Page 4 | Age gaps

DorindaH · 2023-03-31T18:11:00+00:00

Do you think age is only just a number, or do you think it's better to date people of similar age? As someone who is 43 what age gap do you think is too big if looking for something long term? I'm generally not interested in men over 50.

Canyoureadmymind · 03/04/2023 06:48

Just remembered Lauren Goodger who's in her early 30s and had a baby with a guy in his early 20s. Jordan/Katie Price frequently dates over 10 years younger.

PaintedEgg · 03/04/2023 10:09

Bamboux · 02/04/2023 16:27

You are 14 years younger than him. He's a parent and you are not (yet). I don't think it's remotely realistic to say that you're at similar life stages

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Being a parent is also something a lot of people my age are while I am yet to have a child

I was also a divorcee, while he was never married. Neither of ever owned a house before we got married, but we both had experience of very long relationships. We are educated to the same level and we were both established in our respective careers.

So please tell me where is that vast difference of life experience? at our ages it may well have been that I had a child and he did not - nothing to do with age difference

Canyoureadmymind · 03/04/2023 10:14

I think it really shouldn't matter as long as both are consenting adults, unless one is barely 18 or something as that seems predatory. It really shouldn't matter but there will always be people turning their nose up at it, and the ageism towards a woman dating younger men is shocking.

Lizzt2007 · 03/04/2023 10:21

Comii9 · 02/04/2023 11:51

@Lizzt2007 that's not my logic, I'm not sure why you are being snipey. I gave my personal opinion I know it's not a "rule". I'm just giving my opinion. Age tends not to matter at a certain age though depending on the AGES. 10 years either side is a huge gap like a 20 year old with a 30 year old. 30 year old dating dating someone who is 40 won't much as much because you ha e gained life experience and possible dated longer unlike when you are only 20.

@Canyoureadmymind 10 years is plenty of wriggle room for an age gap. Other wise your entertainment into the next generation 30 and 40 is 10 years much more than I personally wouldn't do.

Each to their own though!

Snipey? No at all, just asking you explain your faulty logic, which you can't because it's faulty.

DiscoBeat · 03/04/2023 10:22

My DH is 19 years older and we're very happy - coming up to our 18th wedding anniversary and two children together (youngest is 12). He's very fit and healthy and we enjoy each other's company. I retired when he did so that wasn't an issue for us as a PP mentioned.

DiscoBeat · 03/04/2023 10:24

Have you entered the menopause yet? Just curious how that affects things, or you're on HRT?
Surely the issues you're envisaging would be issues regardless of age.

Mamma2bee · 03/04/2023 10:28

Each to their own you can't comment until you're in a relationship. My DP (soon to be DH) is 15 years older than me and we get on like a house on fire. I think people say age is just a number because you can have incredibly mature and immature people for their age and you yourself may be mature/immature for your age or even take maturity out of it, at certain stages in life that someone else at a different age may be at. As I say, each to their own.

Runaround50 · 03/04/2023 10:28

@DiscoBeat my neighbour has the same gap between her and her husband. They seem very happy too. 😀

PaintedEgg · 03/04/2023 10:55

Canyoureadmymind · 03/04/2023 10:14

I think it really shouldn't matter as long as both are consenting adults, unless one is barely 18 or something as that seems predatory. It really shouldn't matter but there will always be people turning their nose up at it, and the ageism towards a woman dating younger men is shocking.

apparently some people feel it appropriate to ask a stranger about her sex drive - first time my jaw fell reading this forum :(

Canyoureadmymind · 03/04/2023 10:58

Yeah :(
I read something on another thread where a 45 year old woman fancied a colleague in his late 20s. Another poster told the OP that she was deluded if she thought a guy in his 20s would fancy her.

Deathbyfluffy · 03/04/2023 11:00

Liorae · 01/04/2023 10:25

Unless you're a man, in which case any age gap is "icky" and "grim".

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Man here - and what a load of bollocks

SVRT19674 · 03/04/2023 12:57

I would go for people in the 40s, definitely not younger and not older than 50.

Stickyoffee · 03/04/2023 13:29

My friend has just married, she's 33 and her husband is 59 they don't have any type of sex because he can't/ isn't interested

TeaandLemonDrizzle · 03/04/2023 16:46

Stickyoffee · 03/04/2023 13:29

My friend has just married, she's 33 and her husband is 59 they don't have any type of sex because he can't/ isn't interested

Oh dear. It won’t be long before she regrets her decision then!

PaintedEgg · 03/04/2023 18:12

according to Mumsnet:

-You should not date men older than you because "different life stages" (even when they're not) and "their body will fall apart" (because illnesses exist only when your partner is 10+ years older).
-You cannot date men younger because your libido will dry out by the time you hit your 50s
-you cannot date men the same age because your libido will dry out before their does and they will go and cheat on you (for reference see other topics on this forum).

😂😂😂

username1722 · 03/04/2023 22:28

I much prefer to date guys very close to my own age, so give or take 2 years. I just find that their energy levels seem to match mine more. I've dated 5 or 6 years older before and wouldn't choose to do that again as I think it's easier to be controlled/manipulated by someone older. That's just my experience though.

