My adult son and his gf are always whispering to one another

[Daniella12]

Can I have advice please? My son is in his twenties and lives with his girlfriend. When they visit they are annoyingly couply. Always wedged together, holding hands on the sofa and lots of whispering and meaningful eye contact when we are in the room with them. Him whispering, ‘You okay?’ I find it rude and excluding. They have been together for 3 years.

it's too early in the morning for this bait topic

You'd think you'd be pleased to see him. Stop being silly.

You could always say what my Mum said to us when we were younger and what I say to my own children - whispering in company is bad manners!

Yeah, tell him it’s rude to whisper in company.

It's not bait, whispering in the presence of others is incredibly rude, no matter how lived up they are, especially the part "Are you OK?". Ffs, they're not watching a horror film at the cinema, why wouldn't she be ok? Even if she dislikes the OP she could behave like a grown up when at her house. They're behaving like little kids

Wtf, tell them they are being really rude!

You'd think you'd be pleased to see him. Stop being silly

No, it's not silly to object to rudeness in her own home. Even (in fact, especially) from her own child and his partner.

I mean he's probably not wanting to say "are you okay" out particularly loud to make her feel uncomfortable!

"always wedged together"
"Meaningful eye contact"
"Annoyingly couply"

They're in their 20s and in love. Rude and excluding? Cut the umbilical cord and be less of a nightmare!

I bloody hate whispering. It's rude of them, no matter how loved up they are.

On the plus side at least they seem very in love and happy I suppose?

Tell them straight, it is rude to whisper in company! That would seriously annoy me.

As for the touchy feely sweet nothings, they live together and have been a couple for three years, for goodness sake. Public displays of affection, except the mildest, are simply not appropriate when with other people, it is exclusive. They have their own home and plenty of time to canoodle.

A bit of plain speaking is needed.

Mayb she doesn’t like u, so he is checking she is ok.
Or Mayb they know it annoys u.

a short sentence is hardly rude - partners checking on each other is not uncommon or rude

Im also surprised that people find it so odd close to partner or show occasional affection

Have you posted about this before? I think there is a back story here, either she’s got anxiety or you’re not nice to her and I think you know exactly what it is.

@PaintedEgg
Constant whispering ( frequently enough to be observed by others) is rude in any social setting at any age

I think that a good rule of thumb is that behaviors that you would not exhibit if you were a guest in your boss' home are behaviors that probably belong in your home.

If there is reason to think that the Gf has social anxiety when visiting the OP that may be an issue to bring to the table rather than whispering about it. Alternately, the son may wish to visit the OP on his own; in this way he does not have to care if the Gf is okay and OP does not have rude whispering going on in her home.

You could introduce them to the German adage "Wer flüstert, der lügt" - he who whispers, lies

My DP's DD and her BF used to do this, including whispering to each other at the dinner table. It is beyond rude and annoying and just makes everyone else feel so uncomfortable.

Oh god this would drive me nuts too OP. I detest whispering in company and can't stand overly-tactile-in-public couples. A friend of ours and her DP were like this for ages and it made me want to headbutt them. They've had a baby now and hate each other so normal service has resumed for the rest of us 😂😂

I think this is just sort of early days behaviour in a relationship. BIL and his partner (been together 2 years) are like this when they and they are mid to late 30s!

I don’t see a problem with the handholding etc, but the whispering is extremely rude.
Have you asked him why they’re whispering and why he keeps asking her if she’s ok? Is there a reason why she shouldn’t be?

@mindutopia
Would you BIl engage in that behavior if he were a guest in his boss 'home? If not, even in early stage romance you have a sense of appropriate to time and place.

I think that sometimes people have a juvenile need to show that they now have something that over time most people have as a normal part of living.

I th

Sometimes my partner will whisper to me something along the lines of 'are you ok?'. Especially if his family are visiting. I have quite bad anxiety and I've got a lot going on personally at the moment, he is a considerate man so he is very aware of small things that mean I might not be ok (down to rubbing my nails on my sleeve etc).
Maybe it's something like this

I have friends who vists me and sometimes speak to each other in their language which I don't speak, that's also incredibly rude. NB They speak pefect English and I am in UK.

You raised him! You should have told him years ago that whispering in company is rude and if he didn't do it then and has just started doing it now then tell them. It's easy. You just say "it's rude to whisper in company". That's it, that's all you have to do.

He’s your son and he’s in your house when he’s doing this and you haven’t flagged this with him because…?