Page 5 | Married men in 40s/50s ..I despair!

gunnipl · 2023-05-13T13:09:54+00:00

I dont go out much anymore but went out for dinner and drinks last night. Perhaps I am innocent and the landscape has changed but the pub I went to is our local of sorts. I live in a big town in Ireland , a town that's known for tourists and holidaymakers . A foodie type place. Anyway, the pub was filled with married men on golf trips, stags and weekend get aways. I am a very average woman of 48 and was hot in by at least ten men. All of them married, all but two wearing weddings rings , all admitted to be married . I am genuinely shocked by this . Am I completely naive ? I'd like to meet a man and on line dating doesn't seem to be for me so I feel utterly hopeless this afternoon.

GreyCarpet · 14/05/2023 19:26

What donyou mean by "hitting on".

Someone who is 'chatting up' with the intention of taking it further.

I'm 48 years old. I can tell the difference between someone chatting to me and someone hitting on me.

SaulSobieski · 14/05/2023 19:30

IsThereAnEchoInHere · 14/05/2023 17:09

And yet, single and/or childfree women are shamed and told to get a husband quickly 😬!
Crazy!

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Yeah it's funny that the sane people who also say (in addition to ken having an evolutionary excuse for cheating that women don't) that womens only value & relevance is youth abd fertility and their "cliff" is anywhere between 23/25 and 30/35 ..... But that women should get married young, have kids young, not proritise a career and he a good, traditional housewife ........

For what; you said we're worthless and low value after 25/30 and men will naturally move in to plough "fertile fields" so why would we hitch our wagon to you, leave ourselves dependant on you and leave ourselves totally vulnerable financially etc?? It's not every man is a Trump where his wife will even get a good settlement/payout; most men have average salaries and you'll get, if you're lucky, a little bit of house equity and a shit child maintenance.

String logic - from these men who claim they're more logical than women

SaulSobieski · 14/05/2023 19:31

*Strong logic

QueenBitch666 · 14/05/2023 20:38

Gazumper · 14/05/2023 17:01

Everyone seems to have forgotten that men aren’t biologically designed to stay with one woman for their whole lives. It’s our current society that promotes monogamy, not nature! We are naturally not monogamous creatures so it’s really no surprise that men stray! I think I remember reading that men are biologically designed to stay with a woman rearing offspring until the child is around 2 years old.

How convenient 🙄

TheHandmaiden · 14/05/2023 20:40

That's what boys trips are for. What happens on tour stays on tour, as they say.

Inthebathagain · 14/05/2023 20:45

treespouse · 14/05/2023 18:25

*My favourite was when a prostitute approached them in Prague. She asked what games they'd like to play with her. His friend replied " How much to play Buckaroo?"

Their holidays are solely about getting friends living all over the UK together in one neutral place for watching sport and drinking.*

Their annual boys trip. Chatting to prostitues in Prague. PRAGUE. And you think he's not up to anything???

Yes, he enjoys spending time with his friends in a group. They see each other once a year for their annual jolly.

Yes, they were playing their drinking games at a table in the bar and a prostitute approached them in prague when they went for refills.

It happens. I've seen suspected prostitutes working their turf all over Europe. A group of middle aged English men are prime pickings.

By your logic, no man should ever go away with his mates if they want to be considered trustworthy. Ludicrous.

GabrielleLegs · 14/05/2023 21:46

Ten different men came up to a woman whilst she was eating her dinner in a local foodie pub and engaged in sufficient chatting up conversation to explain their marital status.

Does this happen often to people?

Bluemuf · 14/05/2023 22:38

GabrielleLegs · 14/05/2023 21:46

Ten different men came up to a woman whilst she was eating her dinner in a local foodie pub and engaged in sufficient chatting up conversation to explain their marital status.

Does this happen often to people?

Yes, you've cracked it. This never happens. In a bar maybe, but while you're eating dinner and ten times in one evening?

Livelifelaughter · 15/05/2023 08:03

GreyCarpet · 13/05/2023 20:32

There are so many women who post on here who speak ever s confidently about their husband's going away for regular holidays with their friends while she goes with hers.

I always wonder of they realise that this is how men behave when they're away.

Tell me about it. I have posted on the subject of frequent weekends away and get lots of responses on the " my dh/DP trust one another and go away frequently apart; it's healthy and normal" - obviously people do have weekends away but I am sure some aren't quite so innocent

Bluemuf · 15/05/2023 09:14

Livelifelaughter · 15/05/2023 08:03

Tell me about it. I have posted on the subject of frequent weekends away and get lots of responses on the " my dh/DP trust one another and go away frequently apart; it's healthy and normal" - obviously people do have weekends away but I am sure some aren't quite so innocent

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I am often part of a boys weekend away, by virtue of being quite good at the hobby and therefore competeing/training with men.

The married ones are always impeccably behaved and tbh the single ones are more interested in doing what they went for than anything else.

Maybe they regulate becuase I'm there, but if I was cramping their style, I'm sure they'd find a way to uninvite me.

Yes, I'm sure some lads weekends are all about sex, more likely the ones where they've told you they're away with mates and they're not though IMO. Men enjoy getting away from it all with their friends as much as women do ime

GreyCarpet · 15/05/2023 17:06

Livelifelaughter · 15/05/2023 08:03

Tell me about it. I have posted on the subject of frequent weekends away and get lots of responses on the " my dh/DP trust one another and go away frequently apart; it's healthy and normal" - obviously people do have weekends away but I am sure some aren't quite so innocent

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I think that some women assume that men see things in the same wayj as they do.

