Tell me about laughable behaviour from your ex

[Phalangee]

Just reminiscing of the things that thankfully did not work out in the past!

I had an ex who was overall a nice lad but a bit of head in the clouds type.

Early 20s when we met. HE brought up marriage / engagement all the time and we agreed we’d move in together after getting engaged. We honestly talked to death wedding plans, rings etc and it was largely from him.

He had a friend I didn’t like who talked in his ear and he did a U turn on me saying he wanted to move in together before getting engaged to ‘test living together’. I didn’t like this at all as why tell someone you want to marry them VOLUNTARILY but then essentially suddenly say you want to ‘test’ if the relationship will work long term 🤔. It was a big red flag for me that he’d go back on something big like that and I certainly didn’t want to move in together with someone who would do that. What it he did a u turn on wanting kids? (Spoiler - he told me after we broke up that he didn’t and was only doing it for me 😂)

I don’t agree with my young self about waiting to live together before engagement but in retrospect I’m very proud of myself for going with my gut and common sense. His parents thought I was the devil for not moving in with him too. 🤔. From his parents house. 👀

I’m soon to be married and we live together and didn’t talk to death engagement or marriage (proposal was a complete shock) which proves to me talk is cheap and just watch what your partner actually does.

Please share the great escapes you have. Particular those where everyone thought you were mad for having standards and not giving into your ex’s silly behaviour 🤣

For the last few years of our marriage, XH developed a significant neurological condition needing lots of appointments of a 4 hour round trip. Some days the pain was so bad all he could do was take the drugs and dribble in bed.

After we split, this condition improved and finally disappeared. XH said it was the stress of living with me that caused it and being free from me meant he was free from physical pain as well as mental torture.

No love, it wasn't the stress of living with me that caused it. It was the stress of hiding your addiction and your many affairs from your children and i over a 10 year period.

XH also got tattoos after 20 years of telling me he hates them. And got a really grim leather jacket 20 years too young for him. It says a lot when DD13 tells you she thinks her dad is having a mid life crisis.

Ex told all his friends and colleagues that we were planning to get married in his favourite holiday resort (very much a party resort and somewhere he went on regular 'lads' holidays to) on his birthday the following year. Apparently the plan was for him and his friends to go for a week as the stag party then for me to follow with his family and his friends' girlfriends for the wedding and honeymoon. He must have known that I'd find out that he was saying this as he knew I saw some of these people regularly. When I asked him what was going on he told me that he was planning to 'tell' (definitely not 'ask') me once he was sure I would say yes. I didn't leave as quickly as I should have done, but I definitely spotted the red flag. The worst thing is that I suspect if I had reacted more positively he might actually have tried to get us to go ahead with his plan.

Omg haha. What a dick!

Took me to court because I said he couldn't have kids on his own as he was unsafe. Big back story to it. Ultimately he won. I was terrified for my kids he's short tempered and would be unsafe with a crying baby. He proceeded to palm them off on him mum or new gf he never had them alone as too much effort to parent. Thousands of pounds wasted on his ego I would have agreed contact if I knew his mum would always be there helping him. Fucking idiot

He was already an ex by this point but his comment did make me laugh.

I was preparing the house to get it on the market and ex was doing absolutely nothing to help. I had a streaming cold but was still scrubbing toilets, mopping floors, decluttering, getting the house photo-ready.

The one thing I asked him to do was make his bed (we were in separate rooms). Half an hour before the photographer was due to arrive I asked him if he had made his bed, he said "No, I'm not very good at it. Can you do it for me?"

I rolled my eyes and said "yes of course, I'll make your bed on top of everything else while at the same time being full of the cold, don't you worry about me". He looked shocked and offended and blurted out "well, just don't be ill then!"

Gosh, why did I not think of that? It would have made me life so much easier if I had just switched my cold off.

If anyone is wondering, no he did not make the bed and we had to take the photos as it was.

I'll keep it light :)

my ex was a piece of s*, but one thing was laughable (although it still makes me cringe when I think about it). He was prone to toddler-like tantrums (feet stomping included) and he would wheeze and squeak.

and here is the funniest thing - I suspect the reason why he did is was because he would often "copy" health issues of other people - and I have asthma! He was literally trying to mimic the laboured, wheezing breathing of someone having an asthma attack

@Aquarelles you're a better person than I am...I'd rip his head off if I've heard that

My gut reaction was to just laugh. His comment had just cemented to me that I was doing the right thing in leaving him and selling up, because he obviously did not give two shits about me.

Even he realised the ridiculousness of what he said. He looked very sheepish when I laughed at him

I had a compulsive liar ex boyfriend at uni who dropped out due to MH problems and restarted 2 years below me after we split up.

Told everyone in that year that he was older as had been travelling in S America where he was shot in the back by cocaine dealers 4 years before and nearly died.

Needless to say I never heard this story and he had no scars.

To listen to him he had a very difficult life, but if you checked any of what he said it was bollocks.

Put me right off drama llamas

My ex would sit in the dark with his coat on until I came home and put the lights and heating on :)

He was a very bright, articulate guy but quite stupid too.

I bought him a marks and spencer sandwich once and he nearly wept at it's deliciousness. I told him I have one of those most days, he was bewildered by this incredible concept. He didn't know that he too could walk into any marks and spencers and choose a delicious sandwich.

