Page 3 | Age gaps

DorindaH · 2023-03-31T18:11:00+00:00

Do you think age is only just a number, or do you think it's better to date people of similar age? As someone who is 43 what age gap do you think is too big if looking for something long term? I'm generally not interested in men over 50.

rewilded · 02/04/2023 01:05

4-5 years maximum. Ideally with a year or two.

Perhapsoneday · 02/04/2023 01:12

My husband is 25 years older than me. My ex husband was 6 months older. 15 years into marriage 2 with the love of my life and I still wish I’d stuck with selfish idiot husband 1.
age gap is a big mistake. 3 years either way. Tops.

GelPens1 · 02/04/2023 02:50

Canyoureadmymind · 01/04/2023 10:22

I know somebody who's 28 and her partner is 62. They've been together for 7 years and have 2 children together. I've always felt uncomfortable by the fact that they got together when she was 21 and him 55 but I keep that to myself.

That age gap is nearly 10 years more than the one between me and my dad! At 21 she was barely out of her teens whereas he was more than old enough to have a couple of nursery/school aged grand children at 55. That’s disgusting. Age isn’t ‘just a number’ because it depends on the stage of life of the youngest and eldest eg 21 and 30 is too much, but 30 and 39 is fine.

TeaandLemonDrizzle · 02/04/2023 05:53

GelPens1 · 02/04/2023 02:50

That age gap is nearly 10 years more than the one between me and my dad! At 21 she was barely out of her teens whereas he was more than old enough to have a couple of nursery/school aged grand children at 55. That’s disgusting. Age isn’t ‘just a number’ because it depends on the stage of life of the youngest and eldest eg 21 and 30 is too much, but 30 and 39 is fine.

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I think, at 21, she was very naive and inexperienced in life. He has taken advantage of that. She will realise as she matures and I doubt it’ll end well. I think the children will also feel uncomfortable as they get older too.

Twinklewonderkins · 02/04/2023 10:44

@xfan yes I am in menopause, it’s a fair question.
I have been on HRT since before we met (started on it at 48). My GP is happy for me to stay on it for as long as I want to.
I’ve always had a high sex drive and it’s not really changed.

Lizzt2007 · 02/04/2023 11:08

Comii9 · 01/04/2023 15:05

Interesting I thing 10 years older than OP is the maximum limit but not 10 years younger than her personally I think its too much.

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but by your logic then the person 10 years older than op should see op as too young, as op would be 10years younger, so how does that work?

Canyoureadmymind · 02/04/2023 11:13

Yeah, I'm not sure why it's ok for her to date 10 years older but not 10 years younger? Just screams ageism really. Why is it 'too much '?

Comii9 · 02/04/2023 11:51

@Lizzt2007 that's not my logic, I'm not sure why you are being snipey. I gave my personal opinion I know it's not a "rule". I'm just giving my opinion. Age tends not to matter at a certain age though depending on the AGES. 10 years either side is a huge gap like a 20 year old with a 30 year old. 30 year old dating dating someone who is 40 won't much as much because you ha e gained life experience and possible dated longer unlike when you are only 20.

@Canyoureadmymind 10 years is plenty of wriggle room for an age gap. Other wise your entertainment into the next generation 30 and 40 is 10 years much more than I personally wouldn't do.

Each to their own though!

PousseyNotMoira · 02/04/2023 11:57

Comii9 · 02/04/2023 11:51

@Lizzt2007 that's not my logic, I'm not sure why you are being snipey. I gave my personal opinion I know it's not a "rule". I'm just giving my opinion. Age tends not to matter at a certain age though depending on the AGES. 10 years either side is a huge gap like a 20 year old with a 30 year old. 30 year old dating dating someone who is 40 won't much as much because you ha e gained life experience and possible dated longer unlike when you are only 20.

@Canyoureadmymind 10 years is plenty of wriggle room for an age gap. Other wise your entertainment into the next generation 30 and 40 is 10 years much more than I personally wouldn't do.

Each to their own though!

She’s 43. Ten years younger than her is 33, which is fine according to the example you yourself just gave. So why, in your opinion, should she go 10 years older, but not 10 years younger?

Why would the gap be ‘too much’ if she were to date a 33 year old, but not a 53 year old?

Liorae · 02/04/2023 12:32

PousseyNotMoira · 02/04/2023 11:57

She’s 43. Ten years younger than her is 33, which is fine according to the example you yourself just gave. So why, in your opinion, should she go 10 years older, but not 10 years younger?

Why would the gap be ‘too much’ if she were to date a 33 year old, but not a 53 year old?

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Because the truth is that the younger woman is seen as snagging a man from the very small pool of older single men. Hey jealousy...

aSofaNearYou · 02/04/2023 12:43

I'd say age is just a number over 30. Younger and I'd be thinking the older person is on some level taking advantage of the younger person's inexperience.

But I'd certainly prefer to date someone around my age.

Comii9 · 02/04/2023 15:53

@PousseyNotMoira I've already explained. Read the thread.

PousseyNotMoira · 02/04/2023 16:14

Comii9 · 02/04/2023 15:53

@PousseyNotMoira I've already explained. Read the thread.

Your ‘explanation’ doesn’t make any sense, for the reasons I’ve I’ve stated.

You said that 10 years younger was too young for OP was too young, but 10 years older was somehow fine. When asked why, you gave an example that illustrated the opposite of what you were (stating that 10 years younger was fine for a 40 year old). Now that’s been pointed out, you have nothing to say.

Perhaps you should read the thread.