It's like when women post saying,"I have no problem with my husband going to strip clubs. I went to one once and it was the least sexy thing I have ever seen." Well, married hetero women aren't the target audience, are they?

Some women are very naive when it comes to the way (many) men think and behave.

Thesharkradar · 15/05/2023 17:10

Some women are very naïve when it comes to the way (many) men think and behave
women generally are conditioned to obey/defer to men, some of us break through the conditioning, others aren't able to

Livelifelaughter · 15/05/2023 17:12

GreyCarpet · 15/05/2023 17:06

I think that some women assume that men see things in the same wayj as they do.

It's like when women post saying,"I have no problem with my husband going to strip clubs. I went to one once and it was the least sexy thing I have ever seen." Well, married hetero women aren't the target audience, are they?

Some women are very naive when it comes to the way (many) men think and behave.

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I asked a very good male friend to introduce me to a friend of his; he refused, he said he had been on golf trips with him and there's absolutely no way he would want him to date a female friend of his....

MaxTalk · 15/05/2023 17:17

Bluemuf · 15/05/2023 09:14

I am often part of a boys weekend away, by virtue of being quite good at the hobby and therefore competeing/training with men.

The married ones are always impeccably behaved and tbh the single ones are more interested in doing what they went for than anything else.

Maybe they regulate becuase I'm there, but if I was cramping their style, I'm sure they'd find a way to uninvite me.

Yes, I'm sure some lads weekends are all about sex, more likely the ones where they've told you they're away with mates and they're not though IMO. Men enjoy getting away from it all with their friends as much as women do ime

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My experience is very different to yours.

No idea what hobby you are into but given even the slightest chance of getting laid, most men will take it. Married or not.

OhmygodDont · 15/05/2023 17:43

I think it’s most men if given the chance tbh. One of the secret reasons I wanted dh to have a vasectomy so that if he was out there cheating he was not about up blow up our family with some imposter child.

Get a group for men out and add beer it’s all bets off. Add in it being a trip away somewhere so there is also no going home to the wife and kids tonight on their minds you might as well book the test.

Couldn’t be with someone who did lads trips or regularly big nights out and yes I am aware it can happen at work or a lunch break or whatever thus as a minimum I know he anit making no babies with some ow.

guineacup · 15/05/2023 19:10

summerfinn · 13/05/2023 20:51

If my partner and father to my children wanted to go on weekend boys trips away I'd tell him not to come back. He doesn't drink or go out at night time anymore anyways neither do I . That's disgusting behaviour. I don't get it at all. Why bother being married. Pigs

You'd LTB if he wanted to go away with his friends... Wow, even for MN that's something 😂

coxesorangepippin · 15/05/2023 19:12

Yeah, no surprise

Men will jump anything

coxesorangepippin · 15/05/2023 19:13

If my partner and father to my children wanted to go on weekend boys trips away I'd tell him not to come back

^^

I'm a bit of a Puritan but bloody hell

Livelifelaughter · 15/05/2023 19:48

This is quite different from the post on "holidaying separately in a relationship"... everyone bar a few on there was saying how many holidays they had apart, how it was normal and healthy....love on MN you can get a completely different take on similar topics expressed differently..

OhmygodDont · 15/05/2023 19:51

There’s a holiday and then there’s lads on tour type holidays. Just like there’s stags and stags that involve the future father In law and brother in laws etc.

SleepingStandingUp · 15/05/2023 19:56

summerfinn · 13/05/2023 20:51

If my partner and father to my children wanted to go on weekend boys trips away I'd tell him not to come back. He doesn't drink or go out at night time anymore anyways neither do I . That's disgusting behaviour. I don't get it at all. Why bother being married. Pigs

Do you honestly think that every man who goes away overnight without his partner tries to have sex with women? I'm not questioning OPs experience, but I doubt it was every single man in the bar

5128gap · 15/05/2023 19:58

Livelifelaughter · 15/05/2023 19:48

This is quite different from the post on "holidaying separately in a relationship"... everyone bar a few on there was saying how many holidays they had apart, how it was normal and healthy....love on MN you can get a completely different take on similar topics expressed differently..

No doubt expressed by different people!

SleepingStandingUp · 15/05/2023 20:07

Bartg · 14/05/2023 08:04

Why do they leave wedding rings on? Seems a bit odd it would be easier to take them off surely? Just pondering …..

Because some women are up for no strings sex and a wedding ring means he's not going to be chasing you for a follow up?

SleepingStandingUp · 15/05/2023 20:11

Inthebathagain · 14/05/2023 20:45

Yes, he enjoys spending time with his friends in a group. They see each other once a year for their annual jolly.

Yes, they were playing their drinking games at a table in the bar and a prostitute approached them in prague when they went for refills.

It happens. I've seen suspected prostitutes working their turf all over Europe. A group of middle aged English men are prime pickings.

By your logic, no man should ever go away with his mates if they want to be considered trustworthy. Ludicrous.

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Well given some posters would divorce their husbands for even wanting to go...

GabrielleLegs · 15/05/2023 20:28

Thesharkradar · 15/05/2023 17:10

Some women are very naïve when it comes to the way (many) men think and behave
women generally are conditioned to obey/defer to men, some of us break through the conditioning, others aren't able to

This argument is based on the theory that women who trust that some men behave honestly and decently don't have an equal relationship with men. That's not necessarily the case. If you have an equal trusting relationship with a man who you know well, have loved and lived with for decades then it's not necessarily because you're 'taken in by conditioning', it could be because he's a decent chap.

I've worked in very male environments, often working away from home with married men and I've seen very little evidence of the kind of assholery described on here. People worked and went home as soon as they could.