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Original poster

Mother going behind my back

94 replies

Tomatorice · 29/04/2023 23:15

DS has wanted a switch for ages but I’ve said no as the games are too expensive and we are on a low income and can’t afford the games. It was his birthday party today and my mum tried to give him a switch. Unfortunately DS saw it but I insisted she take it back. She is constantly overruling me and thinks she always knows best. Now I look like the bad guy and DS is really upset. What do I do? How do I get her to listen to me and respect my decisions as a mother?

OP posts:
ArrrMeHearties · 29/04/2023 23:21

I'm kinda on the fence on this one. If your dm can afford to buy him the switch and a game or 2 then that is a really nice thing to do. However I do see the point that you are making too. I would sit her down and say while you appreciate her buying ds x y and z if she is planning to do so then to speak to you before she does it

Aquamarine1029 · 29/04/2023 23:24

Your mother can afford to buy him a Switch, and she may also be able to buy him games. Why are you being so difficult?

Original poster
Tomatorice · 29/04/2023 23:24

Thanks @ArrrMeHearties its the principle of it really. I’d said no and she did it anyway. If we’d kept talking and come to an agreement that would have been fine, but now I look like the bad guy in front of my son. It feels manipulative

OP posts:
ShitFacedOnRetsina · 29/04/2023 23:28

But there is no moral issue here. We were poor. We were given nice stuff by relatives. It didn't diminish our parents in our eyes. If our parents had blocked the gift giving on the other hand...

I can't understand why you stopped her giving whatever present she liked. Isn't that the point of gift giving?

MaryDerry · 29/04/2023 23:29

If your only reason for your DS not being allowed a Switch is because of the cost , I'm not sure why it's a drama when someone buys him one for his birthday (when he wants one).

Seems your Ds is caught up in the crossfire of issues between your mother and you.

Aylestone · 29/04/2023 23:30

You said no because it’s too expensive for you. I also said no to my daughter getting a Pandora bracelet because it was too expensive, and to me it seems like pissing money up the wall having to buy charms for it. My mother bought my daughter a bracelet and also buys charms for it for Xmas/birthdays/Easter, so I’ve got nothing to complain about. It’s a nice thing she’s done for my daughter which I couldn’t do at the time. Your mother paid for a very expensive, lovely present which she presumably was going to buy games for. And you said no just to be a dick. FYI you can get second hand switch games for £2.

FlamingoCola · 29/04/2023 23:31

You can't afford it, I get that. I couldn't either. But, is that not what grandparents are for? They can spoil their grandkids? Your DS wanted one and you couldn't afford one, but your mum could. Why not accept that gift and be grateful? Everyone's happy, you're not out of pocket and your son is happy.

iminvestednow · 29/04/2023 23:31

Your mum bought your son something he really wanted and you’re cross? You don’t need to buy games for him… you don’t get to chose things he gets given but you do get to decide what is appropriate. You do have to explain to your son why you don’t want him to have one though, what if he says he is just happy with the one game it comes with? What will be your reason then? You sound ungrateful and controlling.

LouBaloo · 29/04/2023 23:31

You can’t control what gifts people want to give tbh. Is there a backstory that you don’t want your mum to give gifts to your DC?

TooooBusy · 29/04/2023 23:32

Did she also give a game? If not, I assume there is also a back story and this is usual for her.

QueSyrahSyrah · 29/04/2023 23:33

What a shame for your Son. My Mum couldn't afford much when I was little so most of my big ticket presents came from my Grandparents who had the money to spare. It meant I got the benefit of the lovely things and my Mum didn't have the stress of not being able to buy them for me.

Just FYI, the big name Switch Games can be expensive but there's lots on the Nintendo store for download that are much much cheaper, depending on the age of your DS and his interests. Second hand cartridge games come up too.

