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Original poster

Unprotected sex with a really good friend

42 replies

daftbint · 16/02/2008 23:23

Well that was clever of me eh.

I don't really understand why we did it - we have slept together before and always used a condom. Neither of us feel awkward about asking at all, so I'm not sure what went wrong. It wasn't like it was mad passionate sex where it got 'forgotten' either - just friendly and gentle and sweet. And unprotected.

But we'd spent the evening talking about how he'd like to have his own children one day, and how I'd like to have more one day, and then that happened.

It is a relatively 'safe' time for it to have happened and I very much doubt I'd be pregnant, or have caught anything nasty. I'm just a bit pissed off with myself for letting myself make a stupid subconscious decision.

Think I will get a coil fitted this month, its only been on my To-Do-List for a year or so...

OP posts:
moljam · 16/02/2008 23:25

slapped wrist-go get coil.not to do-must do.

Candlewax · 16/02/2008 23:27

No it's not daft of you. You obviously are very, very happy in this man's company and to be honest, if the sex you have is relaxed, friendly and comforting, then it is probably a good thing for both of you.

If, as a consequence of unproteced sex, you do become pregnant, then it seems from your post that neither of you would be unhappy about it.

OracleInaCoracle · 16/02/2008 23:27

dont be too hard on yourself, these things happen. however, would the MAP be an idea?

OracleInaCoracle · 16/02/2008 23:28

sorry, just reread, what candlewax said.

Original poster
daftbint · 16/02/2008 23:34

Ah its too late for MAP - this was on tuesday, I've only just got back home from staying with him in the woods.

I don't think either of us would be unhappy about it exactly, but its not a decision to be taken lightly really is it?! And if you haven't talked about it then you have no idea if each other would be happy/unhappy or whatever.

Its strange as I've heard him talk before about how daft he thinks it is to have unprotected sex and then be surprised by the consequences.

OP posts:
moljam · 16/02/2008 23:36

he does sound like nice bloke.have you talked since about not using protection?

KerryMum · 16/02/2008 23:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OracleInaCoracle · 16/02/2008 23:37

well, its done now, and tbh it sounds like neither of you would regret it.

Original poster
daftbint · 16/02/2008 23:42

He is a nice bloke - one of the nicest I know.

We haven't mentioned it at all. I'm seeing him next week I think so I might say something about it then.

And as for catching anything - I think there has to be a certain amount of trust involved between friends and I do not believe either of us is in any danger in that respect. I know its not SAFE but its not something I'm worried about in this situation.

OP posts:
HuwEdwards · 16/02/2008 23:43

is he still just a friend?

KerryMum · 16/02/2008 23:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
daftbint · 16/02/2008 23:51

KM - point taken.

HE - afai can see he is still 'just' a friend. A very good one though!

He has not long come out of a two year relationship so I'm not expecting anything much in that way really.

OP posts:
WallOfSilence · 16/02/2008 23:52

KM is just jealous

It has been about 4/5 years....

KerryMum · 16/02/2008 23:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShinyDysonHereICome · 17/02/2008 00:00

I'd quite like a friend like that

Original poster
daftbint · 17/02/2008 00:02

Sorry if I touched a nerve.

I'll go and tell the cat about it instead...

If I'm honest I'd really really like more than just friendship, but I know that he is not in a position to be able to make a committment to us at the moment.

I know I need to let go of my own expectations and see where it goes, and be glad that whatever happens we are close friends who love each others company.

OP posts:
Original poster
daftbint · 17/02/2008 00:04

ShinyDyson - it is nice having handy male friends. Very nice.

OP posts:
ShinyDysonHereICome · 17/02/2008 00:04
Grin
KerryMum · 17/02/2008 00:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

madamez · 17/02/2008 00:52

Well the only time I ever did this the result was...... DS. Everything turned out well in our case but it was a bit of a surprise.

dressedupnowheretogo · 17/02/2008 08:23

use condoms

or it willin end in tears unless your very lucky like madamez

WideWebWitch · 17/02/2008 08:35

Sounds to me like you both want a baby...
I can't see any other explanation tbh.

madamez · 17/02/2008 09:37

Whatever happens this time, maybe you should think about how much you want a baby, and maybe talk to your friend about it. From my experience I can say that co-parenting with a friend can often work out really well (better than when someone has a baby to try and prop up a shitty relationship, and certainly better than a relationship where there is abuse). DS dad was not initially pleased at me being PG (I had thought that I was very unlikely to concieve after a few gynae problems in the past and also being 39 etc. What I hadn;t reckoned with was having made a mistake in my quick drunken calculation of when my last AF had been so I couldn't have picked a more likely night to concieve if I'd tried...) but is now an excellent very involved dad to DS.

Original poster
daftbint · 17/02/2008 09:59

Well it was the last day of AF so I'm kinda hoping for the best, and will be talking to him when I see him, and asking him quite how conscious it was.

And as for both wanting a baby - wanting doesn't make it a good idea. Madamez, your very lucky! But we both have issues of our own we need to sort out, he is still quite crushed by his relationship breaking up, and I'm still dealing with pnd. And both of us are drinking/smoking far too much at the moment for it to be sensible to 'decide' to concieve.

OP posts:
MrsMattie · 17/02/2008 10:03

The dangerous thing about this sort of thing is that once you've had unprotected sex, the temptation to do it again is always there...Do you BOTH really want a child together, with all that it entails? Think carefully. Also, don't want to put a dampener on things, but how can you be sure he doesn't have an STD?