New Man - feel weird and awkward after last night.

[EasterEggs22]

Morning all. I’ve been following the relationships board for a while now and have seen some great advice given to others, so I’m hoping you can all help me too. Hopefully this makes sense..

I recently started seeing/meeting up with a man that I met off tinder around a month ago. Very early days I know. For context, I’m 26 and he’s 32, no kids and both work full time. We’ve met around 9-10 times at various locations for walks, food and coffee dates (last night was the first time at my house) as we live over an hour away from each other, but both of us drive so it’s not really an issue. We get on very well, have lots in common, he makes me laugh, seems really kind and sweet (last night he turned up with a bunch of flowers and an Easter egg in hand). I do like him and have enjoyed spending time with him over the last few weeks.

Last night didn’t go to plan at all and I’ve woken up this morning feeling really disappointed about it. He was working until 1pm and then decided to go and play golf with a friend for a few hours afterwards. He didn’t actually get to my house until 8pm. I’d gone out to the shops and bought us some bits to have for tea, so I was just waiting around for him. By the time he arrived it was too late to actually do anything other than have food and watch a film. I wrongly presumed that he was staying the night as he didn’t arrive until late, had a long drive back and also brought a bag filled with clothes. We went up to bed around 10 and had sex for the first time. For context, I’m not on any contraceptives at the minute as I’ve been single for 3 years and haven’t had sex in over a year, so I bought some condoms yesterday just in case.

I explained this to him before we started having sex and he put a condom on. We got a bit carried away and (sorry, TMI) he took the condom off in between us having sex so I could give him a blowjob but we stupidly forgot/didn’t put the condom back on to have sex again. He pulled out to ejaculate, but I know that there is pre ejaculation to consider. He was in a panic straight afterwards, saying he was worried I might get pregnant, he’s not ready for kids yet. I told him I would buy the morning after pill (ordered it online in front of him) and said try not to worry. He told me that he’d dated/slept with women in the past who lied and said they were pregnant just to keep the relationship going, so he was worried it might happen again (I won’t lie, this comment pissed me off because it felt like he was accusing me of doing something like that). For context, I don’t want kids yet either. I actually became pregnant when I was 15 with my first boyfriend and suffered a miscarriage at 12 weeks. It changed my life and I’ve always said I don’t want kids until I’ve met the right person/been with them a long time. Even though this is very personal to me and I don’t talk about it very often, if ever, I told him as I thought it might reassure him that I don’t want children yet and that I’m not out to trap him with a baby or whatever he was thinking. This wasn’t good enough though as he just kept going on about it all night, even though I’d done everything I could (ordering the pill) in that moment.

Anyway, the rest of the night was so bloody awkward. We just lay in bed watching tv, barely spoke a word to each other, other than him asking me about when the shop would be open again so I could pick up the pill. He didn’t even touch me/cuddle me after sex, and then announced at 11 that he was going home as he needed to be up early the next morning to visit his cousin. I told him he could stay over and just get up earlier if that was easier but he said he didn’t want to wake me up really early. I think that was an excuse though just so he could get out. I’ve woken up this morning to an email from the doctor at Superdrug authorising the order but it won’t be available until Tuesday to collect. I naively thought it would be ready by tomorrow, and I’m due to go away tomorrow night for work and won’t be back until late Tuesday evening, so I have sent a message to the doctor explaining all of this. The only thing I can do is go in there tomorrow to see if I can speak to someone, and maybe try Boots as well.

I’ve told him all of this, and we have been speaking as normal today but it still feels really awkward. It’s not the way I thought the night would go, especially since it was our first time having sex. But I do understand his worries. I wonder if he feels awkward too. I’m also concerned that every time we’ve met up it’s always been during the evening for a few hours. Not that I think he’s after me for just sex, because we’ve spent time doing other things too, but he always goes out with his friends after work and then meets me in the evening for a few hours. Today he’s gone out with his friend, and tomorrow he’s decided to take an extra shift at work, and didn’t bother to ask me what I was doing/or if I wanted to do anything with him. I’ve only just noticed this because I normally work until 5pm, so meeting up at night has worked really well for us so far, but I’ve been off work this week and it’s been the same thing. I’m worried it will be like this on weekends, and I don’t want a relationship where we just see each other for a few hours at night. I want to go out and do things together during the day as well. He has been really trying this morning to keep the conversation going, but I’m worried he’s just doing that until I get the pill and then he’s going to end things. Should I get in there first and let him know I don’t think it’s going to work out, but will obviously let him know when I’ve collected and taken the tablet? I do really like him, and feel so disappointed it’s ended up like this.

Sorry, this thread is a lot longer than I expected but I didn’t want to drip feed and there are a few issues to think about.

