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Original poster

Have I been unkind?

101 replies

SunnyDoc · 09/05/2023 08:56

My boyfriend is currently ignoring me. Basically, he wanted me to come over but due to various reasons I am not free until Friday.

He wasn’t happy with this and said that he might not be able to wait that long and might have to sleep with one of his colleagues to ‘tide him over’.

I replied that I knew my worth. He replied that it was a difficult decision and that he should crack on. I also said that he might want to consider keeping quiet about things like this or I might make the decision for him and remove myself from the supposed ‘competition’.

He is now not speaking to me. This is a man in his late 40s. I want to have a sensible conversation with him where I explain that I found his comments hurtful but I am starting to think that it’s not worth it.

I just wanted some outside perspective though on whether I had been unkind to him.

OP posts:
BedZwift · 09/05/2023 09:29

SunnyDoc · 09/05/2023 09:18

It genuinely is real. I’m sorry you don’t believe me and I don’t know why but the fact that some people might be doubting me has made me feel really panicky. I think I might have something wrong with me.

I’ve spent an awful lot of time working on myself to even get the strength to say that I know my worth.

Sometimes it’s not easy to see the woods for the trees when you’re in it.
You are worth so so much more than this OP, he is awful, that is not normal or acceptable behaviour in any universe. Ditch him.

Opentooffers · 09/05/2023 09:29

It's just that people who know their worth would have the conviction to dump without needing to ask. Don't feel too bad on yourself though, if the old you would of hankered after trying to convince him otherwise, you've made progress in standing up to him, even if the self doubt creeping in has lead to you to gather opinion. There's no harm in asking for backup in times of doubt.

MyrtleSmurf · 09/05/2023 09:30

You said that you know your worth which is great, but you need to follow through on it.

You are absolutely worth so much more than this man. HE was being unkind to YOU, do you see that? You say you can't see him and he says he'll have to go and sleep with someone else. So a)the only reason he wants to see you is sex and b) he'll happily either shag someone else or threaten you with it. Those are not the actions of a decent person.

Follow through, tell him you're happy for him to sleep with someone else because your relationship is over. Then block and delete him.

You can do it!

JulieHoney · 09/05/2023 09:32

What an odious excuse for a man. How bloody dare he!

Dump by text, block and move on to a life free from this asshole.

Napoleonsjosephine · 09/05/2023 09:37

Wow, why would you tell him not to tell you if he’s going to shag someone else, why would you not just dump him. What a sleazy fuck he is.

MrsKeats · 09/05/2023 09:37

Are you joking?

SallyWD · 09/05/2023 09:40

Dump him immediately! He's vile. Does he colleague even have the slightest desire to sleep with him?! I doubt it.

TeaStory · 09/05/2023 09:40

He knows you found his comments hurtful. That’s why he said what he did - to hurt you, and to threaten to hurt you more if you don’t do what he wants.

Well done on making a start on knowing your worth - but the words don’t count for anything if you can’t live that value with conviction. Surely you can see you’re worth more than this fuckwit?

TeeBee · 09/05/2023 09:40

What the fuck have I just read? You are still actually talking to him????

Just reply 'Off you fuck, cunty chops. I'll find someone worth the shag thanks. Go and shag your colleague with wild abandon...if they'll have you.'

Why the hell are you still conversing with this twat??

rileynexttime · 09/05/2023 09:41

@SunnyDoc I'm sorry I posted doubting you ,your boyfriend is beyond unkind .
I hope you have some support and can find the courage to get him out of your life .Daffodil

CocoaAglow · 09/05/2023 09:43

SunnyDoc · 09/05/2023 08:56

My boyfriend is currently ignoring me. Basically, he wanted me to come over but due to various reasons I am not free until Friday.

He wasn’t happy with this and said that he might not be able to wait that long and might have to sleep with one of his colleagues to ‘tide him over’.

I replied that I knew my worth. He replied that it was a difficult decision and that he should crack on. I also said that he might want to consider keeping quiet about things like this or I might make the decision for him and remove myself from the supposed ‘competition’.

He is now not speaking to me. This is a man in his late 40s. I want to have a sensible conversation with him where I explain that I found his comments hurtful but I am starting to think that it’s not worth it.

I just wanted some outside perspective though on whether I had been unkind to him.

