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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Can you hate a stranger?

78 replies

Aussiegirl123456 · 20/04/2023 10:23

Sorry, I didn’t know the best place to post this question.

Quick background:
Child’s old deputy teacher.

He arrived at the school when my child was in their final year at that school, so I had very little to do with him. For context, my child was unproblematic, never in trouble, great grades etc.

This man seems to hate my guts with a passion. Eg, at the school, whenever I was anywhere near him he’d turn his back. Gave me weird long stares. When the head teacher tried to introduce me to him, he literally ran away!

I didn’t care as my child was about to finish that school, so just ignored and went about my own business. My child has since left the school to go to high school. I thought that’d be the last I see of him.

I have just started a post grad course at uni and this flipping man is there with his weird stares, blatantly ignoring me when I’ve been in group work with him and just making me feel so uncomfortable. Mumbles god knows what when I am speaking. If I have to speak to him, he actually turns his back to ignore me!

Across the room, he just stares. I keep eye contact now until he looks away to piss him off.

I don’t care that he hates me, but if anyone can offer me any advice or can offer me some words of wisdom? It’s honestly getting to the point now that I want to drop out the course because it’s making me so uncomfortable. I tried to ask what his issue is, but….he turned his back to me when I asked and made a weird noise and walked off! He is super charming and over friendly with absolutely everyone else (including my child when they were at the school), so it’s definitely me.

Any ideas how to approach? I really don’t want to quit or postpone my course because of him but it looks like it’s going to end up that way.

By the way, this may be paranoia. I posted on social media (LinkedIn) I was about to begin this really niche course. The paranoid part of me feels he has seen this and signed up just to fuck me off. Nobody would do that, would they?

OP posts:
Original poster
Aussiegirl123456 · 20/04/2023 10:50

Drlovestrong · 20/04/2023 10:46

If this is true this is so strange and stressful I'm sorry.

It is. And I’m considering pulling out of a course I’ve paid for because of it. But people on here seem to think it’s me being paranoid. It’s bullying and I need advice not people commenting about the preachiness of my child’s previous head teacher or asking me if I have ever thought anyone hated me before.

It is genuine and it’s bullying. It’s awful and I hate it.

OP posts:
PaintedEgg · 20/04/2023 10:54

Aussiegirl123456 · 20/04/2023 10:50

It is. And I’m considering pulling out of a course I’ve paid for because of it. But people on here seem to think it’s me being paranoid. It’s bullying and I need advice not people commenting about the preachiness of my child’s previous head teacher or asking me if I have ever thought anyone hated me before.

It is genuine and it’s bullying. It’s awful and I hate it.

Show quote history

if you think this is bullying then report it as such - you're an adult paying for a course, sit on a high horse, tell the course leader that this other person, whom you know very loosely as he was deputy head at your child's school but you've never interacted, is acting in a condescending manner whenever you speak up and ignores you. Say you're too old to tolerate this high school behaviour and paying too much to put up with it any longer.

Beetrootlover82 · 20/04/2023 10:54

To quote the OP’s opening sentence

Over the past week or so, a male teacher at my children’s school has just begun acting strange towards me. Or maybe it’s me just over thinking things.

Original poster
Aussiegirl123456 · 20/04/2023 10:54

JE17 · 20/04/2023 10:46

Maybe you've done something to offend him that you're oblivious to but means a lot to him. People can bear a grudge for a very long time.

Maybe. The very first time I ever saw him was when he jogged away, but maybe he had previously seen me and I had done something that offended him. But surely he'd communicate that when I hav asked him if I have done anything to offend him?

OP posts:
Blondey2023 · 20/04/2023 10:55

Beetrootlover82 · 20/04/2023 10:54

To quote the OP’s opening sentence

Over the past week or so, a male teacher at my children’s school has just begun acting strange towards me. Or maybe it’s me just over thinking things.

How odd! She's quite tetchy in her responses too 🙊

HyacinthBookay · 20/04/2023 10:56

weebarra · 20/04/2023 10:36

It might be that he thinks you are someone else?

Or OP reminds him of someone else. People can be very very strange, I find. A friend of mine was once part of a group in which one of the women absolutely hated her and, along with her mates treated my friend appallingly and all because my friend resembled the woman this person's husband had an affair with! She treated my friend as though she was the ow and they were complete strangers. My friend had never met this woman or her cheating husband in her life.

Beetrootlover82 · 20/04/2023 10:56

Op on your other thread you posted

Today I was speaking to another teacher (the head, we’re friends so was a brief chat), this teacher approached us and joined in the conversation in a friendly way. He kept touching my arm to tell me something while I was part way through speaking to the head teacher, so once I finished my sentence I turned to acknowledge him, smiled and said something, while I was actually mid sentence, he responded ‘oh right’ and turned away and walked off.

goodness you and your head and teachers have had peculiar interactions 😂

Original poster
Aussiegirl123456 · 20/04/2023 10:56

Beetrootlover82 · 20/04/2023 10:54

To quote the OP’s opening sentence

Over the past week or so, a male teacher at my children’s school has just begun acting strange towards me. Or maybe it’s me just over thinking things.

