New Man - feel weird and awkward after last night.

[EasterEggs22]

Morning all. I’ve been following the relationships board for a while now and have seen some great advice given to others, so I’m hoping you can all help me too. Hopefully this makes sense..

I recently started seeing/meeting up with a man that I met off tinder around a month ago. Very early days I know. For context, I’m 26 and he’s 32, no kids and both work full time. We’ve met around 9-10 times at various locations for walks, food and coffee dates (last night was the first time at my house) as we live over an hour away from each other, but both of us drive so it’s not really an issue. We get on very well, have lots in common, he makes me laugh, seems really kind and sweet (last night he turned up with a bunch of flowers and an Easter egg in hand). I do like him and have enjoyed spending time with him over the last few weeks.

Last night didn’t go to plan at all and I’ve woken up this morning feeling really disappointed about it. He was working until 1pm and then decided to go and play golf with a friend for a few hours afterwards. He didn’t actually get to my house until 8pm. I’d gone out to the shops and bought us some bits to have for tea, so I was just waiting around for him. By the time he arrived it was too late to actually do anything other than have food and watch a film. I wrongly presumed that he was staying the night as he didn’t arrive until late, had a long drive back and also brought a bag filled with clothes. We went up to bed around 10 and had sex for the first time. For context, I’m not on any contraceptives at the minute as I’ve been single for 3 years and haven’t had sex in over a year, so I bought some condoms yesterday just in case.

I explained this to him before we started having sex and he put a condom on. We got a bit carried away and (sorry, TMI) he took the condom off in between us having sex so I could give him a blowjob but we stupidly forgot/didn’t put the condom back on to have sex again. He pulled out to ejaculate, but I know that there is pre ejaculation to consider. He was in a panic straight afterwards, saying he was worried I might get pregnant, he’s not ready for kids yet. I told him I would buy the morning after pill (ordered it online in front of him) and said try not to worry. He told me that he’d dated/slept with women in the past who lied and said they were pregnant just to keep the relationship going, so he was worried it might happen again (I won’t lie, this comment pissed me off because it felt like he was accusing me of doing something like that). For context, I don’t want kids yet either. I actually became pregnant when I was 15 with my first boyfriend and suffered a miscarriage at 12 weeks. It changed my life and I’ve always said I don’t want kids until I’ve met the right person/been with them a long time. Even though this is very personal to me and I don’t talk about it very often, if ever, I told him as I thought it might reassure him that I don’t want children yet and that I’m not out to trap him with a baby or whatever he was thinking. This wasn’t good enough though as he just kept going on about it all night, even though I’d done everything I could (ordering the pill) in that moment.

Anyway, the rest of the night was so bloody awkward. We just lay in bed watching tv, barely spoke a word to each other, other than him asking me about when the shop would be open again so I could pick up the pill. He didn’t even touch me/cuddle me after sex, and then announced at 11 that he was going home as he needed to be up early the next morning to visit his cousin. I told him he could stay over and just get up earlier if that was easier but he said he didn’t want to wake me up really early. I think that was an excuse though just so he could get out. I’ve woken up this morning to an email from the doctor at Superdrug authorising the order but it won’t be available until Tuesday to collect. I naively thought it would be ready by tomorrow, and I’m due to go away tomorrow night for work and won’t be back until late Tuesday evening, so I have sent a message to the doctor explaining all of this. The only thing I can do is go in there tomorrow to see if I can speak to someone, and maybe try Boots as well.

I’ve told him all of this, and we have been speaking as normal today but it still feels really awkward. It’s not the way I thought the night would go, especially since it was our first time having sex. But I do understand his worries. I wonder if he feels awkward too. I’m also concerned that every time we’ve met up it’s always been during the evening for a few hours. Not that I think he’s after me for just sex, because we’ve spent time doing other things too, but he always goes out with his friends after work and then meets me in the evening for a few hours. Today he’s gone out with his friend, and tomorrow he’s decided to take an extra shift at work, and didn’t bother to ask me what I was doing/or if I wanted to do anything with him. I’ve only just noticed this because I normally work until 5pm, so meeting up at night has worked really well for us so far, but I’ve been off work this week and it’s been the same thing. I’m worried it will be like this on weekends, and I don’t want a relationship where we just see each other for a few hours at night. I want to go out and do things together during the day as well. He has been really trying this morning to keep the conversation going, but I’m worried he’s just doing that until I get the pill and then he’s going to end things. Should I get in there first and let him know I don’t think it’s going to work out, but will obviously let him know when I’ve collected and taken the tablet? I do really like him, and feel so disappointed it’s ended up like this.