You don't need to say anything. He's shown you who he is. Just block him. It won't get better. It'll get a lot worse.

SpringleDingle · 09/05/2023 09:45

I’d have laughed, told him to F off and then blocked his arse. Anyone who tells me (even in jest) that he intends to cheat on me because I am not available to service his sexual needs at his demand is 100% not for me. He is an arse. Find your anger and up your standards and tell him to get to fuck!!

Bookworm20 · 09/05/2023 09:55

Basically, he wanted me to come over but due to various reasons I am not free until Friday.
He wasn’t happy with this and said that he might not be able to wait that long and might have to sleep with one of his colleagues to ‘tide him over’.
So, he only wanted to come and see you to have sex then? And if you're not available, he'll go 'get it' elsewhere. That is absolutely shocking!

I also said that he might want to consider keeping quiet about things like this or I might make the decision for him and remove myself from the supposed ‘competition’.
He doesn't need to keep quiet. He needs to fuck right off. Absolutely make his 'decision' for him!

He is now not speaking to me.
Good. That'll save you from listening to anymore of his bullshit. Stop speaking to him too. Permanently.

I want to have a sensible conversation with him where I explain that I found his comments hurtful but I am starting to think that it’s not worth it.
To start with he sounds incapable of a sensible conversation. And secondly he already knows his comments would of hurt you. Of course its not worth it. Don't waste your energy trying to explain anything to this pathetic little man.

I just wanted some outside perspective though on whether I had been unkind to him.
No you haven't been unkind. He has though.

For goodness sake, just cut him off. He intentionally said something to make you hurt. And threatened to do something that would make you hurt. Just because you didn't do what he wanted, when he wanted it! What a selfish, ignornant, pathetic excuse for a man. Honestly, just block him on everything and never speak to him again. That will drive him mad, you taking total control of the situation - the situation he caused and put himself in.
And you're not being unkind to him. You need to rephrase your thinking - be kinder to yourself. Because he won't! Anyone who would say something to intentionally hurt you is not someone who will ever have your back or will ever love you.

Daffodilmorning · 09/05/2023 09:57

Please don’t stay with someone who threatens to cheat on you if they don’t get their own way. You are worth so much more. Flowers

ELLAMAR00 · 09/05/2023 10:05

Your asking if you are being unkind and he isn't speaking to you he sounds vile be happy he isn't speaking I would get rid.

LakeTiticaca · 09/05/2023 10:06

Ugh get this horror show out of yoir life and find someone who respects you

iwantabasketbag · 09/05/2023 10:10

You haven't been unkind, you know it's him right?

yellowsmileyface · 09/05/2023 10:12

You're right to think that it's not worth it.

He's shown that he doesn't respect you. He doesn't respect women at all. I don't think you'll get what you're hoping for by telling him how much he's hurt you.

He's a disgusting, misogynistic pig and you deserve so much better.

module · 09/05/2023 10:21

I simply can't imagine any man saying such a thing to a woman he cares for.

I actually can't imagine a man saying it to someone he doesn't care for either.

Londontoderby · 09/05/2023 10:24

Unkind? Unkind!! You’re asking if you have been unkind?

Jesus lady!! Find your roar! Dump this idiot.

CharlottenBerg · 09/05/2023 10:28

Can't he 'tide himself over' (yuk) with Mary Fist? This guy is creepy on so many levels. Dump. Now.

MaisieDaisyMay · 09/05/2023 10:28

@SunnyDoc

you don't know your worth, you've just learnt the phrase and know you should know your worth. Now you need to understand it & apply it.

A man that actually spells it out for you that your place in his life is someone convenient to fuck & if not available will just fuck someone else, does you a favour. You know where you stand.

you ask if you've been 'unkind'. Do YOU think it's unkind not to be an available body for him to fuck? really?

slowquickstep · 09/05/2023 10:29

Is he 16 ? Text back saying Goodbye, then block and ignore. You are much better than this.

SimonsCow · 09/05/2023 10:29

Your worth is that you don’t deserve to be spoken to like that or given the silent treatment. Not even once. It’s not good enough. If he’s like this now then imagine if you tie yourself to him in any way (marriage, baby, house).

Run OP. The hills are that way ➡️

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 09/05/2023 10:29

What does he bring to the table? I mean why would you be with him if he is using you just for sex? Sex cant be that good?

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