Tell me about laughable behaviour from your ex

[Phalangee]

Just reminiscing of the things that thankfully did not work out in the past!

I had an ex who was overall a nice lad but a bit of head in the clouds type.

Early 20s when we met. HE brought up marriage / engagement all the time and we agreed we’d move in together after getting engaged. We honestly talked to death wedding plans, rings etc and it was largely from him.

He had a friend I didn’t like who talked in his ear and he did a U turn on me saying he wanted to move in together before getting engaged to ‘test living together’. I didn’t like this at all as why tell someone you want to marry them VOLUNTARILY but then essentially suddenly say you want to ‘test’ if the relationship will work long term 🤔. It was a big red flag for me that he’d go back on something big like that and I certainly didn’t want to move in together with someone who would do that. What it he did a u turn on wanting kids? (Spoiler - he told me after we broke up that he didn’t and was only doing it for me 😂)

I don’t agree with my young self about waiting to live together before engagement but in retrospect I’m very proud of myself for going with my gut and common sense. His parents thought I was the devil for not moving in with him too. 🤔. From his parents house. 👀

I’m soon to be married and we live together and didn’t talk to death engagement or marriage (proposal was a complete shock) which proves to me talk is cheap and just watch what your partner actually does.

Please share the great escapes you have. Particular those where everyone thought you were mad for having standards and not giving into your ex’s silly behaviour 🤣

My ex told me I'd never get breakfast in bed as he did it for his ex once and she'd complained he'd woke her up. I hadn't even mentioned breakfast in bed once.

ExH, then husband of 18 years (mid 40s): "haven't you noticed that I don't wake with a HO nowadays? It's your fault, you do nothing for me."
He said that he'd never loved me but that the sex had been great. My reply, glad you though so 😂
A few months later he wanted us to reunite. I politely declined.
My DH has never said anything mean to me.

Oh,just remembered the ex that was a alcoholic

He was a beat beat on the dole,on methadone,drank a full bottle of vodka a night and was abusive

I had a job (not well paid but a job) was a single parent,rarely drank and have never touched drugs (apart from one puff on a joint as a teenager)

We broke up (can't think why) after he hit me once too often

As the police where dragging him away he turned and screamed at me 'I ONLY FUCKING HIT YOU BECAUSE YOUR TOO FUCKING INDEPENDENT!'

I'm stood there,blood gushing out of my nose,a black eye starting to form and was shaking-he hit the roof when I laughed at his statement

I wish I was joking when it turned out he'd gone to court the following week and been fined £80

He got his mummy to phone me a few hours after he got out to demand I pay it off for him as 'he's going to struggle to pay it on his benefits'!

I didn't and I've never seen him again

Was outraged when I refused to pay him back the rent money he'd been paying me as his contribution to our living costs when he lived with me. It was my mortgage (and he paid me less than half as 'rent' whilst he lived with me). He felt sure he should be paid it back as it had gone towards paying off my mortgage and I would benefit from it long term. Well yes. It was my mortgage that predated him and had nothing to do with him at all.

He Had no answer when I, and eventually a solicitor as that's how far he took it, pointed out that he would have had to pay rent wherever he lived for those 2 years and it would have been a tad more than the £400 a month he was paying me, all in, to live in a 3 bed house in a very desirable Home Counties village.

Weirdly he shut up after that and I never heard from him again.

Ex was verbally abusive after I broke it off with him and blocked his number, particularly after a drink or… whatever else. We’d booked a holiday together before breaking up and had split the deposit but all the confirmation emails and references were in my name. He eventually apologised and negotiated with me that if he paid me my share, I would send him all the details and effectively transfer it over to him and whoever he wanted to take.

So, he sent the money and I sent the email over but he immediately replied with a series of expletives telling me now he had all he needed, he was free to tell me I was worthless and a cow, and all kinds of really nasty things, in a long, rambling, tirade of abuse.

His email was swiftly followed up with a sheepish ‘Erm, I seem to have deleted your confirmation email. Please could you resend?’

HAHAHAHA NO

@Silkrose.

Omg what a tool!

"Tried to get me to pay maintenance, for the child he had with the OW."

OMG! How did he try to justify that?!

There's a poster on here whose ex is still, 10 years later, chasing her for money he claims she owes him. Including her "share" of petrol during trips they took as a family while still together and "storage" costs for their joint DC's stuff that was at his house after they split up.

MIND BLOWING.

I don't have one of my own. But DH and I have enjoyed giggling at some of exBIL's ridiculous statements. Our personal favourite was when he said to her incredulously as she was heading off to work while he was NOT working and therefore supposed to be looking after the DC, "So you expect ME to look after the children just so that you can work?!"

How we laughed.

Unlike some of im amicably split from my ex. I knew I did all the heavy lifting when raising our family, eg looked after finances,paperwork, sen stuff whereas he brought home most of the money, never argued about money etc. however I didn't really just how much he didn't know ... after we split he asked how you get gas and electric because he couldn't find the address of the shop! (It's not the 1980's!) I've also helped him sort out buying a place of his own after we sold the family home because he's simply hopeless. He has apologised for being a useless husband and not understanding just how much effort it takes to run a house with children (both sen). Please have a laugh at his expense

Bastard. I hope you managed to improvise a bath plug using his car keys and wallet.