Sorry, this thread is a lot longer than I expected but I didn’t want to drip feed and there are a few issues to think about.

TIA

Yes, you are missing something here.

OP has already said she accepts half the responsibility for the condom fuckwittery.

What you're missing is that she didn't blame her date, bang on about her exes, create an awkward atmosphere, or disappear at 11pm in a cloud of accusation & headfuckery.

Stop giving trolls air OP. They love it. This guy is NOT worth your time. Get rid of him.

I've been left to deal with this all by myself, whilst he's swanned off with his mate to the gym and for a day out. He's been messaging all day, asking how I am, trying to keep the conversation going, but I feel very deflated by it all

He’s not asking you how you are, he’s keeping the communication open so you can tell him you’ve got hold of the MAP. He’s outed himself as self-centred wanker over this joint mistake. Personally I would cease communicating with him altogether right now. To be honest the description of him turning up late etc etc makes me wonder if he is in another relationship, but regardless of that I would get rid.

Totally off topic but that sounds really boring and scheduled! Step 1) kiss step 2) blow job/foreplay step 3) penetration!

Surely it's quite common to do all these three things at different intervals and more than once?!

He's been messaging all day, asking how I am, trying to keep the conversation going, but I feel very deflated by it all

Just text him: Please don’t ever contact me again. And block.

I'm petty, so I would simply stop replying to him now.
If he wanted to ensure you took the MAP, he should have stuck around and helped you source it.
Glad you were able to find a place open, and hopefully now you can enjoy the rest of your day

This man sounds utterly selfish and entitled. I would take the pill then dump him. I know it’s really disappointing but your relationship is in those early stages when it should be its most exciting, romantic and passionate. If he’s being an arse at this early stage, imagine how he’d be further down the line.

The PP commenting about condoms shocked me a little. Condoms protect against pregnancy but also STIs and I would be very suspicious of any man who is reluctant to use one. Men who find condoms a turn-off need to grow the F up.

Hi OP , I’m sorry that your thread has attracted some of the know it alls and blame assigners who have nothing better to do on Easter Sunday ( personally I am knackered after three hours in the garden!)

I don’t think you were being irresponsible, and I don’t think you expected too much. It seemed like you had got to know this chap ( or had tried to ) and it was reasonable to expect a bit more , well, romance, than occurred.

personally I would have been a bit miffed by him turning up so late, and even more miffed by the panic, blaming and lack of affection. Not exactly a good omen, is it?

Better luck next time, you will get there.

Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill.

Are you actually ovulating right now?

Considering that you can only get pregnant for 3 to 5 days each months and he didn't even ejaculate inside you and the condom will have left sperm killing chemicals in the area, the chances of you getting pregnant are so incredibly small.

I don't even think you need the MAP.

I don’t understand why posters are getting het up about the OP’s ability to organise contraception/STI testing. She will sort it one way or another, no doubt.
Re: the date - he sounds dreadful: thoughtless (his late arrival), and self absorbed. Definitely bin him.

Condoms are expensive no way would I waste the just put them on properly when it's time to move on to fucking.

'Sorry love, that condom cost me 91 pence. Please stick to the sex schedule'

Sounds like all the fun of the fair to me 🤣🤣

Op - the condom thing wasn’t great but you know this, you should have insisted he kept it on but that’s done now.
He, in my eyes, is beyond an arsehole though. If not getting a woman pregnant is so important to him, he needs to keep that condom on. I don’t buy that he forgot to put it back on. This guy isn’t good news. He turns up at 8pm to be fed and have sex.
OP listen to the other posters here - they have rightly pointed out he’s keeping the conversation going because of the MAP but I also think that he’s in a relationship already like others have said. Women trying to entrap him with fake babies? Please, who does he even think he is? I’ve had this said to me once by a guy who was a complete mindfuck. I’m now engaged to a lovely guy.
Please don’t see this guy again if he comes crawling out of the woodworks, you can find someone who actually cares about you and not just himself.

