Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

56, what age should I expect for a new relationship

114 replies

LighterNights · 01/05/2023 01:37

My husband and I split up recently, although I'm really not looking for a new relationship just yet, I do wonder what sort of age I should expect a new man to be. My husband was 4 years younger but was youthful looking too. I look at the guys my age and they just seem so old and I'm not really liking what I see. I know I'm probably looking at a general massive sweep and panicking about the negative. But, if you where dating in your mid fifties, what ages were your fellas?

OP posts:
Oopsiedaisyy · 01/05/2023 20:11

I'm 49,bf from tinder is a fit, haired, 51. Have to agree lots his age looked like they were in their 60s

Wakingonsunshine · 01/05/2023 20:12

I'm 47 and I wouldn't go above 55 max. And only if they are fit (as in trim and in shape) not smokers or heavy drinkers.
Generally the men my age want women in their 30s or early 40.
It's rare that I fancy guys older than early 50s so I'm single. Might stay that way as I don't need their money. I'm nobody's old age nurse.

5128gap · 01/05/2023 20:22

KittyAlfred · 01/05/2023 11:15

If you reversed the sexes in this advice you’d be destroyed

Show quote history

I don't know about destroyed, but if you told a man that there were plenty of younger women who'd be honoured to date him, you'd be laughed off the thread for telling outrageous porkie pies.
Men and women are not the same, it's not the same in reverse and so the advice wouldn't be the same.

5128gap · 01/05/2023 20:32

Deathbyfluffy · 01/05/2023 14:25

This is MN - men are seemingly very much the enemy 😅

Show quote history

How can you say that? There has been some very positive posts about men on here! Just not ones over 50 with ED, paunches and a sense of entitlement to young women. I'm sorry if that's touched a nerve for anyone.😂

ilovebrie8 · 01/05/2023 21:23

That’s interesting @5128gap ! One of your friends has a boyfriend 23 years younger? That’s unusual I’d say. It’s difficult in middle age as men tend to want younger...I look at people at work my age and they look much older am meaning men they have lost hair or gone v grey and just look like grumpy old men...it’s a minefield 😳I think 🤔.

ilovebrie8 · 01/05/2023 21:24

I’m guessing that is you @5128gap based on your username ! 😊

5128gap · 01/05/2023 21:39

ilovebrie8 · 01/05/2023 21:23

That’s interesting @5128gap ! One of your friends has a boyfriend 23 years younger? That’s unusual I’d say. It’s difficult in middle age as men tend to want younger...I look at people at work my age and they look much older am meaning men they have lost hair or gone v grey and just look like grumpy old men...it’s a minefield 😳I think 🤔.

Like I say, that situation is an outlier. They met in specific and unusual circumstances, and ended up in a relationship almost against their better judgement, but its working for now.
In truth, I don't think its difficult to attract men that much younger, but for it to be an actual relationship is much rarer.
A smaller age gap of ten to fifteen years is more viable I think, and definitely achievable. As you say, men can age badly, so you can be ten years older than them and look and act the same age.

Leopardlives · 01/05/2023 21:40

I am 40 and my boyfriend is 47. But we just met by accident in real life. I think it feels quite normal and not as though I’m younger?

Leopardlives · 01/05/2023 21:40

But also lots of younger men ask me out. Hardly any older ones. So guess he’s unusual for me.

HaggisBurger · 01/05/2023 21:49

I’m 50 and my bf that I met two years ago on Tinder has just turned 48. I like the fact he is fractionally younger and is in really good shape (slim rather than gym ripped). I have to say I struggled to find the over 50s guys attractive that I met OLD. I totally get what you are saying in that regard.
I deliberately lied about my age by 2 years back then to take me into the below 45 cut off that a lot of men set. I make no apologies for that. I fessed up immediately when I met my bf and he wasn’t bothered by the fib.
if I was OLD now I’d take myself back down below the 50 cut off you might consider the same.

Livelifelaughter · 02/05/2023 07:06

I know guys who are late 50s early 60s and actually don't want to date women much younger - 5 years either way because they have come out of long marriages and have adult children and want to be with someone who doesn't have the responsibility of younger children.

FredaFox · 02/05/2023 07:21

I'm late 40s and have found the same tbh
I don't want to date anyone in their 50s. I've found a lot of men 45+ have just let themselves go (on OLD) that I stop and think have I ages that badly?

AssertiveGertrude · 02/05/2023 07:27

It won’t last with him and the fancy woman !! By then you will be happy again

aurynne · 03/05/2023 02:19

I am always dismayed by the number of women that equate "but men like younger women!" to "women have to oblige and only look for older men". i couldn't give less of a flying fuck what men want. I will look for what I want, thanks very much. Old whingers can keep ogling 20 year olds who will never even look at them as any more than their grandfathers if they so wish. I actually have found that older women have no issues attracting younger men, no matter how much older guys may not like to hear that, or for women to know.

