Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Getting really irritated with my partners parents comments towards me.

127 replies

Differentneeds · 22/04/2023 17:20

We are at their house now and I’ve removed myself from the room as the baby is sleeping. To be honest they piss me off with their constant comments towards me.

The one they keep repeating is that I trapped their boy and got pregnant. They laugh after but I just don’t find this funny. Yes I’m 7 years older but he’s 33 for gods sake and not a baby. He knows just as much about the birds and the bees as I do.

I don’t think that they are saying this as a joke even through they laugh after it. I just have heard it 20 times this year so far. He chooses to be with me and I don’t think they approve and it’s getting on my nerves.

OP posts:
StripeyDeckchair · 22/04/2023 21:54

Do you realise that a joke is only a joke if everyone in the room is genuinely laughing. I'm not laughing. It's not funny, it's offensive. Repeating it as frequently as you do is bullying.

I will not put up with this offensive, bullying behaviour so stop.

If they say it again stand up and say I made my opinion on this extremely clear earlier and leave.

Mirabai · 22/04/2023 21:55

I would just be straight: “I’m finding this super-offensive”.

If they say they’re joking, say: “Once is funny, twice is silly, third time rude”.

Mari9999 · 22/04/2023 22:12

@Katrinawaves

Why use access to the grandchild as a threat or pawn inthis situation? Nothing has been said to suggest that they do not love their grandchild. It is the child's mother and possibly the child's father, for whom they seem to be lacking in respect. If the OP and her partner continue with the relaxed and come what may attitude towards contraception, the " boy" may be "trapped" several more ties in the near future.

The readily available fix and solution is for the OP to simply stop going on the visits. If OP and her partner were to break up, the partner would probably still bring his child to spend time with the grandparents. So the threat of keeping the child from seeing the grandparent is effectively a meaningless threat. What the OP can do is to choose not to visit them. She can remove herself from their orbit.

Mirabai · 22/04/2023 22:19

Who gives a fuck if they love their grandchild, they’re treating it’s mother like shit. If you love someone you treat their relatives with respect.

RattlewhenIwalk · 22/04/2023 22:21

Is it a "family joke" like an-thing between you?

Or just a dig?

Inca22 · 22/04/2023 22:39

OP they treat you this way because you let them. I know it's easier said than done, but get a backbone and stick up for yourself. If it were me, I'd tell them not to repeat such BS again and if they do, without saying anything further I'd just leave and not come back until they apologised. People don't get to treat you like shit anymore - regardless of who they are.

Mari9999 · 22/04/2023 22:49

@Mirabai
I would imagine that there are countless numbers of grandparents all over the world who love their grandchildren while disliking or even detesting the parent of the grandchildren. Disliking the parent in no way prevents the grandparents from loving the grandchildren.

Most people are able to remain civil in these circumstances, and others solve the problem by avoiding contact as much as possible.

In this situation , civility does not seem to be a possible solution, but avoiding each other should be doable.

A child should not to be used as a leverage or a pawn in family relationships. If adults cannot resolve their issues with with civility and dignity, it should not be the child who suffers the loss.

Mirabai · 22/04/2023 22:57

Grandparents are overrated. These ones are not particularly bright or nice.

That other gps may treat their DIL similarly shitly is no defence.

ironorchids · 22/04/2023 23:02

Since your partner is quite happy for his parents to mock you in front of him, I run n you'd be completely reasonable in telling his parents to go f--- themselves in front of him.

Fuerza · 22/04/2023 23:04

They sound awful. I wouldn't announce manifesto style that you're not putting up witht this any more. Just stop going over there.

Peapodburgundybouquet · 22/04/2023 23:09

Are you the poster with a five month old baby, whose partner is autistic and asks if you ‘want in’ on his daily wank?

The ages are familiar.

billy1966 · 22/04/2023 23:10

OP,

I mean this very kindly but you need to find your self respect.

They are awful nasty people.

Stop visiting.

Do not go near them again with either of your children.

Tell their loser son to pack his bags and go home to mummy as you have zero intention of putting up with any futher rudeness not ignorance from them.

