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Original poster

Me .. 49, him 37... A I mad to consider this?

112 replies

branflakefloat · 26/04/2023 11:14

I met a man online. I am nearly 50 , divorced, teens at home who are relatively independent.
He is 37, single , never married, no kids .
I am Independent also but work full time so am limited time wise.
I would love a casual relationship where we meet every now and again for dinner and drinks and overnights.

We are face timing a lot , texting a bit every day and chat on the phone .
We plan to meet next week for an early dinner.
I'm going to stay at the hotel as it was a gift and I fancy a night away on my own .

Firstly am I nuts to consider this with a man 23 years my
Junior and secondly if there were sparks would I be nuts to invite him to stay over with me?

He is very into this and is open and honest about it all. The only hang up I have is that I'm flabby and unfit and very average looking. He is the exact opposite. So I'm a bit Confused
I've the research done on him btw so he is exactly who he says he is .

OP posts:
Eggseggseverywhere · 26/04/2023 12:20

I was 41 and dh 31 when we met. Been married nearly 8 years with a dc now. Age never was /is an issue.
Now 51!!

Frobisherslament · 26/04/2023 12:22

PrettyMaybug · 26/04/2023 12:01

I would wonder WHY a fit and handsome 37 y.o man (as you describe him) is interested in a physically unappealing flabby almost 50 y.o. woman (as you describe yourself!) I must admit. I would wonder if it was a fetish/on his bucket list or something.

Er, could it be possibly because people are interested on one another’s characters as well as their bodies?

PansyPolly · 26/04/2023 12:34

I’m a similar age and have dated that much younger and that much older. It’s all fine. Have fun!

Mossstitch · 26/04/2023 12:38

I'd say go for it with eyes wide open! When we are young we often go for older men (I know this is a generalsation) as men the same age seems immature but frequently they seem to get old faster than women. I see it with my own ex (married 30 years) and friends who are still together and thoroughly bored with men who are happy to stay home and do very little. Apologies if that offends anybody😜

Summerhillsquare · 26/04/2023 12:39

My ex and I had a similar age gap. A couple of tips :
Don't put him on a pedestal, have normal expectations of him
Don't downvalue yourself, he's interested for good reasons
Be clear about those expectations!

CAJIE · 26/04/2023 12:41

How offensive? Why shoukdnt he? It might get serious.It might not.Not all men want kids.Why is mumsnet so incredibltly 1950s and old fashioned despite the trans views

Original poster
branflakefloat · 26/04/2023 12:48

He said he finds women older than him
Much more interesting. Thinks I'm
Hot which is ridiculous as I'm absolutely not .
He was in a seven year relationship with a woman his own age.

That's over a few years and he has dated a woman of 51 for a few months but distance and her own divorce ended that dating. He s extremely sexual and was inappropriate sending me photos and asking me what I thought, until I put a Stop to that. I have no issue with se ring etc
In a relationship albeit a casual one, but I felt it was cheeky when uninvited.

Asked me to send him One, told him it would ever be happening and to jog on if he felt that we would ever be going down that road .
I think , Like me, he is after female company and sex but I still don't know how I feel about it all ...

OP posts:
hattie43 · 26/04/2023 12:53

Forget the age he sounds horrible sending unsolicited photos and expecting the same in return . It's dangerous to send photos to others now . Find someone respectful no matter the age .

dramalynn · 26/04/2023 12:57

I wouldn't like the unsolicited photos either.

BellePeppa · 26/04/2023 12:59

branflakefloat · 26/04/2023 11:42

He has told me that he is more attracted to older ladies.. in every way ...
Is that an actual fetish?
I thought it was just a preference ?
Genuine question , thanks .

Harry Styles seems to like them older 🤷‍♀️ my female relative is 13 years older than her husband and they’re happy.

BellePeppa · 26/04/2023 13:00

BellePeppa · 26/04/2023 12:59

Harry Styles seems to like them older 🤷‍♀️ my female relative is 13 years older than her husband and they’re happy.

Show quote history

Ooh the photos, no, yuck. Missed that bit.

Dartmoorcheffy · 26/04/2023 13:04

My dp.is 13 years younger than me, and we've been together over 10 years now. Luckily he has more respect for me than to send dick pics to me. The age gap is not a problem but the sending of unasked for photos would be for me.

Mabelface · 26/04/2023 13:05

If it wasn't for the unsolicited photos, I'd have said go for it. I prefer younger men and my last bf was 10 years younger. The reasons we split were nothing to do with age. However, he sounds a bit gross. He'll get his shag and fuck off. You can do better.

Alcemeg · 26/04/2023 13:06

Agree it all sounded fine until you mentioned the photos!

Oblomov23 · 26/04/2023 13:06

12 years is quite a lot, considering your life differences. You've been married and had kids, and divorced. He's had none of that. Are you seriously on the same page? Enough for a long term relationship?

DriedFlowersLiveForever · 26/04/2023 13:10

He's after a bucket list shag, so he can tell his mates he's been with and older woman. The photos would have been the proof.

dlingalingalong · 26/04/2023 13:12

I was gonna say go for it but the picture thing has put me right off -

VirginiaQ · 26/04/2023 13:13

Alcemeg · 26/04/2023 13:06

Agree it all sounded fine until you mentioned the photos!

Agree with this. When I was early 50's I was approached on a dating site by a good looking 33 year old. He tried to persuade me he didn't have a 'Grannie fetish' ( my term although I'm not a Grannie). However was v keen to meet up and wanted to send me a photo of his appendage. I declined. He continued to try and sell it to me telling me it was 9 and 3/4 inches long (poss a HP fan 😂😂😂). I declined again.

Unfortunately for him I found him on FB and it turned out he'd got married 3 weeks previously and had only just returned from honeymoon. Even more unfortunate turned out we had a mutual friend. She confirmed he was a total perv and would try it on with anything that moved.

Original poster
branflakefloat · 26/04/2023 13:14

My gut is telling me to move away from meeting
Him Tbh .

OP posts:
EmmaEmerald · 26/04/2023 13:15

Oh I'm fine with the age difference
but the photo thing, eww. That would put me off completely.

Alcemeg · 26/04/2023 13:18

The thing is, my own husband is much younger than me (a bigger gap than you describe) and we've been extremely happy together for over a decade now. But that's because he's looking for a soul/mind that matches his, not a sex object. There are such men around, and they often prefer the "wisdom" (ha! - hardly applies to me, but still) of an older woman. However, this one doesn't sound like that kind of person. Unsolicited sleazy photos, ugh!

user1477391263 · 26/04/2023 13:22

Too big an age gap. I'd worry he would start looking at younger women and/or change his mind on kids.

middleager · 26/04/2023 13:27

The photos would be a red flag for me. Sorry, but no way.

PizzaPastaWine · 26/04/2023 13:28

Based upon what you've said OP this guy is after sex. If that's what you want, it's safe sex and you can reconcile the fact he sent you those photos then go ahead.

For me it would be a complete no. The photos are the biggest turn-off.

AbsoIutelyLovely · 26/04/2023 13:31

He sounds like a proper sleaze. Don’t let your head be turned by this fool.