I need you help being a detective to save my sanity

[Stillwearingskinnys]

Hi all,

I would really really appreciate your advice if you can help.

I have recently found out my long term partner has debt I was not aware of. It is not the first time this has happened.

I am really worried there are more lies and I would like to do some digging but unsure how to go around it.

Things that make me uneasy:

He has his phone on his 24/7
Uses PayPal - not sure if this matters
Takes hundreds out in cash with not much of an explanation as to why
Moves money from one current account to the other, then back again in the same day
stays up at bedtime until 1am every night, weekends about 3.30
Just found out he takes days off work, parks up in a lay-by for 10 hours a day sleeping and watching Netflix

I think if I knew what I was looking for on his phone I would find something. It’s like my gut instinct is telling me there is. He of course is apologetic and swears I know everything…

Please help!

I don't think you need to do any digging. He's not trustworthy. I'd be binning him.

Sounds like he's taking drugs. Probably coke.

The only “digging” you need to do is finding out if he’s taken any debt in your name. Once that’s done, dump and run

My gut tells me you need to bin him off

What a loser

Sounds like he’s a coke head. It’s definitely drugs.

Or gambling

Credit check him and you in something like Experian that will give you the financial picture the rest sounds dodgy as tho.

it sounds like a coke problem to me unfortunately

Save your sanity by asking why you feel the need to cling to this relationship.
He doesn’t seem much like a partner.
What does he actually bring to your life?

Could be gambling. Using PayPal I think means it would show on bank statement as PayPal and not ‘bet365’ or whatever. I could be wrong about that though. Drawing out cash he can take to the betting shop, again no evidence on a bank statement.

Either way I wouldn’t bother digging and would just begin getting things in order for yourself and making an exit plan. Whether he’s in a lay by sleeping and watching Netflix or whether that’s a cover story for being in a betting shop all day your life will likely be a lot happier without him and his lies.

It might be coke yeah.

The lay-by thing is fucking weird tho. How do you know he is doing this? Do you know for sure.

I mean if he wanted to take coke there would be many more conducive places than on his own, in a layby, watching Netflix, while he should be at work. It's just strange. Is this in a normal car or a campervan?

It’s definitely not drugs, I would know.

My guess is gambling (he invests in xrp, sure it’s coming in any day), but I can see those transactions. Or something seedy online, nothing in his history though.

Could he have 2 emails accounts? How could I find out? Or hidden files on his phone, nothing that I can see

100% cokehead
Not sure why he would move money from one account to another and back again though.
Cocaine would be the reason he doesn't come to bed till late and then crashes for 10hours solid every few days. Either that or he's having an affair.
Do you have children?

Why waste your energy? Just get rid.

Prostitutes?

Whst is his excuse for parking in a lay-by for 10 hours at a time?

We have 3 kids.

He doesn’t seem like a Coke head, he’s always tired but then he always has been.

The hundreds he takes out are nothing in comparison to the total he has totted up. Just generally living beyond his means.

It’s the lies. I can’t stand to be lied to.

He can be very shifty. Why be shifty with his phone? No messages out of the ordinary, but he gets a lot of emails from those random Russian women finding husbands etc.

Sounds awful! Why not just break up with the guy? Is there something keeping you there?

We love rurally so I don’t think sex workers - unless on line.

he says he was down, that’s why he parks in lay-by, because he is skint

Nothing wrong with Paypal. I use it all the time, so quick and easy. Otherwise, you need to ask some questions.
Is he a high earner, by moving cash around like this!? And what does he spend the cash on?
And why does he park up for long periods of time?
Has he got a trust fund?

Crossed message!
So after your update, I would reckon gambling.

I would want to do some more digging I know it's easy to just say bin him but I would want to know what he was up to and the confront him. I'm not tech savvy but can't you track him/ clone is phone so you have access?

But what I mean op is how do you know he’s parked in a lay-by for 10 hours and not off with a woman somewhere? - the cash would explain that - he won’t want a cheap hotel showing up on his bank account.

Men with lie and lie and lie to cover up cheating.

I've got at least 4 email accounts - an old one, a current one, a work one (in fact 2 work ones , one from the organization and one of my own for work stuff) and one for a business I used to run. Thinking about it I also had one when getting married for emailing suppliers and RSVPs. So I have 6

*will

Coke or sex workers. My friend swore blind it couldn’t be drugs with her DP, two small kids, always tired etc but sleeping badly. Turns out it was coke. Also, I live very rurally but can name three places sex workers work out of within 10 miles of my house (I play a sport with a couple of police officers who love to gossip).