Me .. 49, him 37... A I mad to consider this?

[branflakefloat]

I met a man online. I am nearly 50 , divorced, teens at home who are relatively independent.
He is 37, single , never married, no kids .
I am Independent also but work full time so am limited time wise.
I would love a casual relationship where we meet every now and again for dinner and drinks and overnights.

We are face timing a lot , texting a bit every day and chat on the phone .
We plan to meet next week for an early dinner.
I'm going to stay at the hotel as it was a gift and I fancy a night away on my own .

Firstly am I nuts to consider this with a man 23 years my
Junior and secondly if there were sparks would I be nuts to invite him to stay over with me?

He is very into this and is open and honest about it all. The only hang up I have is that I'm flabby and unfit and very average looking. He is the exact opposite. So I'm a bit
I've the research done on him btw so he is exactly who he says he is .

men go for women at least 12 years younger than them literally all the time, in many cases that is their ideal.
when the sexes are reversed, provided you are totally happy with him also having sex with other women at the same time as him having sex with you, and ultimately if he ends up getting his "head turned" by someone his own age (or someone much younger than him) leaving you for them, if you are ok with all that then go for it.
Why not?

Hi OP, I’m in my early 50s and in a relationship with a man 20 years younger, he doesn’t want kids ever.
we’ve been together 3 years now, we plan to live together once my teenage son has gone to uni. We spend weekends together and go away a fair bit.
Mine doesn’t have a fetish as far as I know, his ex was younger than him, although it does sound like yours has a thing for older, don’t know if that’s necessarily a bad thing it’s up to you how you feel about it.
we just get on well.
Go for it if it feels right.

The messages show immaturity, social ineptitude, prurience and lack of respect for boundaries. So no, I wouldn't recommend dating this man.

If you want a casual relationship and someone of a similar age appears again then I think it would be fine as long as you both agree what you want, and you keep some barriers up emotionally since there is a chance that a mid 30s man may decide he wants a family after all, or someone with fewer commitments and break things off. People don't always break things off in the most considerate ways so I wouldn't leave myself vulnerable. No harm in having some company and a nice time but you're not at the same life stage so keep your feelings in check. If it becomes a full blown romantic relationship then great but if it's more casual then keep that at the back of your mind.

If your life stages/aspirations match then age doesn't matter. It's only really when one of you wants to do things the other doesn't e.g. have kids, buy a place together, get married, that problems arise.

@PrettyMaybug

I would wonder WHY a fit and handsome 37 y.o man (as you describe him) is interested in a physically unappealing flabby almost 50 y.o. woman (as you describe yourself!) I must admit. I would wonder if it was a fetish/on his bucket list or something.

@Frobisherslament

Er, could it be possibly because people are interested in one another’s characters as well as their bodies?

LOL 😆 Yeah right! That may be true for the almost 50 y.o. OP, but not the fit, younger, 37 y.o. man!

Maybe this is a younger man who meets nothing but vacuous insta obsessed younger women and wants something more meaningful and less shallow.

🙄

Yes, women divide into vacuous, insta obsessed younger ones, and non shallow, SM free, deep intelligent older ones.

Eeew, changed my mind after that dripfeed re unsolicited photos! Block😉

*He s extremely sexual and was inappropriate sending me photos and asking me what I thought, until I put a Stop to that. I have no issue with se ring etc
In a relationship albeit a casual one, but I felt it was cheeky when uninvited.

Asked me to send him One, told him it would ever be happening and to jog on if he felt that we would ever be going down that road .
I think , Like me, he is after female company and sex but I still don't know how I feel about it all ...*

If younger men go for significantly older women (I mean this isn't way way older but it is over a decade) unfortunately I find it's usually just a milf thing, a sexual experience (and not necessarily a one off). It's entirely sexual and if you were ok with entirely sexual, that's fine. If you weren't, it's obviously not,you'd find it objectifying, vulgar, full on, crass etc.

He is clearly showing you it's a sexual, hook up scenario he's seeking - with intimate photo exchanges and sexting expected before you even meet up.

It sounds like this is too full on and one dimensional for you. In fact the very fact you made a thread asking for opinions on the age difference shows it's not for you; because you wouldn't have been one bit worried or thinking about it if you had the same agenda as him; use each other for sex as long as you feel like it. You'd just shrug your shoulders and take the opportunity. It would be like eating chocolate and discarding the the wrapper.

And while lots of posters will always post examples of women they know in lasting relationships with you get men, I've got to say I find it the minimum.

