Page 2 | Age gaps

DorindaH · 2023-03-31T18:11:00+00:00

Do you think age is only just a number, or do you think it's better to date people of similar age? As someone who is 43 what age gap do you think is too big if looking for something long term? I'm generally not interested in men over 50.

Runaround50 · 01/04/2023 12:31

They can work I think.
My Partner of 20 years, is 16 years old than me and in the main, we've not done too badly. However, now I'm seeing the gap for what it is and I'm unsure how things will end.

Twinklewonderkins · 01/04/2023 12:37

I’m a woman and I’m 52. Partner of 3 years is 32.
we get on very well and I have met all his friends and family. He doesn’t want kids and the age gap has never been an issue. No one has said anything negative at least not to our faces. Physically he is a big hairy man and not boyish looking so maybe that helps.
like all relationships there are so many variables that could make it work (or not).
we have lots in common, go on holidays, to gigs, have an amazing social and sex life.
if I’d found a man my age who was a good match it have dated him, but so many were ready for the pipe/slippers stage and a lot were very sexist/racist/homophobic compared to younger men, and I think it’s likely that a lot of good ones are married and not available.

DeoForty · 01/04/2023 12:43

I'd go by the person rather than the age (although that could be difficult if it's online filtering your looking for). I'd probably go up to 25 years older, but unlikely to go more than 10 years younger (unless it's Harry Styles), but that's more to do with the fact I don't want any more children, I don't want to socialise a lot and I like a man with reading glasses so...

motherofkevinnotperry · 01/04/2023 13:18

Stage in life is more important than age. The older you get the more this becomes relevant. Eg if they're children are grown and independent and yours aren't you might find it becomes difficult.

Exl · 01/04/2023 13:39

I think anything over 10 years is a problem.

I know someone who, when she was 30, married a fit guy who was 50 and they had kids.

5 years later his body completely fell apart and he needed a lot of looking after. Meanwhile she needed help with the children.

The marriage ended badly and the children are fucked up.

Louisetopaz21 · 01/04/2023 14:57

My dh is more than 8 years older than me and he is amazing. I don't think about our age gap.

HelloBunny · 01/04/2023 15:00

I do think that age is just a number. Nothing to do with age gaps. Some are more mature, when young. Some are running towards retirement, while others are living every last moment. It’s attitude. It’s personality. Look for those more so.

HelloBunny · 01/04/2023 15:02

We’re older parents, and I think the gap between us & our child may not be great in the future. No matter our attitude / personality, I suppose.

Comii9 · 01/04/2023 15:05

MaximumPleasure · 01/04/2023 05:59

10 years either side

Interesting I thing 10 years older than OP is the maximum limit but not 10 years younger than her personally I think its too much.

TeaandLemonDrizzle · 01/04/2023 15:09

adriftabroad · 01/04/2023 08:34

After one of 18 years (gap) and 19 year marriage I would agree. No No No. 5 years tops.

It gets more and more difficult. With everything.

Show quote history

I think, as I have got older, I have become wiser and aware of the situation I’d put myself in. Five years would be the maximum age gap for me now.

CambsAlways · 01/04/2023 16:24

Difficult to say really as everyone is different my husband 5 years younger than me we been together 40 years and it works well. I think you think more about the age gap with bigger age gaps as you get older. We are on the same wave length I don’t know wether I would be with someone say 10 years older

Alstothemarvshien · 01/04/2023 17:30

Age is irrelevant. It's what the person is like and whether you're compatible for a long-term relationship. It is very self-limiting to impose an age restriction on potential partners. (It could also be construed as ageist within a social setting).

Lavenderflower · 01/04/2023 17:37

I think the older you get the more you notice the age gap. When I was younger I didn't notice as much but I definitely prefer my own age.

owiz · 01/04/2023 17:39

You like who you like, but I'm sure most people would agree in an ideal world a couple would be a similar age. There's a period of time where it doesn't matter at all (perhaps even beneficial if looking at maturity) but early 20s and heading towards retirement is where the issues arise.

blebbleb · 01/04/2023 17:43

@Alstothemarvshien age is not irrelevant. Like it or not you're likely to be without your spouse for many decades if they are are a great deal older than you. Ageist! I think this is one area of life where you can have preferences on a certain age group! Who cares if a man/woman is offended!

