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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Have I been unkind?

101 replies

SunnyDoc · 09/05/2023 08:56

My boyfriend is currently ignoring me. Basically, he wanted me to come over but due to various reasons I am not free until Friday.

He wasn’t happy with this and said that he might not be able to wait that long and might have to sleep with one of his colleagues to ‘tide him over’.

I replied that I knew my worth. He replied that it was a difficult decision and that he should crack on. I also said that he might want to consider keeping quiet about things like this or I might make the decision for him and remove myself from the supposed ‘competition’.

He is now not speaking to me. This is a man in his late 40s. I want to have a sensible conversation with him where I explain that I found his comments hurtful but I am starting to think that it’s not worth it.

I just wanted some outside perspective though on whether I had been unkind to him.

OP posts:
CoffeeAndFagToStartTheDay · 09/05/2023 08:58

err he'd have been dumped on his first text.

jesus

AlisonDonut · 09/05/2023 08:58

Not unkind enough. Why are you letting him treat you like this?

Fucking get rid.

Billybagpuss · 09/05/2023 08:59

Yep remove yourself from the competition

Sparklfairy · 09/05/2023 09:00

Errrr... he's basically just admitted to you being nothing more to him than a hole to stick his dick into. There's literally nothing you can say that would be unkind enough in response!

Themermaidspool · 09/05/2023 09:00

Why on earth does he think his colleagues would want to sleep with him? Eewww! (Missing point of him being a dick)

Mustardandchickensandwiches · 09/05/2023 09:01

Dump him

Beamur · 09/05/2023 09:03

He's a twat.
I'd have replied 'go on then' to his reply and considered myself well rid.

FlipFlops4Me · 09/05/2023 09:03

Sparklfairy · 09/05/2023 09:00

Errrr... he's basically just admitted to you being nothing more to him than a hole to stick his dick into. There's literally nothing you can say that would be unkind enough in response!

This! Just LTB. He's a total cunt.

stealthninjamum · 09/05/2023 09:06

Op why would you think you’re unkind? Do you have self esteem issues? Please dump him, you have to be a real piece of scum to threaten to sleep with someone else because your girlfriend has a busy week. A decent man would say ‘ are you busy, shall I bring a takeaway over Friday so you can relax?’

rileynexttime · 09/05/2023 09:08

This can't be a genuine post .

Oopsiedaisyy · 09/05/2023 09:11

He's an arse. Just laugh and walk away.

SnowAtRedRocks · 09/05/2023 09:14

I replied that I knew my worth.

You need to actually mean it.

The fact that you’re posting here to ask if you’ve been unkind says to me that you don’t know you’re worth at all.

It’s hard to believe this could be real.

SnowAtRedRocks · 09/05/2023 09:15

*your

MyCatIsAFuckwit · 09/05/2023 09:15

Christ on a bike, this twat would never hear from me again.
Know your worth OP

3luckystars · 09/05/2023 09:15

drop him like a hot potato

Original poster
SunnyDoc · 09/05/2023 09:18

It genuinely is real. I’m sorry you don’t believe me and I don’t know why but the fact that some people might be doubting me has made me feel really panicky. I think I might have something wrong with me.

I’ve spent an awful lot of time working on myself to even get the strength to say that I know my worth.

OP posts:
Opentooffers · 09/05/2023 09:21

He's basically saying that if there are any gaps in future meetings he will be inclined to sleep with someone else. This may or may not be true, but he's testing you to see if it will control you into doing his bidding. Showing a nasty side to him, would explain why he's single. Definitely time to block and move on, totally ignore him back as it doesn't even warrant any discussion, he's shown you who he is.

Mustardandchickensandwiches · 09/05/2023 09:23

Just dump him op.

Quick text back (he doesn't deserve more) " I think it's best we end things here, all the best to you for the future" and then block him on everything.

Beamur · 09/05/2023 09:23

In which case OP you're nearly there.
You've talked the talk. Now live up to it.
You are worth more than a man who threatens to sleep with other women in order to bring you to heel. He's manipulative and abusive.
He will almost certainly reply at some point and either be really nice to try and reel you back in, or petulant and sulky and try and make this all your fault.
Honestly, if this is how he is, dump him. Find someone who treats you with kindness.

ChristmasFluff · 09/05/2023 09:24

So do you not think you are worth more than this vile controlling piece of shit?

Knowing your worth is not shown by words. It's shown by actions. A woman who values herself will dump a man like this and recognise it as a blessing that he showed himself.

It's not unkind, it is recognistion that your values do not align (you value yourself and he doesn't value you), and so you are freeing him to find someone who does align with his values.

Seaoftroubles · 09/05/2023 09:25

OP, lts hard to believe that you would even consider that you have been unkind. He sounds like a nasty piece of work and you should have dumped him there and then. You say you've been working on yourself but you need go do more, please get some counselling for your low self esteem. And finish with your disgusting boyfriend asap.

Sheepsheepeverywhere · 09/05/2023 09:27

Your worth is you block and delete him this very minute...

Beautiful3 · 09/05/2023 09:28

Agree with a previous poster, you actually were not unkind enough. Eurgh what a horrid man. Honestly I would dump him. That's not normal, to emotionally black mail you into visiting for sex. You deserve better, so don't waste any more of your time tied to this arsehole.

bingbangbongding · 09/05/2023 09:28

Remove thyself! set him free! If he comes back set him free again.

Topseyt123 · 09/05/2023 09:28

Why on earth should this not be a genuine post?

OP, why do you need to be kind to this arsehole? He is not at all kind to you. He is just using you, and his bleating that he cannot last until Friday is both cruel and pathetic.

You need to dump him. You don't need to have a reasoned discussion about it, he will just reiterate his pathetic "needs" to you because he considers them so important. Which is bollocks.

I'd dump him by text/WhatsApp. After that he would be blocked and I wouldn't speak to him again.

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