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Original poster

Married a year and a half and husband cheated on me oral sex

124 replies

Heartbroken6 · 14/05/2023 11:55

I’m 33, me and my husband have been together 9 years, got married a year and a half ago. We have been trying for our first baby for the last few months also. I 100% trusted him, we have a happy marriage and never ever would have thought he would do something like this to me. He is the kindest, loveliest man and I am now utterly heartbroken and in complete shock. We have 2 little dogs together, a lovely home, a nice life together and we were both looking forward to having a baby.
He started a new job last year and sometimes works away. He worked away for a week last month. Anyway yesterday he said he didn’t feel right and barely had an appetite. Then this morning, I woke up and he was sat up in bed next to me. Said he’s waiting for a phone call from a Dr (he has private insurance). He then confessed to me that when he was out one night when he went away with work, a woman in another group they had met kissed him on the lips when saying goodbye and he thinks she had a lump on her lip - I think he had been googling and he’s worried he’s got an STI. I was obviously confused and demanded he told me the truth as I did not believe she just kissed him - he said she was flirting with him and they all had a lot to drink. Anyway he eventually told me that this woman came back to his hotel room and she gave him a blow job. I am utterly heartbroken. We had our lives planned out and had such a happy relationship. This is totally out of character. He doesn’t know how he let it happen and it begging for me to forgive him and doesn’t want to lose his family, I just can’t believe he has done this to me. In a way I wish he didn’t tell me I feel I am living in a nightmare.
I love him so much and I just don’t know what to do :( I am in complete shock. I have a twin sister who I usually would run to but my family adore my husband and feel if I decide to try and see past this I wouldn’t want them to know.. 💔

OP posts:
gogogoji · 14/05/2023 16:38

Wonder how many times he's done this before but without having caught anything as far as he knows. He's freaked out this time. But how many other times?

SaulSobieski · 14/05/2023 16:41

Being with a prostitute is far less likely yo catch an sti, those girls are careful.

Ah, that ol' chestnut.

Have a wee gander on UK punting luv. One of the most common services offered and requested is OWO (oral without) meaning oral sex without a condom. It's clear they do it regularly.

It's also clear that the punters are often kept waiting by them with their previous booking. They're back to back. So what std testing and symptom observing are they doing between back to back punters who - even if they use condoms for penetrative sex - could still give them Herpes, HPV etc etc from their balls/upper thighs etc.

porridgeisbae · 14/05/2023 16:46

He probably doesn't have an STI he's just worrying about it/convinced himself he has it, knowing that he's put himself and you at risk.

Not that that makes it any better.

NalafromtheLionKing · 14/05/2023 16:58

Hungryfrogs23 · 14/05/2023 13:14

I'm usually very reticent to agree with ending a relationship unless it's a last resort thing, but honestly there are so SO many red flags here and you are currently in a position where

A) life is good and easy and "happy". If he cheats now, there is no hope further down the line when the stress of kids kicks in. Having children can almost destroy even the best of marriages, let alone one where cheating has already occurred.

B) he lied. And lied. And lied. He lied to begin with, then lied it was a kiss, and is still lying now. No woman on earth goes up to a man's hotel room, puts his penis in her mouth for his enjoyment alone, then walks away receiving nothing herself. She's not the mother bloody Teresa of blowjobs.

C) you currently don't have the ties of children to consider. You can leave now and find someone who isn't going to cheat, whilst putting both you and any potential baby at serious risk of harm from STDs. There are plenty of STDs without symptoms, so had he not got actual lumps/blisters would he have ever told you? I doubt it. But the risk you'd be put at would be there regardless.

I get how huge this must be and how heartbreaking. Its a long time and family ties and house, dogs etc. All of which must feel overwhelming. But it isn't you who has disregarded those things. It's him. He wasn't thinking about any of that whilst being sucked off in a hotel room. He also wasn't thinking about your hurt or your health or your future. Blowjobs don't happen by accident (plus whatever else went on). He had the whole time walking up to that room to change his mind and he didn't. He has shown you what he's capable of, you have to make a decision based on who he is, not who you thought or believed he is.

I'm so sorry for your pain xxx

This, 100%.

It’s such a horrible thing to happen but a blessing in disguise that it happened now, while you’re still young and before you have children. If you overlook this then I guarantee you will be back here in a few years’ time with far fewer options and bitterly regretting that you stayed with him.

BeverForget · 14/05/2023 17:03

Sorry, but a kiss in a bar can stop at a kiss.
A blowjob in a room is highly unlikely to have stopped there.
He is seeing what he can get away with telling you, and it is only the threat of an unhideable STI that has made him tell you at all...

LudicrouslyCapaciousBag · 14/05/2023 17:05

Well, I hope it was an earth-shattering blowjob to make it worth losing his marriage. Get a sexual health appointment this week.

dontgobaconmyheart · 14/05/2023 17:12

I wouldn't be protecting a man who did this from my families (false) good opinion. It isn't your burden to carry OP. We as women do not exist to make sure that men are buffered from every situation they might not want or might not like, when these things are entirely their doing in the first place. He's a liar and there isn't any bigger disrespect really OP that what he's done - he's minimised and lied to boot and would have got away with it and happily endangered your health (if it is even the first time) if he felt he could have done so or there been no impact on him. I will never know how people can persuade themselves that their partners love them when they do things like this - yes the reality is very difficult but the fantasy required to carry on in relationships after cheating and lying, is surely worse. He wanted to do it, he did, the effect it will have on you was tertiary to that, secondary was his concern about whether he might get an STI, which says it all.

Prioritise your health here and get tested immediately, after that just be kind to yourself OP and remember that putting yourself first now is what's important here.

OlympicProcrastinator · 14/05/2023 17:18

Very few women would just go and give a blow job and get nothing in return. That’s just rubbish OP. They had full sex.

