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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My partner is adding up debts behind my back

81 replies

Almost5lady · 05/04/2023 20:33

Does anyone out there have a partner that lives with them and keeps accumulating debts behind your back and lies about it? My partner of over 3 years lives with me and when he moved in with me into my family home, he didn’t make me aware of his debts. I only found out when we looked at extending the house together. Since then he’s had two loans to pay credit card debts off and he does it behind my back. What’s your advice?

OP posts:
Bonbon21 · 05/04/2023 20:36

Get rid.

ClementWeatherToday · 05/04/2023 20:39

He will not change. He will continue to be a financially irresponsible liar. End the relationship. What other choice do you have?

isthewashingdryyet · 05/04/2023 20:39

Agree. Get rid.

no trust, and useless with money , so just ask him to leave

DogFleece · 05/04/2023 20:41

Don’t have children with him.
Leave him.

Clymene · 05/04/2023 20:48

My advice is the same as everyone else's. Kick him out. He's a liar and bad with money. You don't need him in your life.

ZekeZeke · 05/04/2023 21:12
  1. Please do not have children with this cocklodger.
  2. Kick him out.
Original poster
Almost5lady · 05/04/2023 21:16

Fortunately we both already have our own children … a blended family, but not feeling very blended at the moment

OP posts:
Cloverforever · 05/04/2023 21:17

Does he pay rent and bills to you as he should?

Mix56 · 05/04/2023 21:17

Sorry, you need to stop this niw.

Original poster
Almost5lady · 05/04/2023 21:19

Yes. He still pays towards the upkeep of the house and he is extremely good with all
The children and everything else except the money side … it’s exhausting… and I can’t trust him financially

OP posts:
Original poster
Almost5lady · 05/04/2023 21:20

I feel you are right and he won’t change

OP posts:
category12 · 05/04/2023 21:23

Disentangle yourself financially from him. It might be better to live separately so he can't drag you down with him.

userxx · 05/04/2023 21:23

Make sure you are not financially connected to him in any way, no joint bank account, loans etc. You don't want him to wreck your credit rating if he can't repay the loans.

Original poster
Almost5lady · 05/04/2023 21:25

He is currently on the mortgage but with a declaration of trust put in place. I’ve told him if this happens again then I will take him off the mortgage .. we have no loans or credit cards jointly

OP posts:
userxx · 05/04/2023 21:42

Almost5lady · 05/04/2023 21:25

He is currently on the mortgage but with a declaration of trust put in place. I’ve told him if this happens again then I will take him off the mortgage .. we have no loans or credit cards jointly

So you're financially tied to him. Shit.

userxx · 05/04/2023 21:45

How long have you had the mortgage prior to him living with you ?

My boyfriend has lived with me for over 4 years, I've had my mortgage for over 14 years, not a chance I'd put him on it now.

PaintedEgg · 05/04/2023 21:48

from personal experience - get rid and fast

Original poster
Almost5lady · 05/04/2023 22:02

I’ve had the mortgage probably 6 years before he came along … if need be I can pay this on my own again… it’s clearly not as easy but I’ve done it before and I can do it again

OP posts:
CleaningOutMyCloset · 05/04/2023 22:03

Don't marry him

TiaraBoo · 05/04/2023 22:04

So with the declaration of trust - do you have to give him money to get him off the mortgage?

Original poster
Almost5lady · 05/04/2023 22:07

I don’t think that the house has gained much more equity since he was put on the mortgage as it was only a year ago, but I suppose If property prices were to increase etc then probably I would have to 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
Almost5lady · 05/04/2023 22:08

He’s been married twice already and both women cheated on him, so that is the last thing he wants to do 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
Pixiedust1234 · 05/04/2023 22:11

Get him off the mortgage. He's a liar and financially irresponsible.

What is he getting into debt with? Gambling, hobby, or expensive tastes?

Original poster
Almost5lady · 05/04/2023 22:13

Just general every day stuff … car expenses, petrol, going out … nothing extravagant…

OP posts:
Pixiedust1234 · 05/04/2023 22:14

Almost5lady · 05/04/2023 22:08

He’s been married twice already and both women cheated on him, so that is the last thing he wants to do 🤷🏼‍♀️

oh dear...and he's moved into your house and got his name on the mortgage in three years? He's a fast worker.