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Original poster

New Man - feel weird and awkward after last night.

557 replies

EasterEggs22 · 09/04/2023 12:52

Morning all. I’ve been following the relationships board for a while now and have seen some great advice given to others, so I’m hoping you can all help me too. Hopefully this makes sense..

I recently started seeing/meeting up with a man that I met off tinder around a month ago. Very early days I know. For context, I’m 26 and he’s 32, no kids and both work full time. We’ve met around 9-10 times at various locations for walks, food and coffee dates (last night was the first time at my house) as we live over an hour away from each other, but both of us drive so it’s not really an issue. We get on very well, have lots in common, he makes me laugh, seems really kind and sweet (last night he turned up with a bunch of flowers and an Easter egg in hand). I do like him and have enjoyed spending time with him over the last few weeks.

Last night didn’t go to plan at all and I’ve woken up this morning feeling really disappointed about it. He was working until 1pm and then decided to go and play golf with a friend for a few hours afterwards. He didn’t actually get to my house until 8pm. I’d gone out to the shops and bought us some bits to have for tea, so I was just waiting around for him. By the time he arrived it was too late to actually do anything other than have food and watch a film. I wrongly presumed that he was staying the night as he didn’t arrive until late, had a long drive back and also brought a bag filled with clothes. We went up to bed around 10 and had sex for the first time. For context, I’m not on any contraceptives at the minute as I’ve been single for 3 years and haven’t had sex in over a year, so I bought some condoms yesterday just in case.

I explained this to him before we started having sex and he put a condom on. We got a bit carried away and (sorry, TMI) he took the condom off in between us having sex so I could give him a blowjob but we stupidly forgot/didn’t put the condom back on to have sex again. He pulled out to ejaculate, but I know that there is pre ejaculation to consider. He was in a panic straight afterwards, saying he was worried I might get pregnant, he’s not ready for kids yet. I told him I would buy the morning after pill (ordered it online in front of him) and said try not to worry. He told me that he’d dated/slept with women in the past who lied and said they were pregnant just to keep the relationship going, so he was worried it might happen again (I won’t lie, this comment pissed me off because it felt like he was accusing me of doing something like that). For context, I don’t want kids yet either. I actually became pregnant when I was 15 with my first boyfriend and suffered a miscarriage at 12 weeks. It changed my life and I’ve always said I don’t want kids until I’ve met the right person/been with them a long time. Even though this is very personal to me and I don’t talk about it very often, if ever, I told him as I thought it might reassure him that I don’t want children yet and that I’m not out to trap him with a baby or whatever he was thinking. This wasn’t good enough though as he just kept going on about it all night, even though I’d done everything I could (ordering the pill) in that moment.

Anyway, the rest of the night was so bloody awkward. We just lay in bed watching tv, barely spoke a word to each other, other than him asking me about when the shop would be open again so I could pick up the pill. He didn’t even touch me/cuddle me after sex, and then announced at 11 that he was going home as he needed to be up early the next morning to visit his cousin. I told him he could stay over and just get up earlier if that was easier but he said he didn’t want to wake me up really early. I think that was an excuse though just so he could get out. I’ve woken up this morning to an email from the doctor at Superdrug authorising the order but it won’t be available until Tuesday to collect. I naively thought it would be ready by tomorrow, and I’m due to go away tomorrow night for work and won’t be back until late Tuesday evening, so I have sent a message to the doctor explaining all of this. The only thing I can do is go in there tomorrow to see if I can speak to someone, and maybe try Boots as well.

I’ve told him all of this, and we have been speaking as normal today but it still feels really awkward. It’s not the way I thought the night would go, especially since it was our first time having sex. But I do understand his worries. I wonder if he feels awkward too. I’m also concerned that every time we’ve met up it’s always been during the evening for a few hours. Not that I think he’s after me for just sex, because we’ve spent time doing other things too, but he always goes out with his friends after work and then meets me in the evening for a few hours. Today he’s gone out with his friend, and tomorrow he’s decided to take an extra shift at work, and didn’t bother to ask me what I was doing/or if I wanted to do anything with him. I’ve only just noticed this because I normally work until 5pm, so meeting up at night has worked really well for us so far, but I’ve been off work this week and it’s been the same thing. I’m worried it will be like this on weekends, and I don’t want a relationship where we just see each other for a few hours at night. I want to go out and do things together during the day as well. He has been really trying this morning to keep the conversation going, but I’m worried he’s just doing that until I get the pill and then he’s going to end things. Should I get in there first and let him know I don’t think it’s going to work out, but will obviously let him know when I’ve collected and taken the tablet? I do really like him, and feel so disappointed it’s ended up like this.

Sorry, this thread is a lot longer than I expected but I didn’t want to drip feed and there are a few issues to think about.