I frequent a male dominated forum where men expect/assume little to no female presence and what many of them will say on there is unpleasantly enlightening. There are few creatures more ageist than men, and within in that few more ageist than 20 and 30 something men. They joke crassly about their reasons for having sex with older women "any hole is a goal", "can go condomless without worrying a it being caught with a pregnancy", "they keep a nice house and look after you well, cooking etc.", "they're grateful, unlike "arrogant, flaky, entitled" younger women who think they have the world at their feet", "they're more reliable", "theyll do anything sexually", "they treat you to nice stuff cause they often have more money" etc etc.

He's after hookups with a "milf".

If you're not after hookups with a younger man who's into sexting and exchanges photos and videos of genitals & sex acts etc.; he's not worth considering any further.

Just to add, they also think a milf with grown up or almost grown up kids is ideal because a woman without kids of child bearing age (they believe) will always want kids and be searching for a relationship to settle in and have a family, which they don't want yet or at all.

And a younger divorced or separated woman with kids, in their view, is looking for a step father for them; and they don't want kids of their own yet, let alone taking on other people's kids. And they are generally opposed in principle to contributing funds, energy etc to another man's kids, and she might get pregnant if they ever have sex without a condom ... Because she's still of childbearing age, might want more kids, and in their view may even want to do that to tie him into the relationship/blended family.

That's why they think "milfs" with grown up (more or less) kids are ideal. Their kids are also very unlikely to be demanding, time consuming and causing inflexibility and unavailability on the woman's part.

I had a relationship with a 12 year older guy, he had kids from previous relationship. Noone even bat an eye , so see no reason why should this be different with a woman being older.
Just enjoy yourself op, it's not that he's illegal 😅

I don't think people are reading all of OP's posts!

You said you're leaning more towards not meeting him. If that's because he just gives you a bad feeling, or you've got the ick because he sent you unsolicited photos, fair enough. If it's only because you're concerned about the age difference, I would say give him a chance.

Anyone who sent me unwanted dick pics and videos would be straight on the blocked list let alone thinking of inviting them to stay the night with you in a hotel. You don’t know this guy so I’d stick to a few public only meetings if you do decide to meet him. Yes I’d be wary, I signed up to OLD recently (lasted a couple of days and have paused for now) and had a lot of interest from younger men. I’m 46 and had likes / messages from men in their early and mid 20’s! Younger than my eldest son, and yes I realised there is a MILF thing going on with some men so be cautious. Find an older man with children if you’re looking for something more than a one nighter

Regardless of who he is, casual or serious unsolicited videos or photos are a big NO from me, I would block him straight away

@SaulSobieski Yep Men my own age had pretty much the same attitude when i was younger. Thats why i started dating older men. I would never date or sleep with a younger man EVER

My partners have been 22 years older than me. 23 years older and 17 years older.

I would be wary of a much younger man who is attracted to you because of your age rather than despite it. Men who deliberately seek older women usually either have a certain stereotype or other in mind, and if that's not you then you may not enjoy the dynamic of the relationship. Or alternatively, may have very poor attitudes to women of their own age.
If I were you, before going any further I'd ask him why he prefers older women. His answers could be very helpful to hear.

Oh and im child free by choice. Have been since i was 21.

I’m ten years older than my DP, never had any issues :)

No no no no no!!!!!!!!! Bleeeeuuuuurrrrggghhhhhh

Oh dear op. He does not sound like a prince!

He is just looking to get his rocks off....

Hilarious 😂
Have just read that out to my dh (I'm 52, he's 39)
His response?
Erm ok or maybe I just fell in love with you and didn't care about your age

I think you are massively overthinking this. He's a guy looking for fun. It seems quite possible that your version of casual may not be his, but that won't be about the age gap. Yes some men like women who are older than them. I like men with big hands. It's not a fetish, it's a preference.

Are you attracted to him? Would you like to have sex with him? Would you actually like to have a conversation with him, or whatever level of interaction you want? These are the questions to think about.

Tbh the sweetest casual hookup I ever had was with a lovely guy 22 years my junior. The one 14 years my junior nearly became a relationship. There were a few others. It's not really an issue.

Listen to yourselves! A fetish or a bucket list shag?! Give over - she’s only 12 years older. If this was an older male dating a younger female nobody would bat an eyelid. He knows that at your age there will be no more children and if that’s fine with him and you only want something casual anyway then great.

The photo thing is a completely different story. Run for the hills.