SassyPants87 · 29/04/2023 23:34

Wow some of these comments are a bit harsh! OP I understand where you are coming from regarding the games, they are expensive and no doubt your child will want new games if his friends have all got them too. Just explain to your son that you won’t always be able to buy him games. I would accept the switch, it’s nice that your mum bought it for him. It actually makes buying presents for him easier too if others want to buy him games

ImustLearn2Cook · 29/04/2023 23:40

“DS has wanted a switch for ages but I’ve said no as the games are too expensive and we are on a low income and can’t afford the games.”

Is it possible that your mum actually believed that the only reason why you said no was because you can’t afford it so she thought she was helping you out?

There is a big difference between undermining a parent’s decision that is final (disregarding what they want and how they choose to parent) and giving an expensive birthday present that parent can’t afford.

Could you backtrack a bit and discuss with your mum that you appreciate the thought, however you can’t afford to buy the games. Ask if she is willing to purchase a few games otherwise the Nintendo switch would be useless.

RedHelenB · 29/04/2023 23:41

Aquamarine1029 · 29/04/2023 23:24

Your mother can afford to buy him a Switch, and she may also be able to buy him games. Why are you being so difficult?

This.

Opentooffers · 29/04/2023 23:46

Nope, I think you were wrong here. Fine for you to say no to your son, but did you actually say no to your DM, or were you unhappy after she'd got it because you couldn't? To make her take it back after your son has already seen it, that is sad for your son. Too much digging your heels in unnecessarily.

Thirdsummerofourdiscontent · 29/04/2023 23:49

I sort of think you are wrong to not allow your mother to gift him that in the first place. Unless she is a controlling manipulative person.

jannier · 29/04/2023 23:52

Mother buys him a game with switch fine he waits for a new game until he's saved enough, next Christmas or birthday.
Mum buys switch and no game she's mean knowing you can't

ReleaseTheDucksOfWar · 29/04/2023 23:53

She is constantly overruling me and thinks she always knows best.

Not sure most of the above posters read this sentence, which seems like the crux of the whole problem.

As for the solution, I don't know. But I can really understand you being highly pissed off by her going behind your back regularly.

QuietOne121 · 29/04/2023 23:56

I’d let him have the Switch tbh.

WandaWonder · 30/04/2023 00:05

What our parents give our child is between them, if they are happy to keep on buying the games and not expecting me to then perfectly fine

Topee · 30/04/2023 00:05

I’d be grateful if someone bought my child a gift that they wanted but I couldn’t afford

Dreamingofasandybeach · 30/04/2023 00:14

christ let him have it. there's shops like CEX where you can get cheap switch games from and he can save any birthday / Christmas money when he wants to buy a new game.

my grandparents spoilt me and my sibling when we were younger, it's just what grandparents do.

AliceMcK · 30/04/2023 00:24

I have a very manipulative mother, this would piss me off no end. There is a reason she has no contact with my children anymore. However, agree with others about letting grandparents pay for expensive presents if they can.

Right now I’d probably have it out with your mother, I’d maybe cave on the gift with the understanding if she goes behind your back again she will be done. I’d also be telling her that given she’s kicked this off then she will need to provide games going forward. To be fair you might find he dosnt want that many. My DD has a switch, had it over a year, she bought herself a game with birthday & Christmas money. Since then she’s only asked for one extra game that wasn’t in the original bundle, grandparent’s bought it her for Christmas.

Nanny0gg · 30/04/2023 01:30

Tomatorice · 29/04/2023 23:24

Thanks @ArrrMeHearties its the principle of it really. I’d said no and she did it anyway. If we’d kept talking and come to an agreement that would have been fine, but now I look like the bad guy in front of my son. It feels manipulative

You can't afford it and said No. Perfectly reasonable. But why did that mean he couldn't have it at all if someone else (his grandmother) could afford it and wanted to buy it for him?

Why do you get to decide what other people buy? If you didn't agree with gaming and consoles then that's different. But that's not what you said.

Frankly you are the bad guy here and you've unjustly upset your DC on their birthday

RelentlessMother · 30/04/2023 01:35

I don’t care what anyone says, YOU are the mother.
You said no, she knew it, but went ahead anyway.

If anyone here thinks this is about the gift you are deluded.