TIA

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
Eyesopenwideawake · 09/04/2023 12:58

I think you should tell him what you've write here - that it's been incredibly awkward for both of you, especially so soon after meeting, and that you hope that you (both) can get through this?

valadon68 · 09/04/2023 13:00

How disappointing for you, sending sympathy, OP. In my view he's shown himself to be someone who can turn totally self-absorbed in a stressful situation. So could be a fun FWB situation if you didn't have feelings for him, but no good for a serious partnership, at least until he grows up a bit. How could you relax in the knowledge that he's reliable and steady when the chips are down? I would end it, to be honest.

Parroteets · 09/04/2023 13:01

Its all a bit of a mess isn't it. I feel for you as that awkward feeling after sex isn't pleasant and combined with having to get the MAP, must be horrid.

On a practical note I would also get an STI check asap.

I honestly think that you need to take a step backwards and focus one hundred percent on yourself and what you want. Try and sort out the MAP issue/go into a pharmacy tomorrow.

It doesn't sound as if you are a priority for this man and certainly doesn't sound as if you're both on the same page. I would personally prioritise your health and then end things. I doubt he'll be as available now as he was before and things will probably fizzle out. Take control and end it.

Seaoftroubles · 09/04/2023 13:02

Sorry but he should have made sure he put the condom back on if he's that anxious about you getting pregnant!

flowagurl · 09/04/2023 13:04

He sounds horrid. I’m so sorry you had to spend so much time with him before you found this out💕

Get your pill and move on. If you do end up pregnant please don’t let him dictate what you do. Make your own choices. But cross that bridge when/ if it comes (no pun intended)

Have some Easter eggs and alcohol and a good cry. Do not waste anymore time with this idiot!!!

Dontbelieveaword · 09/04/2023 13:05

So, him having a life outside of your 'relationship' has been OK up to now because it fitted in with your lifestyle, but now you've got a free weekend/no plans, you expect him to drop everything and make himself available?

And it's ridiculous to suggest you 'didn't remember' to put condom back on.

And why can't you just go to a chemist now to get the morning after pill, why do you have to wait until Monday or Tuesday? There will be a chemist open somewhere, regardless of it bring Easter Sunday. Is this just to drag out the drama with him

Viviennemary · 09/04/2023 13:07

Not surprised. What a disaster. If you were intending to have sex you should have gone on the pill. Buying condoms probably turned him off. But it's early days yet to be spending bank holidays together. It could work out. I wouldnt end things yet if you like him a lot. See how it goes. But dont expect too much in view of what you have said.

HerodAntipasti · 09/04/2023 13:07

Look for a pharmacy that’s open today, get MAP sorted so you do t have to think about it anymore.

And bin this guy off, he sounds awful.

NemoandDoris · 09/04/2023 13:08

Hmm, I could possibly forgive the condom\contraception 'issue' etc but he does not have your best interests at heart. He behaved badly afterwards by being so cold and unfeeling, it really was just all about him. Either he is incredibly inexperienced or just plain immature (most likely). He essentially messed up ,bolted and is trying to ensure nothing sticks to him and that you don't get pregnant.

Suggest you move on and leave this one to his own devices. Stop communicating and let him go.

Thekormachameleon · 09/04/2023 13:11

Viviennemary · 09/04/2023 13:07

Not surprised. What a disaster. If you were intending to have sex you should have gone on the pill. Buying condoms probably turned him off. But it's early days yet to be spending bank holidays together. It could work out. I wouldnt end things yet if you like him a lot. See how it goes. But dont expect too much in view of what you have said.

Buying condoms probably turned him off ??
Sorry what ? As a grown man having sex with a new partner, condoms should be standard

StormiDayz · 09/04/2023 13:13

Seaoftroubles · 09/04/2023 13:02

Sorry but he should have made sure he put the condom back on if he's that anxious about you getting pregnant!

Was going to say exactly this. And even if you didn't take the morning after pill, there's nothing he can do about it. I hope you get yourself sorted out as soon as possible. I'd end it with him and I wouldn't bother getting in touch to tell him when you've taken the pill unless he asks.

HiImTheProblemItsMe · 09/04/2023 13:15

If he's so panicked about having a baby, he should take meticulous care with contraception. He sounds like an immature arsehole. I highly doubt he's that much of a catch that women are desperately attempting to get impregnated by him in order to "keep" him. I'd actually call it quits now - no need to make it confrontational or horrible, just a "this isn't working out for me, all the best" text. As pp have said - there should be an emergency pharmacy open somewhere so have a Google and see if you can get sorted today.

StormiDayz · 09/04/2023 13:16

Viviennemary · 09/04/2023 13:07

Not surprised. What a disaster. If you were intending to have sex you should have gone on the pill. Buying condoms probably turned him off. But it's early days yet to be spending bank holidays together. It could work out. I wouldnt end things yet if you like him a lot. See how it goes. But dont expect too much in view of what you have said.

It's not up to some random man to decide whether she goes on hormonal contraception or not. It doesn't work for everyone and should be a considered choice. Condoms protect against STIs too, not just pregnancy.

Changingplace · 09/04/2023 13:18

Viviennemary · 09/04/2023 13:07

Not surprised. What a disaster. If you were intending to have sex you should have gone on the pill. Buying condoms probably turned him off. But it's early days yet to be spending bank holidays together. It could work out. I wouldnt end things yet if you like him a lot. See how it goes. But dont expect too much in view of what you have said.