My exh is gay. He's denied it his whole life. Been married twice to women. Both marriages ended because we had caught him with men. But to protect himself he's made up crazy lies about us. So if we did tell people that he's gay he could deny it and say it's because I've outed them as being violent, emotionally abusive cheaters. He actually puts on this very camp David Williams type persona but insists it's a joke. Very strange.

Feel a bit sorry for him really. Comes from a very religious family and his siblings are very homophobic. He must be very miserable in his life but he didn't need to trample all over us to save himself. I'd never have said anything.

The laughable thing is everyone already knows and it's not from his exes. But yeah he still to this day has pretend relationships with women

He also expressed surprise that packs of chicken breasts come in threes, when breasts come in pairs.

I don't know if he thought chickens wear bras or what, nothing would shock me.

When I was young and gullible, first serious relationship with a 30yo man..

He decided he only wanted to see me on weekends and Tueadays. We always did his house as I still lived at home and I drove an hour to his.

He earned 10 times my meagre salary.

Anyway, he then broke up with me as he was fed up with the repetitive nature of me always being there on the same days........the days he insisted on.

We split up 3 times, the last time when I went to bed and he didn't. I went downstairs to find him, only to find him snagging another woman!

Shortly after I met my husband and got an amazing job, own house etc he rang me and begged to get me back. I laughed and ended the call.

I was with my ex for 3 years. Living together. We broke up...sort of amicably but then we had a row a few weeks later and he told me how we ended as I was trying to trap him. All I wanted was to try and saddle him with kids. He wanted to spend time single and enjoy his 20s and not be serfled down ect. I never spoke to him again.

If I had of wanted to trap him I could have stopped taking contraception. I did want to settle down but to explore together ect.

9 months later I saw he had been tagged in pictures of a newborn that he had with a woman he had got with the moment we broke up. They were on and off for years. 3 kids. It did make me laugh. Didn't enjoy his 20s quite as much as I did!

*shagging not snagging 🤣

Left me for the "love of his life". 2 small girls, one still in nappies. OW had 2 girls, complained to me a week after leaving he hated them. Also OW was "not like me". Awh boo hoo, when I didn't entertain him coming back, he then proceeded to list all "my faults". What a twat. He eventually split from love of his life after getting caught on dating sites. He's now remarried to a wee mousey character who hangs on his every word. The poor sucker doesn't realise he only "chose" her because she had a house he could move into.

Anyway, he then broke up with me as he was fed up with the repetitive nature of me always being there on the same days........the days he insisted on.

It's astounding how often they blame us for their choices.

During one of his visits back to pick up more of his shit, my ex decided we had to sit at the table for a formal discussion. I can't remember any of what he said because it was overshadowed by him leaning back in his chair, putting the back of his hand to his forehead (I shit you not) and dramatically claiming "It would have been better for everyone if I'd just DIED". Well, yes.

My ex had a emotional affair. Was quite selfish etc generally. Manipulative behaviour. After we separated we had a heated discussion. Where he brought up the separation “as what you wanted” yes mate I wanted you to constantly message other women and behave like a dhead! 🙄

My ex didn’t share food. ‘If you wanted some you should have ordered it’. That was it, leave, get out, goodbye, don’t hang onto my number, farewell.

I love this 😀 the poor sod.

Asks me for money when he refuses to pay child maintenance and when I asked for maintenance told me he didn’t know I had children to “get paid” yet asks me for money?

cancelled contact because it was raining

One of many. But taking me to the family courts. Then telling the judge that he would only be having the children when he wasn't at university.(which made it very very inconsistent) When asked he couldn't tell the judge which university it was!? Everyone sat there gobsmacked! It didn't go down well.

Ex got very annoyed that while stopping with him I had plugged my mobile in without asking and was using his electric. Pointed out that it was probably 2p worth of electricity. That didn’t matter - it was the principle. He was such a tight arse and conveniently overlooked all the lifts I gave him as he didn’t have a car.

Mine didn’t pay a penny maintenance, despite being minted, and never made any attempt to have contact.
I didn’t chase it, because life was a lot better without him in it. He'd done things like take toddler DS1 off in his tiny sports car, without even a seatbelt, let alone a seat, let him try cigarettes, alcohol, etc. Just a fool.
When a now adult DS decided he'd like to have a look at him, exH said something about he'd now reinstate him in the will, now he's seen he turned out all right.
To this day, he's never let DS visit his home.

Split with exH after finding out he had been having an affair, leading a double life with a much younger woman who he worked with.
I kept the split amicable as he had been abusive, emotionally manipulative for years and this was my get out of jail free card.
Anyway, he had moved out and got himself a flat, took half the furniture, all ok apart from he wanted the tv in the living room. I said he couldn’t take it as my mum had bought it. Not a fancy one or anything, just a tv.
He went to the local curry’s the next day to buy a new one but failed the credit check to get it on finance so proceeded to call me at work on the work landline screaming down the phone at me while he was still in curry’s that I had sabotaged his credit rating because I didn’t want him to have a tv 🤣 he then demanded that I call up curry’s and reverse whatever hocus pocus I had done to his credit rating. Most upset he wouldn’t be able to play his PlayStation that night. My boss wanted to call the police as he was behaving so unhinged.
Turns out he failed his credit check cos he had not been paying his credit card bill after taking ow to swanky hotels etc 🙄
What a tool.