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Original poster

Second wife and Wills

98 replies

GummyBear7 · 13/04/2023 22:05

Both on our second marriage. DH has two kids now adults from his first marriage and I have no kids. We have been together for 6 years and married 5.

For almost 5 years I have been paying for our lives whilst he is an entrepreneur and has been building companies. For about 4 years I have paid also paid his accommodation costs when his children were at university and mortgage for his old marital home until his children finished university. These arrangements with were made and in place prior to us meeting and because his businesses did not make any money and he was still wanted to help the kids have a home for them in London whilst in university I paid for these.

His business was/is our retirement ticket - it is more than a hope, it is highly probably to come to fruition - and is expected to start making money this year and reach a good valuation which will allow us to retire in 5 years. For me this means I can retire in my early 50s, he is some years older. I support him every day in the agonising world of entrepreneurship in every way. I have even paid for some of his business expenses when he did not have any money.

I am a high earner so we have had a very comfortable life, however, my divorce settlement has had depleted quite.

All of my employment benefits have him as a 100% beneficiary.

I have a brother and who has two children who I am close to. They are comfortable but I would want to educate and give them an inheritance when time comes for university which is good timing with the company making money.

Thanks for reading this far!
DH and I are very close. We always talk about looking after family and friends when his company makes money and the charities we would like to support. He broke my heart the other day when he said that in his Last Will, he will leave a third each to me and each of his kids. I expected 50/50 to me and the two kids. I am now so angry that I am thinking about divorcing him when the time is right to get 50% just to prove a point.
AIBU?

OP posts:
Aintnosupermum · 13/04/2023 22:08

Completely reasonable but why aren’t you a 50% owner now?

Original poster
GummyBear7 · 13/04/2023 22:12

He has a co-founder who has invested money and DH is the ideas man and two others who bring it to life. I have paid for some of his business expenses but have not invested or worked in the business.

OP posts:
SalaDaeng · 13/04/2023 22:15

You need to get advice now from a solicitor who is also an estate and IHT planner.

StopFeckingFaffing · 13/04/2023 22:15

I hope your faith in his business is not misplaced OP. 5 years is a long time to still not be making a profit.

titchy · 13/04/2023 22:27

What's wrong with a third? You don't have children. You're independently wealthy. You seem confident his business will enable you to retire early. Your needs are far less than those of his dc.

Original poster
GummyBear7 · 13/04/2023 22:53

@titchy the principle of it all.
My father left 50% to my mother and 50% for me and my brother. This is what I know from every marriage around me. So I expect the same. I am not their mother but I will have his kids in my will for most of what I have, and then education and if possible house deposit for my brother's children.
The sample principle as when I paid for his children's university.
Why should this be different just because I am the second wife and not their mother?

OP posts:
Dery · 13/04/2023 22:54

A third each seems fine to me. I’m a bit shocked that you think you should have 50% to be honest. Why do you think you’re entitled to a bigger share than each of his children, particularly when you’re well off financially?

Dery · 13/04/2023 22:54

Okay - I missed your update. Ignore my post.

Dontbelieveaword · 13/04/2023 22:57

Ffs 🙄

titchy · 13/04/2023 22:58

But your father did that in the almost certain knowledge that you and your brother would in due course inherit the other 50% from your mum.

Your dh knows full well his dcs won't inherit from you.

SalaDaeng · 13/04/2023 22:59

Have you sat down and gone through all the legal stuff regarding the ownership of the business?
Have you seen the accounts?

titchy · 13/04/2023 23:00

Sorry didn't read the rest of your post - even so your dh has no certainty that you wouldn't subsequently change your will. It's quite unusual for you to say you'll leave most of your estate to your adult late husband's children and not your own family - particularly as you haven't even been a step mother figure.

titchy · 13/04/2023 23:02

And principles don't buy houses or pay for holidays or education or whatever else his dcs would be likely to spend their inheritance on.

SalaDaeng · 13/04/2023 23:05

You paid for his children's university education, you paid some of his business expenses and supported him financially while building the business.
I would say your contribution is valid.
What is the status of the other 3 people? Are they partners?
Are there loans?
These are things you should at least know about.

Original poster
GummyBear7 · 13/04/2023 23:14

What does a step mother figure mean? Does she pay for the house mortgage (the house their mother lives in) and their uni fees? Or because they aren't her kids she does not bother with that?

Does a step mother figure spend a healthy five figure sum to prop up the kids and their father's life depleting her divorce settlement?

Who else do I have to leave his money to if not his children?! And he knows this.

Am I out of whack with my principle? Do you think it's because he cannot be certain I won't give most of it to his children. But you do see the point that, principle aside, under English Law I will get 50% in a divorce?

OP posts:
mdinbc · 13/04/2023 23:14

I can see your side, and I would look into the partnership agreements of his business.

Lizzt2007 · 13/04/2023 23:16

You paid the mortgage on his marital home, do you live there? Or do you both live elsewhere. If you both live in the previous marital home then you definitely need to be looking at 50/50 as unless he's added you to the deeds as joint owner the house will form part of his estate in his will unless specifically excluded.

Original poster
GummyBear7 · 13/04/2023 23:17

@SalaDaeng thanks but to be clear this post has nothing to do with his ownership of or business dealings. But yes I know, I review most of his paperwork, so have seen everything from shareholder agreements to accounts to taxes etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
GummyBear7 · 13/04/2023 23:22

@Lizzt2007 nope, I pay the rent for our flat. His ex and children lived in the former home for which I paid mortgage until the kids finished uni. The house was sold late last year, he got 20% of the equity (don't ask, that was their settlement agreement).
We rent in the area we want to eventually buy in but he did not have a deposit at the time - all spent or earmarked for the business or tied up in the house - so we decided to wait a couple of years to accumulate a better deposit. Then covid came and a set back to the business, but we kept at it and almost there now.

OP posts:
AgrathaChristie · 13/04/2023 23:24

This Will has been redrawn, witnessed etc.. since your marriage, hasn’t it? Remarriage invalidates a previous Will in England & Wales. Don’t know if it’s different in Scotland and N. Ireland.
When his business starts bringing money in maybe that’s the time to reclaim money you’ve given in the past and use that as you want.

Original poster
GummyBear7 · 13/04/2023 23:25

I think it is the disappointment of what his comment means that has made me so angry. I trusted him with all of mine but he doesn't trust me with his.

OP posts:
SeulementUneFois · 13/04/2023 23:25

Fuck's sake OP.
He (they?) have definitely seen you coming.
Bide your time till the business is profitable and then divorce him.

Original poster
GummyBear7 · 13/04/2023 23:27

@SeulementUneFois feels like that now for sure. I honestly did it with the best intention of standing by your partners dreams. ...was that stupid

OP posts:
Dontbelieveaword · 13/04/2023 23:27

You've only been together 6 years and for all those years you've supported him, his business, his adult children, paid for his former marital home and he's paid for....?
You fund his and his co-founders' business bit you're not part-owner?
God, he really seen you coming, didn't he?
If you're that upset that he's only leaving you 30% (of nothing) in his will but point out that you'll get 50% (of nothing), it's a no-brainer, isn't it? You're getting a percentage of nothing, so you either divorce him now and he gets to claim a percentage of your earnings because he's financially reliant on you and because at the moment he has nothing. Or you wait until he dies and you end up skint because you'll still be financing him, his business and his kids, have nothing in your name and you'll inherit a percentage of absolutely nothing.
For such a successful high earner, you don't have much financial nous, eh?

Aquamarine1029 · 13/04/2023 23:30

You have been an absolute mug.