I need you help being a detective to save my sanity

[Stillwearingskinnys]

Hi all,

I would really really appreciate your advice if you can help.

I have recently found out my long term partner has debt I was not aware of. It is not the first time this has happened.

I am really worried there are more lies and I would like to do some digging but unsure how to go around it.

Things that make me uneasy:

He has his phone on his 24/7
Uses PayPal - not sure if this matters
Takes hundreds out in cash with not much of an explanation as to why
Moves money from one current account to the other, then back again in the same day
stays up at bedtime until 1am every night, weekends about 3.30
Just found out he takes days off work, parks up in a lay-by for 10 hours a day sleeping and watching Netflix

I think if I knew what I was looking for on his phone I would find something. It’s like my gut instinct is telling me there is. He of course is apologetic and swears I know everything…

Please help!

@MattTebbuttsDenimShirt The OP mentions Oculus in one of her posts, as do other posters??

I know, that's why I bothered to Google it for her.

I'm not a mind reader.

??

It is absolutely gambling. Always on his phone chasing his loses until all hours in the morning. Cash withdrawals for the bookies.

Everyone's always quick to say Coke addiction. You say he's always tired. If he had a Coke habit that wouldn't happen.

As for the Russian women emails it's just junk email spam.

Also, accessing a credit report that isn't your own is fraud. So don't listen to others telling you to do this. Even if you're married you can't do this.

I’m afraid this sounds a lot like my ex, who was a gambling addict and was caught up in cryptocurrency, and trading, and eventually went far far off the deep end into a financial nightmare.

it would be a good idea to start getting your ducks in a row and save yourself and your kids.

It would be wiser to concentrate on sorting out yours & your 3 D.C. lives to move on without him.

look at how you will survive as a single parent, what benefits you’d be entitled, child care for working etc

also putting money aside for you and the dc

whilst your doing that put an iPhone in his car and check your Experian credit rating

Defo gambling op

I have an Occulus and it's a virtual reality headset. The tech is owned by Meta/Facebook and if you buy games etc, you can use PayPal as a payment method. If there's a lot of PayPal purchases then I would guess he's playing casino games/gambling.

It sounds as though he's in a lot of money trouble and you might have to force a conversation/intervention and see if he will admit the problem. The only way you can know how bad it is, is if he gives you access to his accounts/phone and also allows you to see his credit report. Once you know the full scale of it, you can then decide your next steps.

However if he's shifty and secretive, chances are he's not going to own up, in which case that's a different/additional problem.