In terms of my views on other people's relationships, I do find big age gaps a bit strange but I think it's fine as long as both are over 30. When you're in your 20s, you can be very naive and immature. So a 22 year old dating a 30 year old is very different to a 32 year old dating a 40 year old.

Mindovermatter247 · 03/04/2023 22:44

I’ve always said my limit is 5 over or 5 younger… I met DP when I was 16, he was 20, when you say it like that it sounds dodgy, now he’s 39 I’m 35, it doesn’t sound half as bad.
my dad is 12 years older than my step mum and my grandad was 9 years older than my Nan, same with DP’s grandparents, except his grandma was older than his grandad.

Dyslexicwonder · 03/04/2023 22:56

In my opinion age gaps matter only when one side is very young (up to mid 20s). When you're 20 even 5 years can mean a lot of difference in life experience and there may be power imbalance. Let alone 10 or 20 years...

But as we get older that difference diminishes and age alone does not impact the relations as much.

Until it does again at the other end age 65 or 70 * *plus. The difference between 70 &75 or 80 can be large.

Lmber · 03/04/2023 23:29

I think it matters when you're older. A 57 year old can be very different to a 67 year old.

BlueHeartMelody · 04/04/2023 01:34

username1722 · 03/04/2023 22:28

I much prefer to date guys very close to my own age, so give or take 2 years. I just find that their energy levels seem to match mine more. I've dated 5 or 6 years older before and wouldn't choose to do that again as I think it's easier to be controlled/manipulated by someone older. That's just my experience though.

In terms of my views on other people's relationships, I do find big age gaps a bit strange but I think it's fine as long as both are over 30. When you're in your 20s, you can be very naive and immature. So a 22 year old dating a 30 year old is very different to a 32 year old dating a 40 year old.

That’s a good point but a 32 year old and 40 year old who are at different points in their life might also be unequal, no? Speaking to my older friends, for instance if one them is on their way to becoming a homeowner or is more senior in terms of career and the other is just starting out etc. I’ve found that some women take a backseat when it comes to their careers and in their 30s start consider having kids and so unless the relationship is on equal footing, and money is seen as a joint thing where each contributes to their share evenly (doesn’t have to be 50/50) even if it means saving on nursery fees by doing the bulk of the childcare), there are worries of financial abuse and controlling behaviour especially if the guy is significantly older.

makewomenbetter · 04/04/2023 04:06

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Pubesofsoberness · 04/04/2023 04:31

Early 50s down to late 30s for me. Well for relationships anyway. I'm 44

I have had a few men around 35 and they didn't seem anymore mature than men in their 20s but that could just be the ones I meet !

PaintedEgg · 04/04/2023 07:50

Dyslexicwonder · 03/04/2023 22:56

In my opinion age gaps matter only when one side is very young (up to mid 20s). When you're 20 even 5 years can mean a lot of difference in life experience and there may be power imbalance. Let alone 10 or 20 years...

But as we get older that difference diminishes and age alone does not impact the relations as much.

Until it does again at the other end age 65 or 70 * *plus. The difference between 70 &75 or 80 can be large.

according to posts on here out lives are over at 55 ;)

seriously though - I think it matters even less at that age, especially if there is already few decades of shared history. I think my husband and I will have a blast in our retirement age - if we live that long

PaintedEgg · 04/04/2023 07:54

BlueHeartMelody · 04/04/2023 01:34

That’s a good point but a 32 year old and 40 year old who are at different points in their life might also be unequal, no? Speaking to my older friends, for instance if one them is on their way to becoming a homeowner or is more senior in terms of career and the other is just starting out etc. I’ve found that some women take a backseat when it comes to their careers and in their 30s start consider having kids and so unless the relationship is on equal footing, and money is seen as a joint thing where each contributes to their share evenly (doesn’t have to be 50/50) even if it means saving on nursery fees by doing the bulk of the childcare), there are worries of financial abuse and controlling behaviour especially if the guy is significantly older.

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is this not also applicable if they're both 30 but from different economic backgrounds? or simply at different stages of their careers because of factors unrelated to age?

my ex was 3 years older than me and was the biggest financial leach one can imagine - I was lightyears ahead of him in everything despite having very similar opportunities. Based on this single experience I should assume that every man in his late 20s and early 30s is an immature idiot with no life direction or goals beyond buying next expensive gadget they cannot afford

Dyslexicwonder · 04/04/2023 07:58

PaintedEgg · 04/04/2023 07:50

according to posts on here out lives are over at 55 ;)

seriously though - I think it matters even less at that age, especially if there is already few decades of shared history. I think my husband and I will have a blast in our retirement age - if we live that long

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Slightly bizarrely both DH's parents had relationships (not with each other) with 12-15 year gaps. In both cases the marriage lasted 20+ years and in the last 5 the wife was a carer for their older husband (in one case whilst parenting a teenager and working ft, in the other while in the first decade of their retirement). Anecdote perhaps but I wouldn't fancy it TBH. Also both widows now openly say they wouldn't do it if they had their time again.