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Original poster

Married a year and a half and husband cheated on me oral sex

124 replies

Heartbroken6 · 14/05/2023 11:55

I’m 33, me and my husband have been together 9 years, got married a year and a half ago. We have been trying for our first baby for the last few months also. I 100% trusted him, we have a happy marriage and never ever would have thought he would do something like this to me. He is the kindest, loveliest man and I am now utterly heartbroken and in complete shock. We have 2 little dogs together, a lovely home, a nice life together and we were both looking forward to having a baby.
He started a new job last year and sometimes works away. He worked away for a week last month. Anyway yesterday he said he didn’t feel right and barely had an appetite. Then this morning, I woke up and he was sat up in bed next to me. Said he’s waiting for a phone call from a Dr (he has private insurance). He then confessed to me that when he was out one night when he went away with work, a woman in another group they had met kissed him on the lips when saying goodbye and he thinks she had a lump on her lip - I think he had been googling and he’s worried he’s got an STI. I was obviously confused and demanded he told me the truth as I did not believe she just kissed him - he said she was flirting with him and they all had a lot to drink. Anyway he eventually told me that this woman came back to his hotel room and she gave him a blow job. I am utterly heartbroken. We had our lives planned out and had such a happy relationship. This is totally out of character. He doesn’t know how he let it happen and it begging for me to forgive him and doesn’t want to lose his family, I just can’t believe he has done this to me. In a way I wish he didn’t tell me I feel I am living in a nightmare.
I love him so much and I just don’t know what to do :( I am in complete shock. I have a twin sister who I usually would run to but my family adore my husband and feel if I decide to try and see past this I wouldn’t want them to know.. 💔

OP posts:
LeavesOnTrees · 14/05/2023 15:32

BTMadmummy · 14/05/2023 15:23

Really, is there any need for this comment?

Show quote history

This comment was probably made because he said that the woman went up to his room and just gave him a blow job.
Women don't generally do that, so either he paid her or they did more.

I'm sorry OP, this must be devastating.

Seas164 · 14/05/2023 15:35

Stop trying for a baby, get full std screening, go private and he can foot the bill.

Tell who you need to tell in order to get the support you need, this isn't your dirty little secret to keep.

It's possible to work through infidelity, if youre willing it depends on his actions now and how much work he is willing to put in to rebuild your trust and continue to do so.

Personally, it would be the end of the road for me. Sorry OP.

HisHobbyIsSex · 14/05/2023 15:35

LeavesOnTrees · 14/05/2023 15:32

This comment was probably made because he said that the woman went up to his room and just gave him a blow job.
Women don't generally do that, so either he paid her or they did more.

I'm sorry OP, this must be devastating.

Show quote history

Being with a prostitute is far less likely yo catch an sti, those girls are careful.

Also, women do just give bjs, well I did when much younger as you don't know at that age what is what and if a man only wants that, then that's what went on.

Having said that, a solo bj would be unusual for a hotel room with a bed and willing female in tow.....

TheUsualChaos · 14/05/2023 15:35

The long and short of it is LTB. Get out now before there are children involved. What a disgrace he is.

rileynexttime · 14/05/2023 15:41

Against the grain I know but I think he got drunk and got carried away .I'd stick with him .

Beginningless · 14/05/2023 15:57

I feel so sad for you. What an arsehole to fuck up a lovely life for the sake of a bit of lust. But spending any time on these boards tells you this will happen again, sadly. And can you imagine the subsequent hurt and insecurity for you if you try to forgive? You deserve to feel secure.

Sarahtm35 · 14/05/2023 15:57

I’m sorry but I don’t think this is something I’d ever get past. I highly doubt it was just oral sex and chances are this isn’t the first time he’s done it and could have even possibly paid for it.
If I was in your situation I’d be ending the marriage.

mummymeister · 14/05/2023 15:58

he isnt just cheating on you, he is also a liar as well and has only told you now because he has been caught out and absolutely has to. otherwise you would never have known. this is not a one off. no otherwise happily married man suddenly has sex with someone else out of the blue, and you know it too. get him tested and ask to see the results because, as has already been established, he is a liar, get yourself tested and then decide if you can live with this lie always being between you. i couldnt personally.

mysonsmother82 · 14/05/2023 15:58

Highly unlikely it was just a blowjob and the only reason he is confessing now is because he feels he has to. Without the possible std you'd be none the wiser and he'd cheat every chance he got.. Does that really sound like the sort of man you'd want fathering your children?
If you honestly want to stay it's probably going to take therapy and a lot of time to get the trust back and you should definitely get support from your sister.. if it make's family see him in a different light then so be it he brought it on himself.
Don't make this easy for him, he sounds like an awful husband and I'm sure you deserve better.

CheeseAndOnionIsMyFav · 14/05/2023 16:01

I really can't imagine two adults in a hotel room with no interruptions only resutling in her giving him a BJ and leaving. Either they were so hammered he couldn't keep it up or they fell into some drunken stupor. Regardless, I expect the intention was for more even if that didn't actually happen.

I would separate and take some time to really think what you want to happen next. You don't have to divorce if you don't want to, but if I felt the relationship could be worked on, I'd be doing it from a separated stance, seeking relationship counselling and slowly rebuilding a new relationship. But, honestly, I'd struggle with trust going forward.

NoraBattysCurlers · 14/05/2023 16:05

He then confessed to me that when he was out one night when he went away with work, a woman in another group they had met kissed him on the lips when saying goodbye and he thinks she had a lump on her lip - I think he had been googling and he’s worried he’s got an STI. I was obviously confused and demanded he told me the truth as I did not believe she just kissed him - he said she was flirting with him and they all had a lot to drink. Anyway he eventually told me that this woman came back to his hotel room and she gave him a blow job.

