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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My husband must be cheating to act like this?

140 replies

Hopingforbettertimesoon · 01/04/2023 21:43

I am so nervous never posted before. My husband is doing everything that suggests he is seeing someone else. He has lost lots of weigh, goes to the gym all the time, started wearing deodorant and after shave. He has moved into the spare bedroom and refuses to even touch me. He listens to lots of pop music which he never did before and Is planning to go to Turkey to do a facelift!

I have tried to talk to him but he just gets angry and says I have caused him to act like this. He says I am a monster who has caused him untold emotional damage. He says I have rejected him too often. We used to have sex about twice week but he says I did not do enough. In my defence I work full time, do everything in the house and look after our kids. Also up until recently he often smelt of bo and had bad breath. I used to ask him nicely to wear deodorant but he refused saying it caused cancer.

He has changed so much. He refuses to eat food I cooked although in the past he said I was a good cook. Then he started to criticise saying it tasted terrible. He used to say plastic surgery was wrong now he is getting it.

I know I am not perfect but I am not the monster he thinks. But when he keeps saying it I begin to wonder if I am.

he shouts at the kids and spends hardly any time with them. I do everything. He started to change after our eldest son as born. But there was still some good periods. It has however got steadily worse.

I guess I just need to ask if this is all my fault. I have said to him we both have faults but he says no it is all me. If anyone heard what he says about me and how I have treated him I would be the worst person but deep down I don’t think I am. Not perfect but decent enough.

I think I need a bit of a hand hold or maybe to be told if I am wrong and I am a mistake monster. Please don’t be too hard though and say it nicely if you can.

OP posts:
Widower2014 · 07/10/2023 12:00

As a man speaking here. Your husband is a Richard head
He maybe going through something entirely different but his attitude and action towards you would indicate that whatever/whoever it is, he is pulling away from you and the kids.

Sit him down and give him a choice, he either tells you what is going on or he leaves and you want a divorce with full custody until he is in a better place.

If he says he not happy etc, then you forget about him and concentrate on you and your kids. You're not a monster.

Loubelle70 · 07/10/2023 12:11

Hes a foot out of this relationship hoping youll end it and blame yourself, hes trying to justify his behaviour..its mind games. Hes having an affair with ba younger woman.

Showdogworkingdog · 07/10/2023 12:20

Dotcheck · 01/04/2023 22:34

Brilliant- someone else can take him off your hands

This. Get him gone. You deserve better than this dickhead.

Janieforever · 07/10/2023 12:22

Zombie thread.

Loubelle70 · 07/10/2023 12:26

Thanks i didn't notice 🤣 @Janieforever

determinedtomakethiswork · 07/10/2023 23:16

Oh no, I read all of the thread, and now I'll never know if he had his hair implants and a facelift!

Loubelle70 · 08/10/2023 10:36

determinedtomakethiswork · 07/10/2023 23:16

Oh no, I read all of the thread, and now I'll never know if he had his hair implants and a facelift!

🤣

Hopingforbettertimesoon · 10/11/2023 18:51

Hi thank you to those who commented recently. Sorry you got caught on a zombie thread. I am still around. Lots of changes and some waiting for things to happen.

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Hopingforbettertimesoon · 10/11/2023 18:51

your comment made me laugh thank you

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Hopingforbettertimesoon · 10/11/2023 19:04

To update he did go to Turkey or at least I think he did but who really knows! He had a hair transplant but not the face lift. Again not really sure why as we no longer talk except about the children and our separation. Yes we have seperated.

I feel so much relief. Still difficult and we will have to organize the divorce but it is for the best.

thank you to everyone on this thread who talked so much sense. You all really helped me. Not sure if any one will read this but if they do you are all wonderful and kind and down to earth.

he was the one who made the final decision to split. He has been cold, unkind, accuses me of many thing I know aren’t true. I am sure he has someone else but ce le vie. She is welcome to him. I do get down and feel sad sometimes but generally I feel relief. I have been to the doctor and explained everything. They said I have experienced emotional abuse for many years.

we have to live in the same house right now but he is out most of the time or away. Luckily we have a spare bedroom. He moved in there several months ago well back in April! He accused me recently of kicking him out of the bedroom. Which just shows how messed up he is. I begged him at the time not to move into the spare room and several times begged him to come back and try and make things work. Now though I think okay let’s move on. Hopefully by next summer the kids and I will move back to our home country. Thank you again for all the support. I will try and come back when things are more settled.

OP posts:
Pumpkinpie1 · 10/11/2023 19:04

I don’t understand Why you are allowing him to spend thousands on himself without challenging him
Have you looked into your families finances? I’d want to make sure he wasn’t remortgaging house to pay for his adventures
Please get your legal and financial ducks in a row and don’t let him blindside you and your kids

Hopingforbettertimesoon · 10/11/2023 19:09

Pumpkinpie1 · 10/11/2023 19:04

I don’t understand Why you are allowing him to spend thousands on himself without challenging him
Have you looked into your families finances? I’d want to make sure he wasn’t remortgaging house to pay for his adventures
Please get your legal and financial ducks in a row and don’t let him blindside you and your kids

Thats very true and good advice.

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Again12 · 10/11/2023 19:50

He's behaving like an ungrateful arse so let him loose you. Tell him you are sick of his misery and if he wants to f off the doors there! See what he says..

KTSl1964 · 10/11/2023 20:07

you could do some work with adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families - they have lots of online meetings - it’s helped me enormously. Hopefully you are more at peace now - terrible situation for you and your children.

Hopingforbettertimesoon · 10/11/2023 20:43

KTSl1964 · 10/11/2023 20:07

you could do some work with adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families - they have lots of online meetings - it’s helped me enormously. Hopefully you are more at peace now - terrible situation for you and your children.

I will look into this thanks. I am seeing a counsellor now and on anti depressants which are really helping me. I did ask the counsellor about couples counselling when I started back in May, but they said no it is not recommended as he is emotionally abusive. And any way now the marriage is over basically we are only married now on paper and will be divorcing in the future.

I know I have a lot of healing to do and healing from the past too. So I will look into the group meetings.

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