Tell me about laughable behaviour from your ex

[Phalangee]

Just reminiscing of the things that thankfully did not work out in the past!

I had an ex who was overall a nice lad but a bit of head in the clouds type.

Early 20s when we met. HE brought up marriage / engagement all the time and we agreed we’d move in together after getting engaged. We honestly talked to death wedding plans, rings etc and it was largely from him.

He had a friend I didn’t like who talked in his ear and he did a U turn on me saying he wanted to move in together before getting engaged to ‘test living together’. I didn’t like this at all as why tell someone you want to marry them VOLUNTARILY but then essentially suddenly say you want to ‘test’ if the relationship will work long term 🤔. It was a big red flag for me that he’d go back on something big like that and I certainly didn’t want to move in together with someone who would do that. What it he did a u turn on wanting kids? (Spoiler - he told me after we broke up that he didn’t and was only doing it for me 😂)

I don’t agree with my young self about waiting to live together before engagement but in retrospect I’m very proud of myself for going with my gut and common sense. His parents thought I was the devil for not moving in with him too. 🤔. From his parents house. 👀

I’m soon to be married and we live together and didn’t talk to death engagement or marriage (proposal was a complete shock) which proves to me talk is cheap and just watch what your partner actually does.

Please share the great escapes you have. Particular those where everyone thought you were mad for having standards and not giving into your ex’s silly behaviour 🤣

@Farmersweeklyreader I will never understand people like this. Do they really believe the stuff they say? 🤣

While on a visit to Australia, we were getting ready in the bedroom of the light and airy apartment his work had rented us. He very genuinely said to me "I've just realised, the reason you look so fat back home is because the rooms are smaller. You look a bit slimmer here."

Not that it would be ok at any size, but I was a perfectly normal size 12, although I felt a lot larger...no clues as to why.

I've got a funny one. I thought my exh was really good at remembering my birthday, our wedding anniversary, anniversary of our engagement, Mother's Day, Valentines Day etc. After we sit up and I divorced him for cheating on me the flowers still arrived on special occasions. I thought this was a bit odd as he was barely speaking to me. Turns out he had a standing order with our local florist and had forgotten to cancel the order. I gave flowers to my next door neighbour who was very good support to me through divorce. Exh did not realise until over a year after divorce because payments were just taken automatically. He was furious when he finally realised and asked why I did not tell him sooner. I told him 'I forgot' which is what he'd have done without florist doing all his remembering for him. Idiot.

Being upset that I named the OW, I was divorcing him on grounds of adultery, he had got her pregnant.

Tried to get me to pay maintenance, for the child he had with the OW.

Lots of letters from his solicitor to mine included the phrase, "My client has instructed me to inform..." my solicitor said that what they put when it is something they think isn't relevant / helpful but the client has insisted it is included.

The daftest thing my ex ever said was aren’t you bringing the paddling pool inside as it’s going to rain doh!

My ex told me one day that he'd been discussing me with his mother. Basically I wasn't cutting the mustard in the wife department and they'd come up with a list between them of "improvements" - this involved being more prompt with dinner cooking and taking up home based hobbies such as crochet rather going out with my friends etc. I was 23. I asked what would happen if I didn't agree. He said I'd have to leave then. His little face when I went straight upstairs to pack. 😁

I'm on his side, hate people trying to pick at my food and if they get pissy about it they're welcome to fuck off!

Oooo, how long you got? I could post all day.

Refused to let me take DD when I left him, declaring he was going for full custody (this is a long time ago when custody and legal aid were a thing). A week later he wanted to go out so asked me to “babysit” I refused because I knew exactly how this would play out. Sure enough an hour later he dumped her and her belongings on my doorstep and went out anyway, didn’t bother to check I was in. She was three. Then still got a solicitor and went to court to try and gain full custody

Said he was going to sue me for adultery because I’d gone on a date with a bloke six months after we split. When I pointed out we were never married he insisted the fact we had been engaged meant he could sue me for every penny I had. And off he went to his long suffering solicitor. Would have loved to be a fly on the wall.

My personal favourite, insisted I had to pay him child maintenance. DD lived with me and he hardly ever saw her, but apparently the richer parent always has to give money to the poorer one, regardless. His solicitor must have dumped him by then, because when I refused he threatened to throw himself off the motorway bridge. I offered him a lift up there!

@sashh that's a professional way of saying "it's dumb thing to say and Im only saying this because they pay me" 🤣

I'm still paying thee life insurance for my ex. You never know....

And yes, things would have been better over the last 15 years if he had died, rather than the shit he has put us all through.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I didn’t laugh at the time but I should have.

Many years ago we were having an argument and my husband said ‘I’m a good husband, I don’t womanise, I don’t cheat, I don’t drink and I don’t beat you”

He did drink, so I guess he meant he’s not an alcoholic.

