56, what age should I expect for a new relationship

[LighterNights]

My husband and I split up recently, although I'm really not looking for a new relationship just yet, I do wonder what sort of age I should expect a new man to be. My husband was 4 years younger but was youthful looking too. I look at the guys my age and they just seem so old and I'm not really liking what I see. I know I'm probably looking at a general massive sweep and panicking about the negative. But, if you where dating in your mid fifties, what ages were your fellas?

Oh I should have added they tend to be players, commitment phones and want a no strings attached relationship...

I don’t understand it all , I wish women wouldn’t enable men to do this. I’m in that age bracket you reference and hell no would I entertain a man of 57 or even 50. Not only because he is 57, almost old enough to be my Dad but I’d question why isn’t he going after women his own age.

Obviously there are exceptions, like if he didn’t realise I was 15-20 years younger and we just hit it off etc but let’s face it in most cases these men were out for a younger woman. It wasn’t a coincidence.

And I hear about 22 year olds dating men my age and I don’t get it either.

Yes strictly speaking I understand people are allowed to date who they want but it’s a bit frustrating, there’s so much misogyny mixed up in the whole (certain) men constantly going for younger and trading in “older models” and dismissing women their own age.

A lot of men lie not only about their relationship status on tinder but about their age. I see men claim they are my age and I chuckle. They’re clearly way older like early 50s.

haaha yeah this is my attitude too.

I do wonder if they think it's credible - to be fair, some are. Met a guy who said he was 54, but turned out to be 64, but he could get away with younger, but unimpressed by the lying. He said he did it because if he was honest about his age, women like me wouldn't meet him. Er, yes... He did get to meet me, but why would I think of starting a relationship with someone who starts by lying?

But there are others who say they're 50s and I'd query if they're even 60s, going by their photos. They might be, but they've lived a hard life if so... if they're going to lie, they should at least attempt to make it believeable. Not lying at all is obviously the preferred option.

I think this is interesting. My experience is that every man I've met on OLD (I'm in my 50s) has lied about their age. I can't think of one that hasn't. They are all late 50s, pretending to be 50 so they can get a woman in their 40s. Which means that those of us in our early 50s can only expect a to date man in their late 50s at best.

Even if you score a date with someone who is 52, you get on the date and they fess up to being 57! It's depressing. And yes, in my experience, the men are ageing very badly. (I laugh at their arrogance that they actually think they look 49!).

I might start lying about my age too!

A huge chunk of 50+ women are listed as 40-something. They ALL claim that they 'accidentally' but the wrong year in when they registered and now can't change it.

so basically @Telemakus all men and women in their 50s are lying about their age (apart from me)?

A good proportion of them yes. I don't get it myself but I also don't get the men lying about their height/women angling their photos to take 2 stone off.

I did a lot of dating in my early to mid-fifties, and dated men around the same age as me, sometimes a little older and sometimes a bit younger. I've been with someone for over 5 years now who is seven years younger than me (I'm only just 60). People do assume we're the same age or I'm younger 😂

I look young for my age. But then again, everyone thinks they do. Even when they don't.

I'd probably put my energy into building up a big circle of friends of both sexes and then you might find that one of those organically turns into relationship material, regardless of age.
Don't do online dating, it'll just depress you.

This feels a little bit harsh... Isn't it more about who you click with than looks?
I'm 34, the last guy I was seeing was 57! I found him very attractive, even with the grey hair...

what does it even mean to say 'if you reversed the sexes' - that is literally the social/cultural picture of society for hundreds if not thousands of years?!

Both mine and my DH's dads are remarried to women much much younger than them. It's the absolute norm that men go for and prefer younger women.

Look on a porn site at the popularity of 'young/ teen' porn and have a little vomit in your mouth if you want to know what a lot of men are looking at.

Yeah, I don't think your post is really going to help, no offence!

Grim how?

My dh is 4 years younger than me, he's lost his hair now and has wrinkles, overweight and looks about 10 years older than me, while I looked after myself.
I wouldn't have been attracted to him if I met him now.
I love him though so I wouldn't go anywhere but I met him when he was good looking.

That mindset is so 20th century

I noticed that several years ago now
Many men want much younger.

I my 50s l usually dated men up to 5 years either side of my age. I still got plenty of offers from younger men but didn't actually meet with any. Wish l had now, just for fun!

I think people who look young for their age always had a baby face, it's not all make up and moisturiser.

Yes, it was a right pain trying to get served in pubs in my late teens/early 20s.

Men can want younger but they won't get it.
Massive egos

Quite a lot will get it.

@Fenimore think that poster meant the age gap.