TIA

while maintaining a stance that you know what's best for half the population

Please don't put words in my mouth. I never said that. If you can't debate without misquoting me that says a lot about your integrity.

& that women are unable to have autonomous, mutually satisfying sexual relationships without falling helplessly in love?

I'm not sure what you mean by 'helplessly'

I have given my experience and my opinion which I am entitled to do. It may well differ from yours - that doesn't mean it isn't valid..

I didn't read the full thread but from your post it seems like he is a total prick. Completely self absorbed. He rocks up at 8pm, stays for a shag and fucks off again. Nah, get him to fuck. Block and move on. And get an sti test, he's told you he's been with multiple girls that have faked pregnancy, therefore he's been lack with the conforms. Yuck.
Nice to know how he would behave if there was an unplanned pregnancy. To fuck he goes.

Can we make a plea for civility please - the views of ALL our users are valid and we'd discourage anyone from closing others down when it comes to expressing personal views.

We hear you, but it’s difficult to stomach some of the backwards insanity on women’s sexuality that is being spouted on here.

I appreciate everyone should be mindful of their tone. But just to clarify, saying "actually some of us are capable of the thing you say literally none of us are capable of" isn't shutting someone down, it's letting them know that their opinion is factually incorrect.

Making a blanket, generalised statement about what women as an entire sex class are capable of (whatever topic that's in relation to) on Mumsnet, to an audience predominantly made up of women, should come with an expectation of being robustly challenged by said women tbh.

I'd argue that perpetuating misogynist views is not valid and should not be allowed - but that's a discussion for Mumsnet to have outwith this thread, both at HQ and among the MN community. (I've not been part of the back and forth I assume you're responding to).

What you seem to be missing is that others are speaking from their experience also.

it’s very telling that you demand your experience to be taken as fact while telling everyone else theirs is wrong or abnormal.

Very good point. There’s no way him not putting the condom on was accidental if he has had that many brushes with unplanned pregnancy. He doesn’t care about women in general.

By sane, I mean able to bear dissenting opinions.

Hey Op hope you're not still queuing

There's a couple of things to mention but firstly I'm guessing after this you won't be forgetting condoms again even in the heat of the moment.

You can't predict if he's going to finish it now, but if he doesn't do you really want to carry on? He clearly didn't learn from his previous experience.

I think you were expecting too much for him to fill your bank holiday, the fact the short late night dates were fine when you were working but now you're off what are you meant to do comment suggests you are expecting a lot from him very quickly. What would you normally have done on a BH being single?

It's still early days and you don't know this person yet.

A ‘dangerous’ pill? You are spouting misogynistic , judgmental and now damaging nonsense.

Ate you against contraceptives generally? Sounds like it.

You are denying other women’s lived experiences as wrong and immoral and promiscuous, because it doesn’t align with your ‘righteous’ ones.

The way you speak about women is frankly horrifying (“daddy kicked asunder”, “mother’s new mates”???) and is offensive and backwards.

I am offended by very little, but your posts are managing it.

Wtf

Just wait until you read some of the later posts. We go from the sublime to the ridiculous.

From “don’t offend poor men with yummy condoms”, to “don’t have sec with men outside of a holy union of marriage, you promiscuous w.”

Paraphrased but not inaccurate.

Eww. Yukky, obvs, not yummy. 🤢

He’s married

Well his reaction was the worst part of the situation for you and then the depressing chemist line probably took over on that but then, no worries, a load of bickering on this thread wiped all that out and probably took first place for annoyance 🤷‍♀️

Wait, so if a person writes that children are impacted by their parents' behaviours, you get cancelled on this thread?

But you can call somebody a loon, use the f word freely, accuse people of being things they are not?

I expected to be debated but certainly not to have my post deleted. But that's the tactic of the left: insult, then cancel the view.

You will keep going around in circles, I guess?

Interesting.
Earlier on in the thread you called PP Liberals.
Now they are apparently Lefties.

How would you know?
Are you an MI5 spook, keeping tabs on people's political persuasions?

I imagine your post was deleted for misogyny. HTH

@YetMoreNewBeginnings it’s very telling that you demand your experience to be taken as fact while telling everyone else theirs is wrong or abnormal.

It's not 'telling' anything because I never said that at all.

I suspect it was because you called the Morning After Pill ‘dangerous’. Horrible misinformation.

Oh wow. Have time on my hands on the train and I ASed our righteous friend above. A cardinal sin, I know, but her posts have been misogynistic and offensive.

She actually wrote this on another thread:

I would just accept our limitations as women and be glad to rely on men.

Maybe not dangerous per se, but not without side effects -

There are no serious side effects, but some women may experience:

• Stomach ache
• Nausea
• Vomiting
• Tiredness
• Headache
• Dizziness
• Irregular menstrual bleeding

You get all those with an unwanted pregnancy too. I know which one I’d choose.