Original poster
LighterNights · 03/05/2023 04:39

It's not so much that I want a younger guy, it's more that I'd like one my age who actually gives a shit about what he looks like. Lol

Although, at the gym tonight, I had a very nice looking man say hello, I've never spoken to anyone at the gym like that ever, I've only had my wedding ring off for 4 days! Ha ha

OP posts:
QueefQueen80s · 03/05/2023 08:12

aurynne · 03/05/2023 02:19

I am always dismayed by the number of women that equate "but men like younger women!" to "women have to oblige and only look for older men". i couldn't give less of a flying fuck what men want. I will look for what I want, thanks very much. Old whingers can keep ogling 20 year olds who will never even look at them as any more than their grandfathers if they so wish. I actually have found that older women have no issues attracting younger men, no matter how much older guys may not like to hear that, or for women to know.

I know, in reality the men I know are with women their own age. I don't know women who want to be with an older man.
And if there are a few exceptions in life, of young women finding older men attractive, then there will also be younger men who find older women attractive.

These potato dead eyed podgy men can try all they want, they won't get anywhere.

Silvergoldandglitter · 03/05/2023 08:15

My dh is 55 and I'm 15 years younger. He's not let himself go at all and is very fit. There are men out there who 'have let themselves go' at every age.
I'd just go on who you have a connection with regardless of age.

5128gap · 03/05/2023 09:24

aurynne · 03/05/2023 02:19

I am always dismayed by the number of women that equate "but men like younger women!" to "women have to oblige and only look for older men". i couldn't give less of a flying fuck what men want. I will look for what I want, thanks very much. Old whingers can keep ogling 20 year olds who will never even look at them as any more than their grandfathers if they so wish. I actually have found that older women have no issues attracting younger men, no matter how much older guys may not like to hear that, or for women to know.

I completely agree.
Genuinely can't understand why women care either. If beer bellied balding Brian wants a younger woman, he can knock himself out trying for one. I'd have no interest in him anyway. The idea of competing with younger women for such a dubious 'prize' is ridiculous. Even if he was the rare specimen of a 'well preserved' older man, he would be unlikely to be as attractive as a younger one, so would face tough competition of his own, and may do well to adjust his expectations.
There are indeed plenty of men who like older women. They're young, so have nothing to prove with a trophy on their arm, so don't place such emphasis on birth dates. You also know with them that they're with you because they want to be, not just making do when they'd prefer (but can't get) a younger model.

Bitteraftertaste · 03/05/2023 09:32

What worries me about being single is in every decade of my life and I’m in your decade now op I have hardly ever fancied any men at all. The numbers are so incredibly low, probably met about 10 men in my entire 50 odd years of life who I would contemplate dating. I dated 4 of them and married 2 of them.

EBearhug · 03/05/2023 09:42

I'm 50 (actually, 51 now) and spent the last year dating. A lot of men in their 50s do have ED. Some lie about their age (one was 64; he'd dropped 10 years on his profile, on the correct assumption he wouldn't have got as many swipes right if he was honest; he was just looking for hookups.)

But there are also good-looking men out there in their 50s and some have no issues with ED. There are also younger men who want older women. So go for what interests you, but be picky and accept you might go a long while without a date, because there are also loads of men you wouldn't look twice at. (That's also true out of OLD, but you don't notice because you literally don't look twice at them, and don't have to go to the effort of swiping no.)

Twinklewonderkins · 03/05/2023 10:58

your ex sounds horrible, honestly you will be ok, it’s just so tough at the beginning.
I did OLD when me and my ex split in 2016, I dated men my age and men younger.
I'm in my early 50s and now in a 3 year relationship with a man 20 years younger, currently on holiday lying next to him in a lovely cottage.
i found it much harder to find older men to date, the pool is smaller, loads don’t take care of themselves and looked like less handsome versions of my dad, or were racist/sexist/bitter gammons. Lots of the good looking ones want a 25 year old and won’t date their age.
Obviously there are lovely men in their 50s but they are mostly married to lovely women.
good luck op.

Livelifelaughter · 03/05/2023 11:41

When I returned to dating in the 50 yr old bracket I was really surprised how many had commitment issues and I am not talking about re marriage or living together but literally going on holiday or spending a few nights a week together. Most are divorced after long marriages and see a relationship as curtailing freedom...or basically seem to want a relationship that slots neatly around their existing life without making any changes..

wavingfuriously · 07/05/2024 21:52

Livelifelaughter · 02/05/2023 07:06

I know guys who are late 50s early 60s and actually don't want to date women much younger - 5 years either way because they have come out of long marriages and have adult children and want to be with someone who doesn't have the responsibility of younger children.

Can you introduce me please?😄😉

AbsolutelyFemale · 08/05/2024 09:04

My grandma used to say to me "Better to be a young man's darling than an old man's nurse maid " bless her.

In my friendship group there are quite a few women in their 50s with younger men. I've only ever dated men my own age or slightly younger. Good luck with it, hope you find someone lovely 😍

Crikeyalmighty · 08/05/2024 10:06

If my H was single I'm sure he would be inundated-whereas I wouldn't- he's 60 this year, bit of a paunch but dresses very well, stubble, great hair, sexy job etc, don't think you would be laughing that much though and be prepared for life being 'all about him' - I'm 62 now and if I was single, I would want to stay so and have occasional boyfriends. In my experience so many men (not all) over 55 turn into argumentative miserable bores who expect you to wait on them. I wouldn't rush OP. It's easy to get the dopamine hit when you have been left on your own and rush into relationships that seem great on the surface- because few guys show their shitty side quickly