I agree with PP get out now. I know you probably won’t but if you don’t you will be back here again in a few years with a baby regretting you didn’t get out now.

Flowersun6 · 14/05/2023 17:19

I would be livid if my DH told me this. He could of sorted himself out without giving you heartache. Is he not capable of doing a STI check? FFS honestly POOR OP.

Moonie84 · 14/05/2023 17:39

What a dirty bast@rd. I'd be getting a sti check. He's obviously been shagging without a condom and now he feels he has no option but to confess because the dirty little f*cker has blister on his knob or it burns when he takes a piss. Get an sti check. There's worse things than herpes like hiv . Boot him out of the house and don't let him get into your head. If he's cheated once and not been honest i mean, oh it was just a goodbye kiss that turned into a blowjob. more than likely been shagging others behind your back. Don't be gullible . I hope for your sake your not pregnant by this twat this month. Who knows he could have a couple of b@stard sprogs floating about

Whiteroomjoy · 14/05/2023 17:41

Dogsitterwoes · 14/05/2023 12:52

Aha, yep, because women are desperate to give blow jobs to random men and get nothing in return...

I'm so sorry he did this to you.

This. Absolutely key point

viques · 14/05/2023 17:43

Like others I think you are only being told this time because he is scared shitless he has got a STD and that his precious dick is going to turn green and fall off. . Get yourself tested. Tell him to pack his bags, you will never be able to trust him again and you deserve better than always wondering what he is up to. And if his parents, or your parents ask what has happened in your relationship then tell them. They deserve to know what a cheating scumbag he is.

Zone2NorthLondon · 14/05/2023 17:44

Madamecastafiore · 14/05/2023 12:05

They only ever tell you what they think they'll get away with OP.

Yes absolutely true
Revelation by stealth, to test out his lies

viques · 14/05/2023 17:48

Flowersun6 · 14/05/2023 17:19

I would be livid if my DH told me this. He could of sorted himself out without giving you heartache. Is he not capable of doing a STI check? FFS honestly POOR OP.

Are you seriously saying you think if he had popped along to the clinic and downed a few pills that that would excuse his behaviour and the OP need never have known?

he has cheated (probably not for the first time)

he has potentially infected the OP with a lifelong condition , herpes, HIV, or syphillis to name just three

he has potentially endangered a foetus if the OP discovers she is pregnant.

Cherry85 · 14/05/2023 17:51

Not to make this worse..... most women hate giving blow jobs and wouldn't unless they were leading on to something else or something in it for them..... sorry but being down on my knees at the end of the night for some random doesn't sound that much fun. I'd suspect there was more.

Whiteroomjoy · 14/05/2023 17:52

HisHobbyIsSex · 14/05/2023 15:35

Being with a prostitute is far less likely yo catch an sti, those girls are careful.

Also, women do just give bjs, well I did when much younger as you don't know at that age what is what and if a man only wants that, then that's what went on.

Having said that, a solo bj would be unusual for a hotel room with a bed and willing female in tow.....

Show quote history

I think point that was being made, that did you really give a blow job when younger to a completely random man, who had no feelings or emotional engagement with you and you knew that you were going to get absolutely nothing out of it in return, and didn’t at least fancy yourself, or hope to win over or get something from sexually, emotionally etc,
many people do “ stupid “ stuff in our youth, believing we were in love and because we think the other person loves us, wants us, or even is a future partner material. Or they do it as part of a mutually satisfying sexual encounter where sexual acts of some sort are reciprocated . or a women is paid for it

I think it’s a very rare person that would give a relative stranger an unprotected blow job for absolutely no reason whatsoever. There will be a reason. And that means OP husbands “oh it just happened and does mean anything and only that happened “ is complete bollocks.

Mangotango99 · 14/05/2023 17:53

I@Whiteroomjoy I've never given a random man a blow job in my life . Don't judge others by your own standards love

Moonie99 · 14/05/2023 17:54

@HisHobbyIsSex

Moonie99 · 14/05/2023 17:55

You tagged the wrong person lmao

YouJustDoYou · 14/05/2023 18:00

Even the "nice guys" are fully capable of cheating. I'm so sorry op x

Modda · 14/05/2023 18:09

I would find out the full details if you can

Whiteroomjoy · 14/05/2023 18:13

Mangotango99 · 14/05/2023 17:53

I@Whiteroomjoy I've never given a random man a blow job in my life . Don't judge others by your own standards love

Err, I didn’t say that…the opposite 🤦‍♀️🤯

conxray · 14/05/2023 18:23

Aha, yep, because women are desperate to give blow jobs to random men and get nothing in return...

This was also my first thought.
It might happen as part of a relationship/FWB type thing where the favour will be returned.
But in the situation the DH has described - starts off by supposedly kissing him goodbye, then they flirt, then they end up in a hotel room, she gives him a blowjob. The End. Yeah right. There's no way that happened like he describes.

OP I am sorry he has done this. You would never be able to trust him again. He will come out with all kinds of bullshit now.
I would recommend you do three things immediately to give you some headspace to think:

  1. Stop TTC. No sex
  2. STI check
  3. Talk to your twin sister. You need support. Not everyone in the family has to know but you need someone to talk to. If you decide to "see past this" as you say, so what if your sister knows.
TheSnowyOwl · 14/05/2023 18:24

So either he only admitted the minimum he could get away with after being pushed and, at very best it’s a kiss and a blow job with nothing else.

Or in nine years he was unfaithful just once and taken advantage of by a women giving him a kiss and an unreciprocated blow job and, what are the odds, he got an STI from it.

Much more likely he is a serial cheat who has finally got caught out.

choccytime · 14/05/2023 18:34

Ugh you poor thing , kick him out the dirty bastard

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