Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Mother going behind my back

94 replies

Tomatorice · 29/04/2023 23:15

DS has wanted a switch for ages but I’ve said no as the games are too expensive and we are on a low income and can’t afford the games. It was his birthday party today and my mum tried to give him a switch. Unfortunately DS saw it but I insisted she take it back. She is constantly overruling me and thinks she always knows best. Now I look like the bad guy and DS is really upset. What do I do? How do I get her to listen to me and respect my decisions as a mother?

OP posts:
hayley013 · 30/04/2023 01:47

Oh no, I think if the little boy hadn't seen it then fair enough put your foot down, but on his birthday I wouldve let him have it and take it up with her seperately

ladydimitrescu · 30/04/2023 01:59

I think it's really mean you wouldn't let him
Have it once he saw it. She probably thought it was a lovely thing to do knowing you couldn't afford it. I wouldn't think of that as going behind your back.

RelentlessMother · 30/04/2023 02:22

“She probably thought it was a nice thing” “you’re mean” “you’re the bad guy”

are you lot made of unicorn dust?

the woman said NO. Anyone else going over that needs to take a hike and sod off.

people need to stop “thinking it’s a nice thing” while doing the opposite of what they were asked to do.
Bloody hell.

NotaCoolMum · 30/04/2023 02:52

Calm down @RelentlessMother!

RelentlessMother · 30/04/2023 02:55

@NotaCoolMum I’m calm. Just not a cool mum I guess….

NotaCoolMum · 30/04/2023 02:58

Nope- pretty relentless though.

Kay286 · 30/04/2023 03:03

You said as YOU can’t afford , she obviously can and wanted to do something nice and a treat ! It’s not like you didn’t want him to have it for a different reason and she had taken the reason away as she paid … just accept it for what it is a nice gesture. Honestly not letting your kid have it is ridiculous

EllandRd · 30/04/2023 03:38

RelentlessMother · 30/04/2023 02:22

“She probably thought it was a nice thing” “you’re mean” “you’re the bad guy”

are you lot made of unicorn dust?

the woman said NO. Anyone else going over that needs to take a hike and sod off.

people need to stop “thinking it’s a nice thing” while doing the opposite of what they were asked to do.
Bloody hell.

Hit a nerve have we? Or have you changed your username just so you can argue?

LadyJ2023 · 30/04/2023 03:51

Never heard of anything so petty and ludicrous. I remember amazing gifts and days out from my grandparents spoiling me and my siblings. Now the tide has shifted and my 4 get totally spoilt by my mum and dad days out gifts etc now that they have the time and extra to do it and they did from hubbys mam the other grandma till she passed to. No way would me or hubby stop a child receiving a gift from there grandparents or extended family. Doesn't matter if we could or couldn't afford it for our kids the fact someonelse has thought about it and bought it and given it shows how much they love the kids.

Coyoacan · 30/04/2023 03:56

Our father lived in another country and sent my brother a camera as a present, which my mother refused to accept as she would have had to pay duty on. I understand her motivation but my brother always carried the hurt.

Dunnoburt · 30/04/2023 04:08

Poor kid!.....yabu

Monty27 · 30/04/2023 04:35

Poor DS. Catch yourself on OP.

Mortimercat · 30/04/2023 05:22

Tomatorice · 29/04/2023 23:24

Thanks @ArrrMeHearties its the principle of it really. I’d said no and she did it anyway. If we’d kept talking and come to an agreement that would have been fine, but now I look like the bad guy in front of my son. It feels manipulative

Well you were the bad guy. Your mother tried to do a nice thing, but something you couldn’t afford and you stopped her. I grew up in a poor household, if relatives had tried to make things easier for us I would have been grateful.

orangegato · 30/04/2023 05:24

YABVU and controlling. Poor kid. It’s in your interests to give it back, not his. Very odd.

Tourmalines · 30/04/2023 05:42

You are free to make any decision for yourself in what you spend your money on. You are NOT free to make decisions on what other people spend their money on . You are bring ungrateful and mean to your son .

THisbackwithavengeance · 30/04/2023 05:42

You couldn't afford the switch. Fair enough.

Your DM can afford the switch. She can probably afford the games as well .

So why would you make her take it back?

You should be grateful that your DS is getting a nice present and something he really wants. All his friends will likely have one and he will be excluded from their games and chats.

I honestly don't understand your motives but it sounds like spite and jealousy because you think your DM has got one up on you.

Get over yourself and let your poor DS have his game.

TidyDancer · 30/04/2023 05:47

I think you shouldn't have chosen this moment to make your point about your DM respecting you. You're the one who has made yourself look like the bad guy because of it. Have a chat with your DM when the dust has settled on this but just let your DS enjoy his birthday present. You don't have to use him to make a point. Grandparents spoil their grandkids, it's practically in the job description. If she can afford the expensive presents when you can't, let her pick up the tab. Your DS doesn't miss out and you're not out of pocket. If you can reach a balance with your DM in the broader sense then you're laughing.

Clymene · 30/04/2023 05:54

The phrase cutting off your nose to spite your face comes to mind. Incidentally you can get games quite cheaply second hand from CEX and Game

Poppyblush · 30/04/2023 06:57

Yabu

Abacusporttaco · 30/04/2023 06:58

It’s really shit that your son saw it and you said no and sent it away.

Was your mum prepared to pay for the games?

If so, it’s a parenting turf war between you and your mum and your son is collateral.

GoodChat · 30/04/2023 06:59

One of the best parts of being a grandparent is treating your grandchildren to special things because you no longer have the financial burden of raising a family yourself.

It sounds like it's your ego upsetting everybody here.

GiltEdges · 30/04/2023 07:00

You dashed your little boys hopes on his birthday because of "the principle"? What an awful person you are. Once he'd seen it, it was a terrible thing to do to have her take it away again, I couldn't imagine doing that to my child.

Cosycover · 30/04/2023 07:00

Omg give him the switch! Your mum can afford it and it's his bloody birthday!

Poor wean. Feel like buying him one myself. You must be a right laugh at parties eh.

Zanatdy · 30/04/2023 07:03

I don’t understand why a relative can’t treat him if they can afford it, assuming they are going to provide the games. It’s pretty mean taking away his gift on his birthday

mumonthehill · 30/04/2023 07:07

If the only reason he could not have it is due to cost then I think you are in the wrong. Often my parents have bought gifts for dc that we may not have been able to afford and I am very grateful .

Swipe left for the next trending thread