Hi OP. Just wanted to say that this sounds really rubbish all round. I’m sorry. I hope you and this guy can work it out (if that’s what you want) but equally, he doesn’t sound as though as he’s been particularly supportive. If he’s that bloody worried about you getting pregnant, perhaps he could have helped call around pharmacies etc rather than swanning off and leaving you to deal with all of that on your own…

I hope you get this sorted OP. I think people may have shown annoyance at 111 as you didn't state in your original posts you had tried to ring pharmacies to see if they were open.
I think, if i'm honest and it's meant with kindness, that you're expecting a bit much from this guy, more than he is capable of giving, and you need to be a bit wiser to the perils of online dating, especially Tinder. You say in your original post you don't want to be someone who is visited for a few hours each evening and want to do stuff in the day, but this guy is obviously not on the same page about it. He carries on his life and is viewing you as a booty call and free sex. You are attributing emotions and awkwardness onto him, but trust me, all he cares about now is not getting you pregnant. He's just a typical selfish bloke on OLD who was looking for free sex and wasn't prepared to take full responsibility for it in the moment. His accusations of women trapping him with pregnancy etc are exactly the sorts of fears he has, because he is incapable of being anything more than some guy who has sex with women online. I would like to hope he learns from this, but I very much doubt he will. I would not continue to see this bloke as he seems selfish and incapable of taking any responsibility for his own choices.
As for some of the other posters saying that wearing condoms probably put him off, don't listen to that nonsense. If you're meeting blokes off Tinder you should really be wearing condoms as standard until you both get STI tested and decide to become exclusive. As double protection, if you're planning on doing this again, get yourself on the pill.
As a final note, I think you seem a little naive about what this online dating is all about nowadays. You have to prepare for the worst and hope for the best (if you've got the patience and are prepared to get hurt), and certainly have a thick skin about it. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but a massive percentage of the guys on there don't give a shit and just want to have free sex and will do anything to get it.

Hope you're ok op.

I can't believe some of the responses. I sometimes wonder if it's actual humans that reply. Don't take it personally. Some of these posters will be on you thread clutching their pearls about contraception and on another thread giving opposite advice

Mumsnet is bonkers sometimes.

Sorry Op, I meant him making a mountain out of a molehill, not you!

He is self absorbed, selfish and lacking in basic care and kindness.

It's all about how he feels.

Ick

The first thing that stood out to in your ages. It not particularly a large age gap but many men start settling down at that age. Men who are emotionally immature/not ready to settle will generally go for younger women whether be much younger or slightly younger. He doesn't sound very nice or responsible. I think it is a red that he has claimed multiple women have tried to trap him - it suggest that he doesn't take responsibility for his own contraception.

Viviennemary
Not surprised. What a disaster. If you were intending to have sex you should have gone on the pill. Buying condoms probably turned him off.

Weird way of telling us you're probably a walking bag of STIs but ok

Sorry you’re going through this @EasterEggs22 because of him being a careless assh**e. He sounds very self absorbed and immature. He must think he’s a real catch with women trying to trap him. I definitely wouldn’t want to breed with him as he doesn’t show much strength of character. He is the one with the willie. It’s disgusting the lack of care he has shown for you. Rock up whenever, get fed, shag, be careless, panic, need repeated reassurance, disappear, leave you with the worry/ hassle of organising MAP. consequences of taking the MAP and needing STD testing. Hope you get MAP and can put this behind you ASAP. Even if he came round with a rose stuck up his bum begging for forgiveness I would never go on a date/ continue a relationship with him again. He has shown himself to be a selfish weak person who puts himself first. That’s his character and it’s not going to change. Go fish for someone. much much better when you’re ready. Take care

Good to hear that you are getting MAP today - as I think it’s supposed to be more effective the sooner you can take it. I think he should be the one driving with you to get it really and the fact that he’s not with you today would annoy me, and on top of the awkwardness yesterday I think that might be the end really.

Buying condoms probably turned him off.

only if he’s a porn-obsessed teenage minded idiot surely, given that actual normal adults don’t bat an eyelid at buying condoms, let alone being turned off by them…

He's self-absorbed and immature - in a way, this unpleasant sequence of events might be a blessing in disguise, OP, because he's shown his true colours now and you can stop wasting any more time on him. Hopefully you can get the MAP at the pharmacy you're driving to. There is supposed to be 24/7 pharmacy emergency cover throughout the UK, so there will be one open somewhere. Take the MAP and draw a line under the relationship - you deserve better.

OP - I think he is a player! I think all these 'worries' about you not getting pregnant are a game. A man who genuinely is worried about a woman not getting pregnant would NOT forget to put the condom on. He's now off having fun with friends leaving you to deal with this alone. Honestly he sounds really bad news and my advice would be go with your gut!

You feel funny about it, please please don't ignore that feeling. This is just the beginning.

Sending you hugs!

You end it first, unless you want to be like a gobbled down cheap ready meal at the end of his day…. for as long as it suits him. But he might be planning to run anyway. He couldn’t care less about you I don’t think.

I am very sorry, what an upsetting night you had.