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Original poster

My partner is adding up debts behind my back

81 replies

Almost5lady · 05/04/2023 20:33

Does anyone out there have a partner that lives with them and keeps accumulating debts behind your back and lies about it? My partner of over 3 years lives with me and when he moved in with me into my family home, he didn’t make me aware of his debts. I only found out when we looked at extending the house together. Since then he’s had two loans to pay credit card debts off and he does it behind my back. What’s your advice?

OP posts:
ThereIbledit · 05/04/2023 22:18

Chuffing nora get yourself some proper financial advice.

youtwoandme · 05/04/2023 22:35

I don't believe those women cheated on him. I believe they wouldn't put up with his lies and debt!

determinedtomakethiswork · 05/04/2023 22:41

For God sake, get that mortgage sorted out as soon as you can. If you want to stay with him, never ever merge your finances in any way and always expect him to run up even more debt.

27penny · 05/04/2023 22:41

One of the reasons i decided on separation, cannot trust financially at all. Credit card debt, constant refusals for loans, loan i didnt know about, large amount on car finance, general irresponsible spending etc absolutely worry that he would ruin us if i didnt put a stop to it. Joint mortgage with plan to sell and split decent equity and run for the hills. Hindsight is a bitch

Oneiros · 05/04/2023 22:57

Why on Earth did you move him into your children's home and put him on your mortgage?!

userxx · 06/04/2023 14:07

27penny · 05/04/2023 22:41

One of the reasons i decided on separation, cannot trust financially at all. Credit card debt, constant refusals for loans, loan i didnt know about, large amount on car finance, general irresponsible spending etc absolutely worry that he would ruin us if i didnt put a stop to it. Joint mortgage with plan to sell and split decent equity and run for the hills. Hindsight is a bitch

It's not a bitch, it's a lesson learned. Well done you for getting out.

pinkyredrose · 06/04/2023 14:10

Why the frig is he on your mortgage!? It's your children's home! Be careful as he may put your house at risk by using it against a loan.

YouJustDoYou · 06/04/2023 14:11

youtwoandme · 05/04/2023 22:35

I don't believe those women cheated on him. I believe they wouldn't put up with his lies and debt!

Oh, this, with bells on.

YouJustDoYou · 06/04/2023 14:12

If he's doing this behind your back this is serious, serious red flags op. You need to cut that out of your life, right now, because he WILL drag you and you kids into his financial problems. It happened to me (not with a partner, but with a mum who got into horrific debt levels, and it severely affected us as kids).

Likethestarsabove547 · 06/04/2023 14:14

Step 1
Take him off the mortgage
Step 2
Kick him out

Advice or someone who stupidly didn't do this, bailed their ex out and put their debt into their name because they thought they would change. They didn't. Walked away wiyh 30k of debt not accumulated by me, the clothes on my back and a toddler back to my parents. 🤦🏼‍♀️
Still paying the debt 5 years later

CornishTiger · 06/04/2023 14:17

@Almost5lady you've been an absolute fool. Get him off your mortgage and stop trusting him. He’s shown you he can’t he trusted.

ArcticSkewer · 06/04/2023 14:21

It's not the mortgage you need him off ... it's the house ownership/deeds ... assuming you let him buy in to the property (pure madness btw)

You can put an alert on your property as well in case it is linked to an application for another mortgage

FlowerArranger · 06/04/2023 14:23

Add me to those who don't believe that both his previous marriages broke down because his wives cheated.

He will never change and in time he'll drag you down with him.

Best case scenario: you reach retirement and his pension is miniscule or non-existent. What then?

In the meantime your children will be deprived of assets because you'll end up propping him up or bailing him out.

That's before we get to the fundamental fact that he is deceitful, which is never a good basis for a relationship.

Take legal advice on how to get him off the mortgage and kick him out would be my advice.

Annonnimouse · 06/04/2023 14:24

I’d check your credit score to make sure he’s not taken out debt credit cards in your name

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 06/04/2023 14:28

Have you made sure he's not taken credit out in your name? I wouldn't trust him infact id take him off the mortgage now.

purplecorkheart · 06/04/2023 14:28

Why on earth did you put him on the mortgage. You need to get him off it fast in case he is using the house for another mortgage etc, Is his name on the property deeds? Have you checked your own credit rating? He could have taken out loans in your name.

If he is lying about debt I would bet he is lying about his wives cheating on him.

strawberry2017 · 06/04/2023 14:52

This would not be ok with me, especially if I had added him to my mortgage.
I agree with others, I find it hard to believe he has been cheated on twice, I suspect his financial mismanagement is a player in the situation.

monsteramunch · 06/04/2023 15:54

Oh OP, why did you add him to the mortgage and link yourself to him financially in doing so?!

jemimapuddlepluck · 06/04/2023 16:05

You added a partner of 3 fucking years to your mortgage? Damn hes good👍 you took your children's security and handed it over just like that? Or did he have to work on you? Get him off your mortgage and dont do anything so unbelievably stupid again.

Harrypewter · 06/04/2023 16:19

Here's a different take on it.

I hit some debt problems (Due to business and other issues) and approached my girlfriend she was upset. Unduly I thought.
In my head I thought she was unsupportive, in her head she thought I was impulsive with money and this threatened her sense of fiscal security. This made her question the relationship.
After the fury settled we decided to end the relationship.
Unfortunately for her, my business debts have now gone and I'm earning 6x her high salary. She attempted to justify and then backtrack.
Maybe not be so hasty in your judgments.

Tomkirkman · 06/04/2023 16:23

Why would you put him on the mortgage?

Get him off asap. He will be entitled to half of any value it’s gained since he went on it. You definitely need to not extend the house while he is on the mortgage.

Get him off the mortgage and get him out.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 06/04/2023 16:40

Is he on the deeds too?
Take legal advice and remove him from mortgage and any other financial engagements
Then get rid
The best prediction of future behaviour is past behaviour.... 2 ex wives, not great is it? He won't change
Do not risk your DC's future for this
" man"

Bananalanacake · 06/04/2023 16:41

Have a relationship without living together

CurlewKate · 06/04/2023 17:10

@Almost5lady Have you checked your credit rating recently?

topcat2014 · 05/07/2023 06:59

Did he pay any money to get this share of your house?

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