

Justcallmebebes · 15/05/2023 22:09

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That's a horribly manipulative thing to say

Shadowworry · 15/05/2023 22:10

You must phone the police - I didn’t
first time it was a punch
next time he slammed me in some cupboard
the third time he strangled me

I loved him and was pregnant

don’t be me

phone the police

you must must must

please

else next time your child won’t have a mother

think that and phone 999

Shadowworry · 15/05/2023 22:11

Do you want me demanding 50/50 knowing he can kill your baby when he or she cries??

phone 999 now

no report

nothing happened

except it did

protect you and your child

Tilllly · 15/05/2023 22:14

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Leave her alone
She's enough to deal with

Scalessayeek · 15/05/2023 22:15

OP, obviously it’s best if you call the police but if you really don’t want to can you please make sure you get a ring doorbell sorted and change the locks? Also, do
think about the future and the fact that he could apply for 50/50 custody or more.

BackAgainstWall · 15/05/2023 22:16

He deserves to be reported to the police.

Remember this time shall pass and you will be okay.

A virtual hug and god bless 💐💐💐

YourWinter · 15/05/2023 22:16

You don’t want to get him into trouble??

For Christ’s sake, get him into trouble before he punches your baby - and before he punches you to the point that your baby has no mother.

Punches aren’t usually intended to kill, but the intention is irrelevant. Punches can and do kill, so you have a duty to your child to involve the police immediately. Don’t make excuses.

Godlovesall26 · 15/05/2023 22:17

@Lostmum476 If it gives you more strength to do so, you can frame it as a necessary duty towards safeguarding your baby by reporting it to the police.
Of course I understand you are already in shock, and even less can envision violence towards your baby, but SS have a duty not to see things that way, because they don’t know you.
Has any of your family been in touch ?

Tilllly · 15/05/2023 22:18

This is awful, you must feel absolutely shattered

I'd really like you to pick up the phone and ring 999. The police can access resources and support for you. They have specialists who can help you.

And right now, help and support is exactly what you and your baby need.

Please, just ring 999 and let them help and protect you both

PaigeMatthews · 15/05/2023 22:19

Lostmum476 · 15/05/2023 21:43

I've taken pictures. I didn't call the police, I don't think I will. I know what he did was wrong but I don't want to get him into trouble

Why not?

Bluebellsbells · 15/05/2023 22:19

You must phone the police and detail what has happened.

If you don't three things will happen:

  1. He will minimise and think what he has done isn't a big deal and therefore could do it again. By involving the police and following through to conviction he will not be able to minimise that violence and his criminal record will mean if he does it again the consequences will be severe.
  1. You are going to have to liaise with this man until your child is 18. If you have no evidence you won't be able to support your claims if it goes to the family court, and the court might not take your word into account.
  1. You are putting your son in danger by not reporting him, because he may do this to your child too.

Finally by reporting the police will get you in touch with practical and emotional support.

I'm telling you this from experience, that support was a life line to me, and the evidence I presented to court from police records was heavily used in their decision to only give indirect contact.

Also you are worth more than this!!! No one has the right to assault you, no one has the right to threaten you, no one has the right to make you feel unsafe. EVER. Even more so when you are in a vulnerable position.

Call the police, follow through and get the support you need.

Thinking of you x