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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Getting really irritated with my partners parents comments towards me.

127 replies

Differentneeds · 22/04/2023 17:20

We are at their house now and I’ve removed myself from the room as the baby is sleeping. To be honest they piss me off with their constant comments towards me.

The one they keep repeating is that I trapped their boy and got pregnant. They laugh after but I just don’t find this funny. Yes I’m 7 years older but he’s 33 for gods sake and not a baby. He knows just as much about the birds and the bees as I do.

I don’t think that they are saying this as a joke even through they laugh after it. I just have heard it 20 times this year so far. He chooses to be with me and I don’t think they approve and it’s getting on my nerves.

OP posts:
Tinkerbyebye · 22/04/2023 17:23

Why isn’t your partner shutting them down?

If he won’t, pack up and go home take no shit from anyone

Original poster
Differentneeds · 22/04/2023 17:24

He thinks they are joking because they are laughing but I really don’t find it funny.

OP posts:
MissMarplesbag · 22/04/2023 17:30

This is easy to fix, just say the same thing back to your mil. That she must have trapped your fil with a baby all those years ago. That should shut her up soon enough, the nasty idiot.

YouAreNotBatman · 22/04/2023 17:55

It’s a cliche, but you don’t have PIL problem, you have a partner problem.
He should shut this shit down and if they don’t stop, pack his family and leave.

OldEvilOwl · 22/04/2023 17:59

leave

orangegato · 22/04/2023 18:01

Give it back. You must have some ammo to get in some ‘jokes’. Make it a game, see how they like it. Or say yeah I trapped him as I was so desperate to be a member of this wonderful family.

Xrays · 22/04/2023 18:03

orangegato · 22/04/2023 18:01

Give it back. You must have some ammo to get in some ‘jokes’. Make it a game, see how they like it. Or say yeah I trapped him as I was so desperate to be a member of this wonderful family.

Yep that’s what I would do. (I had a similar situation with dhs parents - I’m 8 years older than him and already had a dd and was divorced when we met).

pictoosh · 22/04/2023 18:08

Yes that's boring. I'd be direct.
"Dh I am offended by your parents' insinuation that I have trapped you into our life together. They're not joking and it isn't funny. It makes me feel terrible. Either you shut that shit down or I will."

I wouldn't stick around to hear that. I'd gather my things and leave.

SmirnoffIceIsNice · 22/04/2023 18:15

Turn it around on them. Respond with "You constantly trot out this old 'joke' - that's not funny by the way - but by 33 years old your son should have been clued up enough about how babies are made to be able to prevent one. Did you not teach him about the birds and the bees?"

NeatCompactSleeper · 22/04/2023 18:28

You definitely need to speak up for yourself and make sure your DH backs you.

TiptoeThroughTheToadstools · 22/04/2023 18:29

MissMarplesbag · 22/04/2023 17:30

This is easy to fix, just say the same thing back to your mil. That she must have trapped your fil with a baby all those years ago. That should shut her up soon enough, the nasty idiot.

This! Oh MIL is that how you got FIL? Things have moved on a bit, you should too fake laugh

moonspiral · 22/04/2023 18:29

Ask them if they realise they've said that 20 times already?

RichardsGear · 22/04/2023 18:35

I wouldn't even bother trying to think of anything witty or cutting. Just look blankly at them then carry on doing something else, or leave a pause then talk about something completely unrelated. But you do need to reinforce to your partner how much it pisses you off.

tribpot · 22/04/2023 18:41

Can you say 'how funny' in a completely deadpan voice? Or make a game of keeping a tally for how many times they've said it? "DP - add another one to the total, what's that now? Is it 20?" followed by deadpan "how funny".

Alternatively you could say "I haven't trapped him - you can have him back if you like" and just keep throwing it to him to say whether or not he's been trapped into living with you rather than them (did he live with them up until you got together?).

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/04/2023 18:46

“I’ve been keeping a tally and that’s the 20th time you’ve said that, do I get a prize?”.

But actually, you have a DP problem and you need to address that. He might think they’re joking but your feelings are hurt. It’s not OK to say, “just joking” and think it makes everything OK. We refer to these comments as Schrödinger's joke. They say something mean and then your reaction tells them whether it’s a joke or not.

Nasty people.

Irridescantshimmmer · 22/04/2023 18:47

Just tell your monster in law

"Well he should have tied it it in a knot"

Her jaw will drop to the floor and her teeth may fall out.

I think she's jealous. You are young with a baby and your partner, so you are needed.

Lovingitallnow · 22/04/2023 18:55

"if I was going down that route I'd have probably aimed for someone with family money 😂😂😂"

TheMarsian · 22/04/2023 19:01

A joke us only a joke of the herein us laughing with you. If they’re not, then better stops and shut up.

If you say that to your FO, what would he say?

Have you tried to tell your PIL, I dont find it funny. Fur me it’s not a joke, could you please stop mentioning I trapped him?

GretaGood · 22/04/2023 19:04

I think I would say next time it happens ‘ if you say that ever again I’m walking out and won’t be back’

tailinthejam · 22/04/2023 19:06

Differentneeds · 22/04/2023 17:24

He thinks they are joking because they are laughing but I really don’t find it funny.

Once might be a joke, but 20 times? Perhaps you need to point out to your DP that a joke is not funny unless everyone's laughing - including the butt of the so-called joke. And you don't find it funny, you find it insulting and are upset by it.

pictoosh · 22/04/2023 19:42

GretaGood · 22/04/2023 19:04

I think I would say next time it happens ‘ if you say that ever again I’m walking out and won’t be back’

See I'm inclined to agree. Tell your dh this is what will happen if he doesn't shut them the fuck up first.

Original poster
Differentneeds · 22/04/2023 19:54

I have a child from a previous relationship and that relationship was abusive. They probably don’t think much of me but it’s not their choice who he dates. I’m actually a pretty decent person who’s picked themselves off the floor. I really dislike going over to see them but make an effort.

OP posts:
CruCru · 22/04/2023 20:05

That’s incredibly irritating. I would say something like “You know that you say this really often? I’ve counted X times since {date}”. Frown slightly and look right at them.

Don’t smile, laugh or talk about how offensive you find it. They are all right with offending you.

If they carry on, it’s all right to say that the dude is 33 and knows how children are made.

Skybluepinky · 22/04/2023 20:06

Don’t visit them, I had a MIL like that, I just use to let him go by himself, our kids didn’t like going to hers.

Pinkbonbon · 22/04/2023 20:23

"What can I say, your son just has excellent taste"