This sounds like a convulated way of saying that he hired a prostitute to come to his hotel room to give him a blow job. Now he is worried that he has an STI.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 14/05/2023 16:06

B) he lied. And lied. And lied. He lied to begin with, then lied it was a kiss, and is still lying now. No woman on earth goes up to a man's hotel room, puts his penis in her mouth for his enjoyment alone, then walks away receiving nothing herself. She's not the mother bloody Teresa of blowjobs. ‘

they do if that’s what they are being paid for.

iwantabasketbag · 14/05/2023 16:06

I wouldn't risk staying with him, it's likely he did have sex but won't admit it. You can't trust him again, with no kids, I'd leave.

Moonie99 · 14/05/2023 16:11

So he called the doctor becsuse he's worried a woman who gave him a blow job gave him herpes? What would lead him to think that op. Has he got blisters on his penis ?

I would book in for an sti test. He's lied about how far it went. A woman isn't going to go back to a hotel room and give a man a blow job and leave. Unless she's a prostitute who was paid for a blowjob only. A woman is going to want something in return . Weather he performed oral sex down on her or had full unprotected sex. I'd reckon he has had fully unprotected sex and something has happened. He's having some symptoms or she's informed him she has an sti. I'd get rid of this asshole. One a cheater always a cheater. He's a scumbag for cheating on a you. What if you were currently pregnant? Jesus what if that woman he was with got pregnant. Get rid of him, as hard as it will be you deserve better and to find someone who is loyal.

HarrietStyles · 14/05/2023 16:11

I think the only plausible scenario where a woman came to his hotel room to give him a blow job, then left without receiving anything in return, would be a prostitute. So he either hired a prostitute, or he had full sex with a co-worker. Either would be unforgivable to me. Please stop trying for a baby with this man, if you haven’t thrown him out. If he can cheat on you 18 months into a happy marriage …….. then he absolutely will not stay faithful to you while you are pregnant and with a newborn and your sexlife is likely to reduce for a year or two.
Personally I would get out now while you are still young and find a new partner to have children with, one who you will be able to trust and not worry about every time he sets off for work.

LightlySearedontheRealityGrill · 14/05/2023 16:12

Highly unlikely, a woman from work has given him a STI, more likely he has been seeing prostitutes.

porridgeisbae · 14/05/2023 16:13

They always lie and minimize and try to say it was just oral @Heartbroken6 .

Assume they had sex. x

LightlySearedontheRealityGrill · 14/05/2023 16:14

Waking up to the truth sets you free.

justprance · 14/05/2023 16:18

Thisisworsethananticpated · 14/05/2023 15:25

Sounds like has has cheated and has now maybe caught herpes (which isn’t the end of the world but NOT optimal for a pregnant woman )

please think very VERY hard if you want to go through pregnancy and newborn with this

people do cheat , it happens and can be forgiven
but it is very early days in your marriage for this and you are ‘happy’

So why’s he screwing random women ?

This...

Talk to your family.
He isn't telling you the entire truth.

Check out 'the script'.

randomusername2020 · 14/05/2023 16:19

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

Thoughtful2355 · 14/05/2023 16:19

personally it would break my heart but i could never forgive someone for cheating. how could i trust someone not to cheap when we have kids and have been married 20/30 years if they did it so easily when life was so easy?

Nope, whether it was oral sex or more it would be enough for me. i would be devistated and cry for weeks maybe months but it would be better than spending my life never trusting them again.

Lavenderheys · 14/05/2023 16:20

Arou · 14/05/2023 12:35

This is horrible. I’m so sorry. You must be in bits. I don’t want to scare you but what your partner has done to you is beyond cheating. Unprotected sexual contact could lead to diseases that cause permanent infertility and worse… Obviously you won’t know until you know but the idea that this could have happened and he gave it no thought.

I would find this really hard to forgive but really I’m not sure how I could trust someone who said they had a kiss which has swapped to oral? What is it really and how many times? Was it this time when he was with someone who had an outward STI that he thought ‘oops’. I find it really weird he decided to go for it despite noticing too. It’s your life but if I were in your position - no kids, whole life ahead of you - I’d run. You deserve better.

All of the above. Also if he doesn’t know how it came to happen then how can he ever say it wouldn’t happen again. He’s out you at risk of an sti. This would be divorce territory for me.

IWantRebeccasConfidence · 14/05/2023 16:24

He’s only owned up as he thinks he’s got an STI. Got get checked and then decide if he’s done this I ce he’ll do it again and if you can work past this

Straightsidedcircle · 14/05/2023 16:28

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

NumberTheory · 14/05/2023 16:36

If his unfaithfulness was supposed to have happened last month I think it's highly unlikely that he's been worrying about a lump she had on her lip and decided to get tested.

Most likely she's found out she's got an STI and has followed the advice she will have been giving to let all her sexual partners know that they need to get tested. Alternatively the lump on her lip niggled a bit but he's since had symptoms himself. This will be why he is suddenly worried enough to not be sleeping about something that happened weeks ago.

I don't know what you do about it OP, other than get STI tested and put an indefinite hold on trying to get pregnant. It's something you need to work out for yourself. I would say, he seems to have only owned up (and even then, begrudgingly) when he was feeling the pressure of being outed by an STI. And working away from home is very high risk for affairs. This doesn't, to me, bode well for ensuring it doesn't happen again. If you do decide to stay with him, I think you need to get him to do some work (get counseling?) on working out why he did it, and what he can do to mitigate that risk in the future. Personally I wouldn't want to stay with him if he didn't volunteer the idea of changing jobs so he isn't working away from home.

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