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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My adult son and his gf are always whispering to one another

81 replies

Daniella12 · 19/04/2023 09:24

Can I have advice please? My son is in his twenties and lives with his girlfriend. When they visit they are annoyingly couply. Always wedged together, holding hands on the sofa and lots of whispering and meaningful eye contact when we are in the room with them. Him whispering, ‘You okay?’ I find it rude and excluding. They have been together for 3 years.

OP posts:
Kyokyo · 19/04/2023 11:27

Sorry OP, no idea why some people are saying to leave them alone as they are in love 😂

No one wants to feel like a third wheel in their own home, or witness their family members in acts of PDA whilst whispering to each other. It IS rude and it makes others feel uncomfortable.

They probably don't realise they are doing it though - next time you see him you should just say that the PDA is a little much and its rude to whisper.

Justmuddlingalong · 19/04/2023 11:32

Perhaps she's anxious.
Can you have a private conversation with him and ask if his GF feels uncomfortable at your house, as the whispering, even if it's to reassure her, is making you feel uncomfortable.

Original poster
Daniella12 · 19/04/2023 11:38

AgentJohnson · 19/04/2023 11:27

He’s your son and he’s in your house when he’s doing this and you haven’t flagged this with him because…?

Because it is really awkward. He is very protective of his gf and I literally do not know how to say anything without sounding passive aggressive. Firstly, I wanted to establish if I was over reacting and, also, he is an only child and I do not want to seem possessive. I am genuinely not. Some posters think that she has social anxiety around me, but she always comes home with him and has even stayed alone with me for a week when he went abroad for work. We got on. I literally am curious - is the whispering, touching and so on, bad behaviour. Would you do that? I didn’t when I was with my parents and my DH’s parents. It could be that I give off an irritated vibe, because of their constant whispering …

OP posts:
OhGingleBells · 19/04/2023 11:42

Behave in the exact same way with your partner and see how they like that! Most likely they really won’t enjoy seeing you holding hands, whispering and making meaningful eye contact!! Probably best not to invite anyone else while you’re trying it though 😉

AgentJohnson · 19/04/2023 11:44

You are over thinking this. Is the dynamic with your son so precarious that you can’t tell him he’s behaving poorly by whispering? It has nothing to do with his gf.

Original poster
Daniella12 · 19/04/2023 11:45

Kyokyo · 19/04/2023 11:27

Sorry OP, no idea why some people are saying to leave them alone as they are in love 😂

No one wants to feel like a third wheel in their own home, or witness their family members in acts of PDA whilst whispering to each other. It IS rude and it makes others feel uncomfortable.

They probably don't realise they are doing it though - next time you see him you should just say that the PDA is a little much and its rude to whisper.

Thanks for your support. They do this everywhere … when we have guests etc and people do notice. I know it is minor but I find it very irritating. The conversation is going smoothly and then you notice the hands, the eyes, the whispering …. I am resolved and will speak to my son when he is on his own.

OP posts:
Aylestone · 19/04/2023 11:49

dietcokelime · 19/04/2023 09:48

I mean he's probably not wanting to say "are you okay" out particularly loud to make her feel uncomfortable!

"always wedged together"
"Meaningful eye contact"
"Annoyingly couply"

They're in their 20s and in love. Rude and excluding? Cut the umbilical cord and be less of a nightmare!

I thought that when I first read the post. I can see why he feels the need to check on his girlfriend when the op is being so weird about them acting in love.
Op you can sort the situation by demanding they sit apart, don’t look at each other and no communicating. They won’t ever come over again. Problem solved.

GretaGood · 19/04/2023 11:49

NOOOOo don't speak to him,
Just let them get on with it -

This is a fleeting thing - imagine they have a child - how will they fit in the whispering then, the touching etc

They are behaving like teenagers - but that won't go on forever - life will get in the way.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 19/04/2023 12:00

I think the being coupley and asking if they are ok is acceptable but whispering in company is really rude. My sibling used to do this with their friends...when they were 14, and it made everyone else feel very uncomfortable...with grown adults it's really annoying.