The pill doesn’t protect from STIs.

TomatoSandwiches · 09/04/2023 13:18

Phone 111, they will let you know where you can pick up the MAP, get it done ans over with and frankly I wouldn't want to ever see this man again.

Changingplace · 09/04/2023 13:20

If he was that concerned about unexpected pregnancy he should’ve taken more responsibility to put a condom back on, the way he’s turned this into your issue is really unattractive, this whole situation would put me off him tbh.

Original poster
EasterEggs22 · 09/04/2023 13:20

Thank you for your replies, really appreciate it.
In no way, shape or form am I trying to drag out "the drama" with him. I'm actually really disappointed it's ended up like this as we were having a great time and I was enjoying getting to know him. The pharmacies/large shops by me are all shut until tomorrow. I have no idea which ones in other areas will be open, so I'd literally have to drive around various locations looking for one that's open. That could be anywhere. I ordered it last night thinking it would be ready to collect by tomorrow and as you can take it up 72 hours after unprotected sex, along with the fact he didn't actually ejaculate inside me, I thought it would be okay. I don't want children myself, so I'm really not trying to drag anything out or try and get pregnant.

Like I said, I haven't had sex in over a year so I've really had no reason to take any contraceptives up until this point. I didn't know if this would progress to sex as I've met up with people off tinder before and it's never gone any further than a first date. I'm not sure why buying condoms would put a man off, but okay.

I also don't expect him to drop everything, but long term spending a few hours together a couple nights a week isn't ideal imo.

OP posts:
Original poster
EasterEggs22 · 09/04/2023 13:21

TomatoSandwiches · 09/04/2023 13:18

Phone 111, they will let you know where you can pick up the MAP, get it done ans over with and frankly I wouldn't want to ever see this man again.

Thank you. I didn't know that, I will phone them now. Thank you

OP posts:
inamarina · 09/04/2023 13:24

Viviennemary · 09/04/2023 13:07

Not surprised. What a disaster. If you were intending to have sex you should have gone on the pill. Buying condoms probably turned him off. But it's early days yet to be spending bank holidays together. It could work out. I wouldnt end things yet if you like him a lot. See how it goes. But dont expect too much in view of what you have said.

What a strange comment. Condoms turned him off? As PP said, condoms should be standard with a new partner. Plus, not all women take the pill, even in longer relationship.

Snoopsnoggysnog · 09/04/2023 13:25

Viviennemary · 09/04/2023 13:07

Not surprised. What a disaster. If you were intending to have sex you should have gone on the pill. Buying condoms probably turned him off. But it's early days yet to be spending bank holidays together. It could work out. I wouldnt end things yet if you like him a lot. See how it goes. But dont expect too much in view of what you have said.

What the hell?

Suetcrust · 09/04/2023 13:26

THIS:
” Sea of troubles Today 13:02
Sorry but he should have made sure he put the condom back on if he's that anxious about you getting pregnant!”

Also, I’d dump him. Fancy turning up at 8pm, leaving it so late! That is so rude. You know now where you come in the pecking order.

Your schedules don’t fit well and frankly he sounds self absorbed. Put it down to experience and dump him before you think he might dump you.

I hope all is well for you and that the MAP works.

CovertImage · 09/04/2023 13:28

I hope you manage to sort out the MAP but I do think you've both been bloody idiots though. Forgetting to put the condom on indeed!

intotalfreefall · 09/04/2023 13:29

Not all women can use hormonal contraceptives and she was upfront about not being on any with him.

If you're a man who doesn't want to have children, I don't understand how you can 'forget' you're not wearing a condom.

I think this guy's reaction was hugely unattractive. The OP doesn't randomly want a baby right now, so he could have shared the worry with her. He could have helped her research which pharmacies were open today.

Instead, he went on a rant about women, he implied the OP was out to trap him and he treated her like she was the villain in this story. He's the one who put his penis inside her. What, no responsibility should be attributed to him?

I think even for a casual boyfriend you want some support from the other person when things aren't going well. He provided minus support in a situation of his own creation. Is this really someone you want to share your life with when you're going through serious shit? Because, sooner or later, we all go through some serious shit. And in those times, you want someone around who makes it better - even just a little - not someone who makes it a million times worse.

Darkernights · 09/04/2023 13:30

God he’s an utter self absorbed selfish aresehe from start to finish. Basically leaves to waiting for him, rocks up led to be fed and get a shag, can’t take responsibility for contraception then shifts blames/ responsibility for soothing his feelings onto you.

Thank dear God he showed you who he is so early. Dump this arsehole.

Unless you want to spend your life waiting on and attending to a man who has scant regard for you, in which case carry on.

JockSmashnova · 09/04/2023 13:30

I have no idea which ones in other areas will be open, so I'd literally have to drive around various locations looking for one that's open. That could be anywhere.

just Google ‘pharmacist open near me today‘ …

(not being smug, just I have form for forgetting to pick up vital medication before a bank holiday)