Yes, same teacher. He is now on a post grad course I am on. That is what I am asking advice on. My child no longer attends that school so the previous post is irrelevant.

IT IS THE UNIVERSITY COURSE I WOULD APPRECIATE ADVICE ON PLEASE DETECTIVE BEETROOT. Please, if you have nothing useful to contribute then please step aside. This is genuinely a very stressful situation for me. If I leave the course I will lose a lot of money.

OP posts:
Beetrootlover82 · 20/04/2023 10:57

Read the other OP’s thread

I don’t think any of us will be surprised to learn the OP has…. History with teachers!

HyacinthBookay · 20/04/2023 10:57

OP I think that you should let other people know about this. Have you made any friends yet? As soon as you do please confide in them, otherwise this will stay in your head and you will be second guessing and doubting yourself. Others may notice the behaviour, which will be reassuring, or they will say you are being paranoid.

Beetrootlover82 · 20/04/2023 10:58

So it’s the same teacher

on this thread he ran away
on the other thread he was touching your arm

oh and you said on this thread you’d never posted about it before 🤔

Original poster
Aussiegirl123456 · 20/04/2023 10:59

Beetrootlover82 · 20/04/2023 10:58

So it’s the same teacher

on this thread he ran away
on the other thread he was touching your arm

oh and you said on this thread you’d never posted about it before 🤔

The first time I met him he jogged away. The arm touching time was a later time. I don't really understand what you are getting from this. I haven't posted about him joining y course before, I have only been on the course for 4 weeks.

OP posts:
Beetrootlover82 · 20/04/2023 11:00

And you other thread about this teacher was September 2022

but you say that now your child is in secondary?

NeatCompactSleeper · 20/04/2023 11:00

Aussiegirl123456 · 20/04/2023 10:48

If you read my OP, I already have done that.

I don’t understand people who comment things that have already been covered, but here we are.

Show quote history

No you haven't really.

Just ask him at a convenient moment where he cannot walk away, such as when he's sitting down.

Original poster
Aussiegirl123456 · 20/04/2023 11:01

HyacinthBookay · 20/04/2023 10:57

OP I think that you should let other people know about this. Have you made any friends yet? As soon as you do please confide in them, otherwise this will stay in your head and you will be second guessing and doubting yourself. Others may notice the behaviour, which will be reassuring, or they will say you are being paranoid.

Thank you. Yes, others on the course have begun to notice which is reassuring, especially during group activities.
I think I will ask the course leader if I can not be put into any groups with him?

OP posts:
Original poster
Aussiegirl123456 · 20/04/2023 11:02

NeatCompactSleeper · 20/04/2023 11:00

No you haven't really.

Just ask him at a convenient moment where he cannot walk away, such as when he's sitting down.

Show quote history

I did, so did someone within our group while we were doing group work. As I said before, he just made a "eughhhh" noise and did not answer. The other person within the group who asked him was pressing him for an answer but he didn't say anything, so I just told them to leave it.

OP posts:
Gymmum82 · 20/04/2023 11:04

I would ask him directly. In the class. In front of everyone. So he cannot avoid the question or leave. Or change the subject and I would keep on like a dog with a bone until I got an answer.

Failing that speak to the course tutor and explain the situation so they can keep an eye, pull him up on any behaviour and say it won’t be tolerated and also make sure you are not paired with him or in a group with him

Beetrootlover82 · 20/04/2023 11:04

ing refurbished. I noticed him staring at me quite a lot but didn’t think too much of it, assumed it was likely I was just in his line of vision while he was thinking, I do that all the time.

Then I noticed he was intentionally acting like I didn’t exist. Such as he’d turn his back to me whenever I was near, wouldn’t ever look at me, but would always stand close enough to wherever I would be

and this man Op. your colleague. Another man staring at you and ignoring you.

OP - you sound utterly unhinged

NeatCompactSleeper · 20/04/2023 11:04

Oh, just read your other thread.

Too weird.

Aussiegirl123456 · 20/04/2023 11:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Aussiegirl123456 · 20/04/2023 11:06

Gymmum82 · 20/04/2023 11:04

I would ask him directly. In the class. In front of everyone. So he cannot avoid the question or leave. Or change the subject and I would keep on like a dog with a bone until I got an answer.

Failing that speak to the course tutor and explain the situation so they can keep an eye, pull him up on any behaviour and say it won’t be tolerated and also make sure you are not paired with him or in a group with him

Thank you, I will

OP posts:
Beetrootlover82 · 20/04/2023 11:06

Op you have started multiple threads about men staring at you and looking at you oddly

Watchkeys · 20/04/2023 11:07

He's acting strangely, but why do you care? He's not actually doing anything that you couldn't ignore, or roll your eyes at, is he?

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