I would be careful about how you approach it though, if you go down the 'stop being rude' route they might not want to visit any more. I'd approach it along the lines of 'is everything ok, is there anything I can do to make (gf) feel more comfortable when she is here? I've noticed a lot of whispering and I'd hate to think that here are things you both feel you can't say infront of me'

Cantstandbullshitanymore · 19/04/2023 12:09

ComeOnThenFanny · 19/04/2023 09:30

You'd think you'd be pleased to see him. Stop being silly.

She’s not being silly it’s annoying. Same when with friends and couple continue to be all lovey dopey making everyone else uncomfortable and awkward. They have been together 3 years not 3 weeks.

Mari9999 · 19/04/2023 12:13

@Aylestone
Again the question, if they were invited to his boss' house for dinner, would they feel the need to" act in love?". As adults, do they not need to behave as adults in an appropriate to time and place manner?

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 19/04/2023 12:20

Have you got a partner or friend you can have round when they next visit so that you can whisper to them to make your son and gf realise how rude and irritating it is

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/04/2023 12:25

Why does he worry whether or not she’s okay? That’s the weirdest part given you say how well you and she get on.

Tinybrother · 19/04/2023 12:29

Mari9999 · 19/04/2023 12:13

@Aylestone
Again the question, if they were invited to his boss' house for dinner, would they feel the need to" act in love?". As adults, do they not need to behave as adults in an appropriate to time and place manner?

I’m not sure that thinking you need to behave in your mother’s home as you would in your boss’s is quite the demonstration of understanding behaviour appropriate to the time and place you think it is.

the whispering sounds annoying and rude, but it could also be considered very rude to treat your mother’s house as though it is your boss’s

Notreadyfortrip · 19/04/2023 12:33

Privately whispering when you are in the company of a few others is very rude, yes. Especially if you are the only other person in the room OP, as it's deliberately excluding you.

Bababababab · 19/04/2023 12:35

Excluding the whispering there is nothing rude there. Touching and looking at each other is ok in my opinion. And yes I would hold my dh s hand and look at him if I was at my boss's house (though he is at his patches house here.)

MrsHsGirl · 19/04/2023 12:36

My brother in law and his gf do this it is so weird and annoying!

LolaSmiles · 19/04/2023 12:39

The whispering in company is rude.

The touching it would depend on how much it is. One of my siblings and their partner can't keep their hands off each other and at times it makes the company quite awkward.

Choconut · 19/04/2023 12:50

I'd just say to ds that I feel really uncomfortable when they spend time just whispering to each other - the rest is just sweet IMO. If it's just 'are you ok?' then that's fine but if they want a long private conversation then ask them to go have it in another room or outside.
Personally I'd probably just loudly say 'what are you two love birds whispering about?' every time they do it, they'd probably soon stop then!

Thepossibility · 19/04/2023 12:57

Whisper “why are we whispering?" to them.

cobblers123 · 19/04/2023 13:01

My brother and wife do this, one of them will say something really quietly then they both start sniggering, if you happen to ask what they said, they just say "oh nothing", makes you feel really awkward.

They've always been like this, their daughter is the same whenever she is with them.

Bloody rude and annoying!

Yellowdays · 19/04/2023 13:17

I wouldn't comment if my son did this, although I do think it's immature for mid -twenties.

Frogger8395 · 19/04/2023 13:32

My son is exactly the same. I told him it made people feel uncomfortable. Now they text each other instead. I preferred the whispering.

Notreadyfortrip · 19/04/2023 13:32

Yellowdays · 19/04/2023 13:17

I wouldn't comment if my son did this, although I do think it's immature for mid -twenties.

I would comment if my son did this. Never too late to teach him how to behave properly!

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 19/04/2023 13:45

I’d tell them to not be so rude. Whispering sets off my misophonia so if I didn’t tell them to stop I’d probably end up slapping them both about the head. 😂