2023a · 02/04/2023 16:23

Comii9 · 02/04/2023 11:51

@Lizzt2007 that's not my logic, I'm not sure why you are being snipey. I gave my personal opinion I know it's not a "rule". I'm just giving my opinion. Age tends not to matter at a certain age though depending on the AGES. 10 years either side is a huge gap like a 20 year old with a 30 year old. 30 year old dating dating someone who is 40 won't much as much because you ha e gained life experience and possible dated longer unlike when you are only 20.

@Canyoureadmymind 10 years is plenty of wriggle room for an age gap. Other wise your entertainment into the next generation 30 and 40 is 10 years much more than I personally wouldn't do.

Each to their own though!

What are you trying to say? ‘Your logic’ means ‘your opinion’. You’ve given your opinion/logic and people are asking you to explain it.

Age tends not to matter at a certain age though depending on the AGES. 10 years either side is a huge gap like a 20 year old with a 30 year old. 30 year old dating dating someone who is 40 won't much as much because you ha e gained life experience and possible dated longer unlike when you are only 20.

So, how does this explain why, according to you, 10 years younger than the 43 year old OP (33) is too young? You literally just said 30 year old dating dating someone who is 40 won't much as much Make up your mind.

10 years is plenty of wriggle room for an age gap. Other wise your entertainment into the next generation 30 and 40 is 10 years much more than I personally wouldn't do.

This has literally nothing to do with what @Canyoureadmymind asked you.

Bamboux · 02/04/2023 16:27

PaintedEgg · 01/04/2023 10:11

In my opinion age gaps matter only when one side is very young (up to mid 20s). When you're 20 even 5 years can mean a lot of difference in life experience and there may be power imbalance. Let alone 10 or 20 years...

But as we get older that difference diminishes and age alone does not impact the relations as much.

I'm 14 years younger than my husband but it only comes up when we tease each other about it. We were at VERY similar stages in life when we began dating and I honestly cannot say he has more life experience than I do. It all depends on the particular subject.

For example, he has a child and we're expecting our first one now. He has more experience with the medical appointments and all that stuff so I lean on him for advice quite a bit. On the hand I handled most of the process of our house purchase because I had some experience with real estate. Just two examples of where different life experiences can work together :)

If one of us was this young person with NO life experience and the other a worn down life veteran I don't think we'd get along as well.

You are 14 years younger than him. He's a parent and you are not (yet). I don't think it's remotely realistic to say that you're at similar life stages

Comii9 · 02/04/2023 16:36

@2023a I don't have to explain to you. OK so just please scroll on.

MN loved to pile on. Not today hun

2023a · 02/04/2023 16:39

Comii9 · 02/04/2023 16:36

@2023a I don't have to explain to you. OK so just please scroll on.

MN loved to pile on. Not today hun

You could have scrolled on. You chose to comment. So have we.

People asking you why you’ve said something isn’t a pile on. The fact that you cannot explain yourself (because what you’ve said makes no sense) is your problem, not anyone else’s.

Canyoureadmymind · 02/04/2023 17:26

What about the late Paul OGrady who was 26 years older than his husband? Or is that ok

BlueHeartMelody · 02/04/2023 17:32

Canyoureadmymind · 01/04/2023 10:22

I know somebody who's 28 and her partner is 62. They've been together for 7 years and have 2 children together. I've always felt uncomfortable by the fact that they got together when she was 21 and him 55 but I keep that to myself.

That’s a whopping 34 year age gap Once this guy hits his 70s, the age gap will become more prevalent. She must have been really young to have had kids if she’s just turned 28. I guess as long as they’re happy. But I’m shocked because he’s literally old enough to be her father.

GelPens1 · 02/04/2023 17:44

BlueHeartMelody · 02/04/2023 17:32

That’s a whopping 34 year age gap Once this guy hits his 70s, the age gap will become more prevalent. She must have been really young to have had kids if she’s just turned 28. I guess as long as they’re happy. But I’m shocked because he’s literally old enough to be her father.

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My dad is 25 years older than me!

blisstwins · 02/04/2023 18:03

PousseyNotMoira · 02/04/2023 11:57

She’s 43. Ten years younger than her is 33, which is fine according to the example you yourself just gave. So why, in your opinion, should she go 10 years older, but not 10 years younger?

Why would the gap be ‘too much’ if she were to date a 33 year old, but not a 53 year old?

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No rules, but the issue is children. At 43 the window is small and if the 33 year old wants children it could lead to heartache. Biology is unfair.

PousseyNotMoira · 02/04/2023 18:10

blisstwins · 02/04/2023 18:03

No rules, but the issue is children. At 43 the window is small and if the 33 year old wants children it could lead to heartache. Biology is unfair.

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I don’t think that’s what the pp was saying. No mention was made of kids, she was just contradicting herself.

Anyway, re kids, that really depends. Some people don’t want kids/already have kids and don’t want them/aren’t dating with the intent of LTR. There are any number of variables.

PaintedEgg · 02/04/2023 18:59

blisstwins · 02/04/2023 18:03

No rules, but the issue is children. At 43 the window is small and if the 33 year old wants children it could lead to heartache. Biology is unfair.

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once again it boils down to priorities and stage in life - you can meet someone your age who does not want children or cannot have them. there are young couples spend ages fighting infertility...

Vodababy · 02/04/2023 20:03

My DH is 7 years older than me but my dad is 13 years older than his partner and they're so well matched, we all love her.

BlueHeartMelody · 03/04/2023 00:49

GelPens1 · 02/04/2023 17:44

My dad is 25 years older than me!

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@GelPens1 Sorry what’s the context? Did you mean to quote me? I was quoting @Canyoureadmymind who wrote about a 28 and a 62 year old.

Sometimes it’s hard to understand what the exclamation mark means so I’m left confused 😭🤣