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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Can you hate a stranger?

78 replies

Aussiegirl123456 · 20/04/2023 10:23

Sorry, I didn’t know the best place to post this question.

Quick background:
Child’s old deputy teacher.

He arrived at the school when my child was in their final year at that school, so I had very little to do with him. For context, my child was unproblematic, never in trouble, great grades etc.

This man seems to hate my guts with a passion. Eg, at the school, whenever I was anywhere near him he’d turn his back. Gave me weird long stares. When the head teacher tried to introduce me to him, he literally ran away!

I didn’t care as my child was about to finish that school, so just ignored and went about my own business. My child has since left the school to go to high school. I thought that’d be the last I see of him.

I have just started a post grad course at uni and this flipping man is there with his weird stares, blatantly ignoring me when I’ve been in group work with him and just making me feel so uncomfortable. Mumbles god knows what when I am speaking. If I have to speak to him, he actually turns his back to ignore me!

Across the room, he just stares. I keep eye contact now until he looks away to piss him off.

I don’t care that he hates me, but if anyone can offer me any advice or can offer me some words of wisdom? It’s honestly getting to the point now that I want to drop out the course because it’s making me so uncomfortable. I tried to ask what his issue is, but….he turned his back to me when I asked and made a weird noise and walked off! He is super charming and over friendly with absolutely everyone else (including my child when they were at the school), so it’s definitely me.

Any ideas how to approach? I really don’t want to quit or postpone my course because of him but it looks like it’s going to end up that way.

By the way, this may be paranoia. I posted on social media (LinkedIn) I was about to begin this really niche course. The paranoid part of me feels he has seen this and signed up just to fuck me off. Nobody would do that, would they?

OP posts:
Beetrootlover82 · 20/04/2023 10:28

Out of interest

is this the first and only person you have thought has “hated you”?

Original poster
Aussiegirl123456 · 20/04/2023 10:31

Beetrootlover82 · 20/04/2023 10:28

Out of interest

is this the first and only person you have thought has “hated you”?

No. Not at all.
But it’s the first person who seems to deliberately go out of their way to make me feel shit about myself for absolutely no reason.

OP posts:
NeatCompactSleeper · 20/04/2023 10:35

When the head teacher tried to introduce me to him, he literally ran away!

Are you saying he went from a standing position to literally running away?

What did he say as he started running? Surely he said something like "Sorry, I have to catch Billy's parents before they leave", or "So sorry, but I have to catch my train" etc?

And no, of course he wouldn't start a post grad course at university just to piss you off.

weebarra · 20/04/2023 10:36

It might be that he thinks you are someone else?

TheYearOfSmallThings · 20/04/2023 10:37

Did you post about this before?

NCforthis123456 · 20/04/2023 10:39

Could it be possible he fancies you? some men are weird

Original poster
Aussiegirl123456 · 20/04/2023 10:39

NeatCompactSleeper · 20/04/2023 10:35

When the head teacher tried to introduce me to him, he literally ran away!

Are you saying he went from a standing position to literally running away?

What did he say as he started running? Surely he said something like "Sorry, I have to catch Billy's parents before they leave", or "So sorry, but I have to catch my train" etc?

And no, of course he wouldn't start a post grad course at university just to piss you off.

No he actually turned and jogged away. He didn’t say anything. The head teacher asked me what that was about and if we already knew one another. There was nobody else around. If there was then I would have put it down to him remembering something urgent or trying to find someone else. It was as bazaar as it sounds.

Yeah the post grad comment I made was half tongue in cheek, but as I say, it’s a niche area completely unrelated to his career field so did cross my mind.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aussiegirl123456 · 20/04/2023 10:39

TheYearOfSmallThings · 20/04/2023 10:37

Did you post about this before?

No

OP posts:
Beetrootlover82 · 20/04/2023 10:40

When the head teacher tried to introduce me to him, he literally ran away!

of course he didn’t. You clearly are exaggerating which throws in to doubt all your other observations of this person’s supposed hatred of you

Beetrootlover82 · 20/04/2023 10:41

The head teacher asked me what that was about

well the headteacher sounds like a peach

Original poster
Aussiegirl123456 · 20/04/2023 10:41

NCforthis123456 · 20/04/2023 10:39

Could it be possible he fancies you? some men are weird

No. He mumbles as I’m talking like he’s mimicking me. He knows he’s trying to make me uncomfortable.

We are both late 40’s. He’s deliberately letting me know he hates me. Even other people on our course have picked up on it. If they ask him what his problem is he just goes “eurhhhh” (weird noise) but doesn’t answer them.

OP posts:
Beetrootlover82 · 20/04/2023 10:42

“Old deputy teacher”

so how long ago did all this happen?

Original poster
Aussiegirl123456 · 20/04/2023 10:42

Beetrootlover82 · 20/04/2023 10:40

When the head teacher tried to introduce me to him, he literally ran away!

of course he didn’t. You clearly are exaggerating which throws in to doubt all your other observations of this person’s supposed hatred of you

No, I’m not.
As I said, even the head picked up on it and asked what that was about.

OP posts:
Beetrootlover82 · 20/04/2023 10:43

Oh sorry - seen the course

Original poster
Aussiegirl123456 · 20/04/2023 10:43

Beetrootlover82 · 20/04/2023 10:41

The head teacher asked me what that was about

well the headteacher sounds like a peach

Not sure what else they would do in such a bazaar situation other than try to make sense of it by asking questions, but okay… 🙄

OP posts:
Smallonesaremorejuicy · 20/04/2023 10:44

I have read this before!!!

Beetrootlover82 · 20/04/2023 10:44

So the head teacher asked a parent “what was that about?” When his senior colleague supposedly runs away from the parent?

Original poster
Aussiegirl123456 · 20/04/2023 10:44

Smallonesaremorejuicy · 20/04/2023 10:44

I have read this before!!!

Cool. So what was the outcome?

OP posts:
Beetrootlover82 · 20/04/2023 10:45

Smallonesaremorejuicy · 20/04/2023 10:44

I have read this before!!!

Me too

I suspect that something is going on!!

JE17 · 20/04/2023 10:46

Maybe you've done something to offend him that you're oblivious to but means a lot to him. People can bear a grudge for a very long time.

Drlovestrong · 20/04/2023 10:46

If this is true this is so strange and stressful I'm sorry.

Beetrootlover82 · 20/04/2023 10:47

. I tried to ask what his issue is, but….he turned his back to me when I asked and made a weird noise and walked off!

what did you say?

Blondey2023 · 20/04/2023 10:47

I never understand these threads. Just ask him if there's a problem? We can't possibly know why he does it. If it was me I'd say "I notice you appear uncomfortable around me, have I done something to offend you?".

Original poster
Aussiegirl123456 · 20/04/2023 10:48

Beetrootlover82 · 20/04/2023 10:44

So the head teacher asked a parent “what was that about?” When his senior colleague supposedly runs away from the parent?

We were mid conversation about something when the deputy walked towards us. She said “oh Aussiegirl, have you met Mr ?”. He looked at me, turned around and jogged off without saying a word.
She then asked me what that was about, do we already know one another.

That was the very first time I saw him. Maybe she questioned him later, I don’t know. There really wasn’t much else she could have done at that very moment. It was strange.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aussiegirl123456 · 20/04/2023 10:48

Blondey2023 · 20/04/2023 10:47

I never understand these threads. Just ask him if there's a problem? We can't possibly know why he does it. If it was me I'd say "I notice you appear uncomfortable around me, have I done something to offend you?".

If you read my OP, I already have done that.

I don’t understand people who comment things that have already been covered, but here we are.

OP posts: