New Man - feel weird and awkward after last night.

[EasterEggs22]

Morning all. I’ve been following the relationships board for a while now and have seen some great advice given to others, so I’m hoping you can all help me too. Hopefully this makes sense..

I recently started seeing/meeting up with a man that I met off tinder around a month ago. Very early days I know. For context, I’m 26 and he’s 32, no kids and both work full time. We’ve met around 9-10 times at various locations for walks, food and coffee dates (last night was the first time at my house) as we live over an hour away from each other, but both of us drive so it’s not really an issue. We get on very well, have lots in common, he makes me laugh, seems really kind and sweet (last night he turned up with a bunch of flowers and an Easter egg in hand). I do like him and have enjoyed spending time with him over the last few weeks.

Last night didn’t go to plan at all and I’ve woken up this morning feeling really disappointed about it. He was working until 1pm and then decided to go and play golf with a friend for a few hours afterwards. He didn’t actually get to my house until 8pm. I’d gone out to the shops and bought us some bits to have for tea, so I was just waiting around for him. By the time he arrived it was too late to actually do anything other than have food and watch a film. I wrongly presumed that he was staying the night as he didn’t arrive until late, had a long drive back and also brought a bag filled with clothes. We went up to bed around 10 and had sex for the first time. For context, I’m not on any contraceptives at the minute as I’ve been single for 3 years and haven’t had sex in over a year, so I bought some condoms yesterday just in case.

I explained this to him before we started having sex and he put a condom on. We got a bit carried away and (sorry, TMI) he took the condom off in between us having sex so I could give him a blowjob but we stupidly forgot/didn’t put the condom back on to have sex again. He pulled out to ejaculate, but I know that there is pre ejaculation to consider. He was in a panic straight afterwards, saying he was worried I might get pregnant, he’s not ready for kids yet. I told him I would buy the morning after pill (ordered it online in front of him) and said try not to worry. He told me that he’d dated/slept with women in the past who lied and said they were pregnant just to keep the relationship going, so he was worried it might happen again (I won’t lie, this comment pissed me off because it felt like he was accusing me of doing something like that). For context, I don’t want kids yet either. I actually became pregnant when I was 15 with my first boyfriend and suffered a miscarriage at 12 weeks. It changed my life and I’ve always said I don’t want kids until I’ve met the right person/been with them a long time. Even though this is very personal to me and I don’t talk about it very often, if ever, I told him as I thought it might reassure him that I don’t want children yet and that I’m not out to trap him with a baby or whatever he was thinking. This wasn’t good enough though as he just kept going on about it all night, even though I’d done everything I could (ordering the pill) in that moment.

Anyway, the rest of the night was so bloody awkward. We just lay in bed watching tv, barely spoke a word to each other, other than him asking me about when the shop would be open again so I could pick up the pill. He didn’t even touch me/cuddle me after sex, and then announced at 11 that he was going home as he needed to be up early the next morning to visit his cousin. I told him he could stay over and just get up earlier if that was easier but he said he didn’t want to wake me up really early. I think that was an excuse though just so he could get out. I’ve woken up this morning to an email from the doctor at Superdrug authorising the order but it won’t be available until Tuesday to collect. I naively thought it would be ready by tomorrow, and I’m due to go away tomorrow night for work and won’t be back until late Tuesday evening, so I have sent a message to the doctor explaining all of this. The only thing I can do is go in there tomorrow to see if I can speak to someone, and maybe try Boots as well.

I’ve told him all of this, and we have been speaking as normal today but it still feels really awkward. It’s not the way I thought the night would go, especially since it was our first time having sex. But I do understand his worries. I wonder if he feels awkward too. I’m also concerned that every time we’ve met up it’s always been during the evening for a few hours. Not that I think he’s after me for just sex, because we’ve spent time doing other things too, but he always goes out with his friends after work and then meets me in the evening for a few hours. Today he’s gone out with his friend, and tomorrow he’s decided to take an extra shift at work, and didn’t bother to ask me what I was doing/or if I wanted to do anything with him. I’ve only just noticed this because I normally work until 5pm, so meeting up at night has worked really well for us so far, but I’ve been off work this week and it’s been the same thing. I’m worried it will be like this on weekends, and I don’t want a relationship where we just see each other for a few hours at night. I want to go out and do things together during the day as well. He has been really trying this morning to keep the conversation going, but I’m worried he’s just doing that until I get the pill and then he’s going to end things. Should I get in there first and let him know I don’t think it’s going to work out, but will obviously let him know when I’ve collected and taken the tablet? I do really like him, and feel so disappointed it’s ended up like this.

Sorry, this thread is a lot longer than I expected but I didn’t want to drip feed and there are a few issues to think about.

TIA

I'm hoping the OP will come back with an update on what actually happened next and if she's had any further contact with the bloke and how he's now responding to her. I hope she's ok, having taken the MAP.

Going by the frightening statistics presented on this thread, the OP probably dropped dead right outside the pharmacy as soon as her hand touched the MAP packet.

@monsteramunch I think a more interesting question would be how many women have been taught to do the jobs you mention. Men are not born with innate building and plumbing skills.

A ‘dangerous’ pill?

@Fantasmagoricalan I had a really bad reaction to hormone tablets once (pseudotumour cerebri.) I was in hospital for several days for tests as it mimics a brain tumour and can cause lasting vision damage.