He's a real loser.

You deserve so much better.

Get out of there asap and never visit again.

Do not allow awful people to treat you like that.

Doodledeedum · 22/04/2023 23:16

And what makes their son so special? 😂 😏

Bodenesque · 22/04/2023 23:20

Don't go there, you need to show more respect to you and your child.

blahblahblah1654 · 22/04/2023 23:31

Your partner needs to stand up for you. I would leave his parents house and refuse to see them until they can treat you with respect.

SaltedCaramelIcedLatte · 22/04/2023 23:44

Fuck it! I wouldn't make the effort to visit them, they do not respect you, or your relationship! How go they treat your other child?

Mari9999 · 22/04/2023 23:49

@blahblahblah1654
There is no need to refuse to see them. It is not apparent that they are the ones extending the invitation. No proclamations or announcements need to be made. The OP can just stop going to their house.

Typically, when we find something to be annoying or bothersome many of us just push it aside and move on with our lives. It is doubtful that these people are going to be offended if they no longer see the OP. The OP is taking the stance for her benefit not to hurt them( because they won't be hurt.) She would be doing this to remove herself from an unpleasant situation.

There is absolutely no need for clever, cutesy, or profound statement and pronouncements. As with any pebble in your shoe, you just remove it and keep on walking.

AgrathaChristie · 22/04/2023 23:53

Bloody hell, she sounds totally toxic.
It is none of her business whether you were or were not on the pill. I’d want to punch her lights out for that alone.
Your children though will soon be old enough to understand her vile comments so your DP has to man up and shut her up. She stops or none of you return.

Original poster
Differentneeds · 23/04/2023 00:14

I think those of you who say to simply stop making the effort and not go are probably right. Me reacting with a comment won’t make them respect me. They aren’t stupid people, they know what they are saying. They’ve never liked any of his previous girlfriends. I know I’ve not trapped him. We had a discussion because of my age to just let nature happen. We’d been together for years and I was open from the beginning that it would be nice to have another and he would make a lovely dad. I didn’t want to stay with him and deny him of that opportunity. He told me that he wanted to stay with me so that was the decision. It’s not their decision what he does that’s his. They probably tar me with the abused other half brush. Perhaps they believe Im somehow responsible. I’m not, I’m a decent person who has to act to stop my ex from abusing my child. My current partner is not abusive so this would never be a problem if we were to split. From the outside this could look complicated.

Anyway I think I’m probably done with trying to justify that I’m actually ok and not looking to trap him. I had my own home before meeting him so it was never financial. His other family are really nice and make me feel welcome when we visit so will just leave it at that I suppose. It just feels rubbish to have people make assumption of you that aren’t true. It will put a strain on the relationship and I don’t want to put my partner in a position where he ever had to choose or feel piggy in the middle.

OP posts:
Original poster
Differentneeds · 23/04/2023 00:20

It’s not my place to not let baby have a relationship with her grandparents. I’m better then that.

OP posts:
Jux · 23/04/2023 00:27

"Did you mean to be so rude?" is I think one of the best MN retorts ever, and perfect for this situation. Pack your stuff, if they say it again respond with that and leave.

Jux · 23/04/2023 00:30

Oh yes and tell your partner, such as he is, that whether they think it's funny or not you find it demeaning and hurtful and innacurate; if he's not prepared to correct them the next time they say it - and correct them in front of you at the time - then you will not be returning (and he can find somewhere else to stay).

A partner should have your back. He's letting you down.

Aquamarine1029 · 23/04/2023 00:32

Here's my advice... Take the gloves off. Fuck these people and stop backing down and not standing up for yourself.

It would be all the guns blazing for me, and you can do so without losing your cool.

Your partner's parents are reprehensible. There is no relationship to save here.

queenofthebongo · 23/04/2023 00:39

When you say they are mud50'sss

queenofthebongo · 23/04/2023 00:42

Argh phone trouble sorry. If they are mid 50's and he is 33 you could make a comment about how young and immature they must have been when they had kids. Or just don't engage and give the death stare....

Swipe left for the next trending thread