I need you to explain more.

Why didn't he turn the lights on? Had he never been into a supermarket? Did he not know about pre-made sandwiches?

How?

I had split with an ex, and moved back home to my parents. One evening the doorbell went and it was X with flowers pleading for me to go back to him, saying he loved me etc etc. I just kept saying no.
His final sentence before I shut the door was 'Well if you don't come back, who will look after me and cook my tea etc?' I said 'If you don't know that now, you never will' and shut the door.

When I was married to my ex, he was amazed that my friends husband was going to pick up their toddler from nursery after work every day, and go home and cook dinner - whilst his wife was still at work. 'That will never work' he said - until I pointed out it was exactly what I did every single day (he also worked away/overnight frequently so good job I did). He was so bone idle.

He also removed the steps from the loft hatch once, leaving me dangling there because he was pissed off with me. I nearly jumped and broke my legs as I was so mad at him!!

Once we split up he also returned our DS to me one day early one weekend because he was misbehaving and he couldn't deal with him.

Absolute dickhead. Why did I put up with him so long?!

Long time ago.

We'd been married for 4 years and they'd mostly not been happy years.

I'd been out dancing on the evening the Gulf War began. When I got home he was seething with rage and pointing to the news on the TV. 'Don't you realise what's going on?' he screamed.

If only I hadn't gone out that evening history could have been so different.

Tosser.

Sheer brilliance! 🤣

So many but this one was ridiculous - he was already an ex, and had our ds for the weekend, I went out with my friend for drinks and ended up in local club. Bumped into ex, who preceded to shout out me for being out when I have a child, I was embarrassing, a prostitute, s**t, etc.... When I calmly told him he was the one who was supposed to be looking after our son not me, he barged past me sending me flying and got himself thrown out for it.

So many to mention but the this one was an absolute clanger!

Ex walked out on me and our 2 children just before Xmas. Unbeknownst to me, he was planning to move in with OW who is significantly younger.

I had always done the leg work in our relationship. At this point I wanted to remain amicable but didn't know he had been having an affair.

He was asking my opinion on a flag he had found. It had no gas and the hot water was heated via electricity. He asked me if it was expensive, I said yes (chuckling to myself) and you should have a shower between 12:30am and 04:30. So they did exactly that! They used to argue over whether they could afford to shower and would only allow it in the middle of the night! If it went past 04:30 he would drive to his mums for a shower!

He also asked, 'if when I buy a tv and apply for a TV licence, do I need to pay more for a bigger tv? Is it dependent on size?'

Aghast I just looked at him and said yes, yes it is.

I should add he was 6 weeks off 40 years old at this point

Surely not 😂😂😂 what an

@cleanbreak2022 this is too good 🤣 sooo many opportunities to mess with him

Mine suffered from crippling anxiety and depression, brought on by how much of an evil bitch I was apparently.

No mate, he's the stress from trying to keep up with the various women you are inexplicably shagging and all your messaging to girls about 15 years your junior 🤢 the prick was even signed off work several times which gave him more chance to shag about

@PaintedEgg the genius of it was, younger woman thought she had bagged herself an older man who had it all sorted.
She would be sitting pretty when the house was sold (er no, I paid for everything).

She assumed given his ripe age of 40 he had done this thing called life and she would be sorted.

In reality she bagged herself a skint man child

They are still together, he lives with his mum and not sure where she is.

He also couldn't grasp percentages. Wouldn't work overtime because 'there's no point, the tax man takes ALL of it' er no, roughly 24% will be deducted. No doubt will not work over time because now Ex will take ALL OF IT!

Still no

Notable mention to DP's ex who often makes a show of herself calling him at work screaming about how I am pregnant and we haven't told her and it's her right to know as it affects her child as well etc etc. this has happened 5-6 times now

I'm not pregnant, never have been.

Might go on a diet though

Shortly after discovering my now ex was cheating, I decided to move out for a few days to think things over before making a decision. He rang me to chat and suggested that maybe I was over reacting a bit because it was my 'time of the month'.

Yeah, that was definitely it. 🙄

Stole/binned all of my 'bedside drawer' items (iykwim) when I left him 🤣 went back to collect all my stuff and he'd emptied the drawer 🤣🤣 obv didn't want me having any fun without him!

Oh the poor pet @gogohmm Mine used to exclaim loudly all the time that he 'did everything around here'. Then he moved out and turned out he didn't know how to do... anything. The kids were like 'poor dad it's really hard for him he has to do all the shopping and cleaning'.

Ex when we were going through separation and trying to agree on house value etc 'well if we hadn't got married and bought a house we wouldn't have to discuss this'. Yes, yet here we are.

Also used to send the kids home naked from his as he didn't want me to steal the clothes from his place (hand me downs from his sister).