I think blood clots is the main severe risk though, including strokes and heart attacks. https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/combined-contraceptive-pill/ They can be pretty bad/lethal. I've not personally heard of someone getting one from the Pill though.

Ah ok dangers of the MAP. I wouldn't know about that, but I've taken it once or twice and having to do so is always kind of weird psychologically.

Like, proof you're in a relationship that's a dead end maybe.

A relationship can be great but you just don’t want a baby right now.

I'm NOT bragging, but pregnancy and disease was so important to me to avoid that I carried and put them on the bloke - then checked regularly that it hadn't come off. Just seemed like sense to me. Still use them with long term partner as I don't need an old age pregnancy when I've avoided one this long.

@CaptainCorellisBagpipes
Not much information exists about Roman women in the first century. Women were not allowed to be active in politics, so nobody wrote about them. Neither were they taught how to write, so they could not tell their own stories.

In 'I, Claudius' the author (although it is translated) speaks about his mother who was effectively the wielder of all the power but essentially had to rule from behind her husband but still managed this after his death. She was not a very nice woman but you probably couldn't be and still retain power at that time. It's a good read and so is the sequel.

One night stands * are great for shagging without all the baggage that you otherwise have to deal will. Also called having SEX for those that need to hear that specific word.
*with condoms put on by the woman and consistantly checked during the penetration bit

Did you actually read what you’ve written before you hit post?

Thank you for reminding me. I do now remember the part of "running all over town" and will take your word on the rest. Sorry. I don't expect you to believe me, but if I asked you to type out my whole post which was deleted, I'm sure you'd fail at remembering every word. I only wrote it, and then it was gone.

My error was in not taking your word for it the first time. But I guess I don't know you very well.

Anyhow, I didn't know that my post was deleted for that reason, the "dangerous" word. The moderators didn't give a reason.

The OP could have died of old age vs the vanishingly small risks of the MAP while all the bickering is going on here.

Classic Mumsnet 😂

Hope you are okay OP.

Laughed out loud there 🤣 😂 it's comedy gold the replies from a certain member x

You need to be careful trusting pharmaceutical companies and do thorough research.
😂😂😂

@ilikeyarn go on, amaze us.
Tell us all about how your "research" trumps the multi-million pound investment in R&D, led by qualified, experienced & peer-reviewed scientists, that pharma companies invest in?

Yes.

I'm sitting in my friend's restored 18th century gaff right now, housesitting her smallholding. Not only did she boss the entire conversion, she laid the underfloor heating herself, laid all the flooring (with her husband labouring to her), drove & operated the diggers cutting out a new driveway, & laid the new decking herself.

She hired an electrician (male) & a plumber (female).

I have female friends who are respectively - a carpenter, a blacksmith, a brickie, a farmer & a large animal vet.

I'm genuinely puzzled (& somewhat aghast for you) that you find any of this outlandish. But I expect you don't get out much.
You're only allowed supervised food shopping trips as your social outlet in Gilead, after all.

Just unreal, isn’t it? I chop down my own trees, I have rebuilt my 60s classic car, I laid a flagstone floor and climbed into the walls of my house to fix my plumbing after a guest blew a pipe, I restored my oak table, built my child’s bed, from scratch, reseeded and re-pastured 26 acres of grazing land, own a tractor… all a bit outing really.

All that and I don’t even own a penis. Imagine. It’s remarkable my ditzy little lady brain and vulva didn’t hinder my progress.

I imagine certain posters bigots would like to picture me as a strapping lesbian but I’m very small and even own handbags and get my hair done and things. Gosh.

This is the second thread this week which I have been on which has been full of women know your place, no sex before marriage, your career isn't as important as your husbands etc, with a splash of religion to keep a woman down thrown in

It's just depressing

It's rife. As is posters rocking up on threads where a poster is suffering at the hands of some 'D'H who is treating her appallingly and gaslighting the OP and minimizing what she is going through, plus quite often victim-blaming thrown in.
I think there are far too many trolls on here now, many of whom are men. MN is gradually unfit for purpose. I suspect, no evidence of course, that some threads are shared on whatever forums these MRAs and incels inhabit as often you get several suspect posters popping up and all saying the same sort of thing on a particular thread.
I've tried reporting people like this but MN often just says they can't see anything wrong there and that people have a right to their opinion. Of course, people have a right to an opinion, but that stops at the point where they deliberately post to bring women down and push their own narrative.

Ha ha......reminds me of the supposed 'hurricane' in the late '80's and my 4ft 10 mother logging up an entire 200ft tree with a petrol chainsaw........I think the neighbours saw her in a slightly different light, but more importantly her 3 daughters were all bought up with this attitude of being capable of doing whatever you put your mind to

@CallintheClownies unfortunately it is correct. Direct quote from the NHS website ‘Both Levonelle and ellaOne are effective only if taken before the release of an egg from the ovary (ovulation). The sooner you take Levonelle or ellaOne, the more effective it will be.’ Levonelle and ellaOne are the brand names for the morning after pill. Here’s the link to the NHS document https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/how-effective-emergency-contraception/

Maybe worth checking your facts next time before rudely belittling a poster who was sharing valuable and little known information.

Yup, no typos