stepstepstep · 01/04/2023 17:48

I’m 44, DP is 51 but our kids (from previous relationships) are all of similar ages so it feels like we’re at the same life stage. I am saving to retire early because I don’t want to be retiring as he is starting to get older & we haven’t had time to have some time together. He on the other hand is in total denial about getting old & assumes he’ll live forever!

chronictonic · 01/04/2023 17:49

Rainbowqueeen · 31/03/2023 21:36

I think “age is just a number “ is a saying used by people to justify age gaps and nothing more. I would not date more than 5 years either side of my age. I want to enjoy my retirement with someone of a similar age who is more likely to be in a similar position not spend it as a carer.

There’s far more likely to be a power imbalance in age gap relationships.

Im not saying they can’t be successful but there’s a lot of pitfalls and it’s just not for me

My DH is 15 years older than me. Very happy together for nearly 20 years.

Sometimes, as we are getting older and experiencing the decline of our parents and care responsibilities etc, it crosses both his and my mind how thing may look in the future for us, in terms of aging and differences.

But then I remind myself that life can be short, and unpredictable and nothing is guaranteed, that actually, it maybe, due to possible illnesses, or accidents, him caring for me and not the other way around just because he's older.

We are truly soul mates, and I'll be happy to care for him as he will be for me.

PaintedEgg · 01/04/2023 18:10

Exl · 01/04/2023 13:39

I think anything over 10 years is a problem.

I know someone who, when she was 30, married a fit guy who was 50 and they had kids.

5 years later his body completely fell apart and he needed a lot of looking after. Meanwhile she needed help with the children.

The marriage ended badly and the children are fucked up.

wouldn't she have had the same issue if she was 40? or even 50 herself? someone falling this ill at 55 is not an age thing - most people don't "fall apart" at 55 and if be was dealt a bad luck card then this could have happened at any age

Watchkeys · 01/04/2023 18:45

Exl · 01/04/2023 13:39

I think anything over 10 years is a problem.

I know someone who, when she was 30, married a fit guy who was 50 and they had kids.

5 years later his body completely fell apart and he needed a lot of looking after. Meanwhile she needed help with the children.

The marriage ended badly and the children are fucked up.

So if she'd been 41 when she met him, that wouldn't have happened?

PousseyNotMoira · 01/04/2023 19:08

I’ll go five years, either way (at least, I did before I got married - DH is four years younger. I like men my age and consider that to be my age.

Things like being at a similar life stage (naturally, neither through precocity if they’re younger or through late blooming, if older) and cultural references are important to me. I’ve also always just been the most physically attracted to men of similar age to me.

xfan · 01/04/2023 23:32

Twinklewonderkins · 01/04/2023 12:37

I’m a woman and I’m 52. Partner of 3 years is 32.
we get on very well and I have met all his friends and family. He doesn’t want kids and the age gap has never been an issue. No one has said anything negative at least not to our faces. Physically he is a big hairy man and not boyish looking so maybe that helps.
like all relationships there are so many variables that could make it work (or not).
we have lots in common, go on holidays, to gigs, have an amazing social and sex life.
if I’d found a man my age who was a good match it have dated him, but so many were ready for the pipe/slippers stage and a lot were very sexist/racist/homophobic compared to younger men, and I think it’s likely that a lot of good ones are married and not available.

Have you entered the menopause yet? Just curious how that affects things, or you're on HRT?

Canyoureadmymind · 02/04/2023 00:08

How would going through the menopause affect their relationship? Are you insinuating her partner would find her less attractive?

xfan · 02/04/2023 00:42

Canyoureadmymind · 02/04/2023 00:08

How would going through the menopause affect their relationship? Are you insinuating her partner would find her less attractive?

It is known that one of the consequences of the menopause is the loss of libido (unless HRT is used), diminishing hormones affect many things in a woman's body.

Luredbyapomegranate · 02/04/2023 00:49

10 years absolute tops, ideally 5. Otherwise you are at different stages in the last third of your life.

Opentooffers · 02/04/2023 00:53

When you look at film and media, you don't half get the impression that men age better than women. However, having recently joined an OLD site for over 50's, in reality, no they don't. God awful mostly. Your choice is overweight or slimer because I smoke still - just no!