I've been with my partner for a little over a year. It's been a bit bumpy due to his ex causing trouble, and I was unsure if I wanted to fully commit and get involved with it all at first. However, time ticks on and here we are. He has always been respectful of me as a person and so I have stuck with it.
We live separately, I have two children who live full time and solely with me. I'm a working mum, receiving top up UC and no maintenance. I work 32 hours a week around my youngest child, as I have no family who offer help. My partner lives alone, earns nearly £35k a year, has no children living with him full time (but does pay maintenance for his child), and is always broke, hinting to borrow money, or asking directly to.
In the past 12 months I have borrowed him money, not having any of it back so have since stopped, as I simply cannot afford it. I work to provide a life for my children over anything or anyone else, including myself. With the current climate I have seen an increase in my cost of living, as well as my youngest child who literally eats every single thing in the house.
His bills are low, he lives in an apartment that costs £450 a month. Bills are quarterly, and he uses his works car as and when he needs one, so no costs there. He is paying off two loans which I'm aware of, and so I don't mind helping him out with shopping as and when I can afford it. My living costs are more than his in the sense of housing costs and having two dependents however.
I have begun ignoring the hints for money, as he was getting far too comfortable I feel, asking to borrow a couple of times a month. He now hints but has stopped asking directly, as he knows he's never paid me back. He has only just begun paying maintenance through CSA, and is paying almost £400 a month. He used to pay £200 directly to his ex previously, so I understand this has had a knock on effect to his circumstances.
I have helped him previously as much as I can, and have been left a little short myself as the result. He has never once offered to pay me back, or been able to help me out. I have accepted this, as in most other ways he is lovely with me; gentle, well mannered and affectionate. I am starting to feel however, that it's all very one sided and he uses me when he is broke. He hardly ever takes me anywhere, if we go out I pay 9/10 times. I have now stopped this and we stay in his.
I've been single a long time previously to this relationship, and am questioning myself if I am being selfish and silly, as he is my partner and it's supposed to be a partnership, or if I'm being taken up the garden path by a man who knows my circumstances and chooses to make me feel a bit shit for not always offering to fund his lifestyle.
He rang me this afternoon hinting for money to go to a birthday party he asked me to attend with him, but has since stopped mentioning me attending and is going with friends. He sounded really sad and down in the dumps on the phone, saying how he only had £50 to go with so he wouldn't be able to stay out long. In the past I'd offer to help, but I stopped myself.
Am I being selfish?