I was shocked at how low he set the bar for himself.

One of the first rays of light after escaping abuse was realising the depths the abuser had sunk himself to try and destroy me.

I surprised myself when I first really thought about how frustrated he must have increasingly been as he watched me struggle but survive, time and time again.

I even laughed.

Like many women I have to deal with severe ongoing consequences of his abuse but luckily I can continue remembering his twisted face as he bitterly spat out

”You always find a bright side don’t you”

🤣🤣🤣 yep mate and despite everything,

I. Still. Do.

How soft are you by now? 😂
All the karmic best to you,
from C,
somewhere in the bush 😉

This actually makes me laugh now but I once had a boyfriend who would get hideously drunk. One time I was trying to get his shoes off him when he tried to pass out in bed so he put up his middle finger at me on his chest and went immediately to sleep like that, still flipping me off

Mine sent a long, rambling email to my solicitor, who was writing him letters prompting him to get on with filling in the forms for our divorce (instigated by me). The letter went on and on about how XH bet that I was seducing the solicitor, using sex to get him to write these letters, telling him sob stories to make him feel sorry for me and using my 'feminine wiles' to make solicitor write such nasty letters.

My (female) solicitor laughted heartily when she told me about this. I'd already warned her about his rampant sexism.

My ex was an abusive C* but the most hilarious thing happened on xmas day a few years back.
He spent the whole day being a total arsehole to me, i was in tears by the end of it. I had spent all day cooking a beautiful xmas dinner for us.. he insisted on washing up because apparently "i don't do things properly" (yet was perfectly happy to eat the delicious meal I had made)
During the course of washing up, he managed to slip over on, went arse over head carrying a plate of meat and potatoes, the whole fucking thing went all over him!! and gravy to boot - he was utterly furious, FULL OF RAGE... then when he tried to get up again, he slipped over AGAIN on a gravy puddle and bashed his head on the kitchen counter.... I had to try SOOOOOOOO very hard to stifle my laughter. Felt like an instant karma moment.
I'll never forget it.

One of the turning points for me was when, after I asked for his permission to take the kids on holiday (Spain, not a war zone) he told me that I'd see him in court before he'd allow it.

2 days later I submitted the paperwork, he didn't even turn up and the judge gave me more than I asked for. He said he couldn't believe levels some folk go to to try and get one over on an ex - denying a holiday was a particular bugbear.

In my twenties I had an ex who called me a “gold digger” which was actually hilarious as I had a good professional job and he was living in his mum’s basement and I had to send him his train fare so he could visit me. If I were a gold digger I was the worst one ever! Can’t think why we broke up?!

😂

Mine tried to use Buddhist philosophy to gaslight me into thinking I should be fine with him seeing multiple women.

Apparently happiness is never reduced by being shared. "The light of a candle can light a thousand candles and not be reduced".

In other words he could see multiple women and his 'love' for me would never be reduced.

What a twat!

I also heard similar to this (although some of it was a lie because he did cheat). Pretty low standards - luckily mine are higher!

Constantly demanding money from me to feed his addiction

Ripping pages out of my favourite books to use as loo roll because he was too 'broke' ( = cheap) to buy loo roll

Burning my childhood photo album, of which there were no copies or negatives, in a petty act of revenge

Many more but outing

Reader, I had a party the day I kicked him out

you should have said "but the wick get shorter and more useless" 🤣

😂This made me giggle, thank you.

This wasn't really an 'ex' but just someone I dated for a few months back in my 20s. He invited me to go to a wine tasting night with his brother (who I also knew) and bro's partner. I turned up and he arrived with another woman. There were other mutual friends there too so initially it didn't raise my hackles. Then about 20 minutes in, woman friend started going on about how lucky she was to meet him and how he first asked her out and I finally realised that he was there on a date with her!

I have no idea if he forgot he invited us both or thought somehow he could get away with it by playing it cool. I was just in such a state of absolute silent fury that I couldn't process what he was doing or what he might have been thinking at the time. I could have launched into him and caused a scene, but I just quietly inserted myself into the situation and tried to make him as uncomfortable as possible.

After wine tasting, they were going out for dinner and drinks and the brother was like, you're coming too, right?! Of course, I was. I sat there making polite conversation, the fifth wheel, with her all through dinner while necking glasses of wine and giving him the stare of death over his chow mein. I finally excused myself, paid for my drinks (I couldn't even bring myself to order any food), and off I went to meet up with some other friends. This loser rang me about an hour later after his 'date' had gone home for the evening asking if he could still come over to mine for the night like we'd planned. 😂Let's just say it was a no. It's funny now because it's such a ridiculous situation to have been in, but I was absolutely livid at the time as I really genuinely liked him and knew his family, etc.