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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

DP sometimes says he misses me 5 times a day

36 replies

Toeragh · 30/03/2023 15:21

We don’t live together and have been dating for about a year. See each other on weekends and during the week maybe once or twice. It’s going well. He’s very affectionate which I like but has taken to saying he misses me a few times a day over message while we’re chatting. Would anyone else find this stifling?

OP posts:

PollyAmour · 30/03/2023 16:27

If it's giving you the ick, then the relationship is doomed. If it wasn't his needy text messages, it would be something else, you know that. The way he eats, or cleans his teeth, or even breathes will give you the ick next.

TheSpottedZebra · 30/03/2023 16:28

Does he ever use it as a conversation opener? Ie he wants to say hello but feels he should say something but he has not much else to say?

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 30/03/2023 16:34

So as per your update, once per day when you don't see each other on average, and you also say it to him. Not quite the ickfest it originally seemed.

Original poster

Toeragh · 30/03/2023 16:43

Yep @SissySpacekAteMyHamster thats fair

it’s just today it’s been three times

OP posts:

Original poster

Toeragh · 30/03/2023 16:44

I have actually analysed my messages and it is sometimes more than once per day but I do say it back. I’ll dial it back.

OP posts:

inky1991 · 30/03/2023 16:49

Men really can't do anything right sometimes! I think it's sweet, but if it is literally 5 times a day then fair enough it's a bit much. However I don't think saying it every day is so bad.

inky1991 · 30/03/2023 16:53

It looks to me like he's in the honeymoon period and you are not!

gerbilcrocus · 30/03/2023 16:55

inky1991 · 30/03/2023 16:49

Men really can't do anything right sometimes! I think it's sweet, but if it is literally 5 times a day then fair enough it's a bit much. However I don't think saying it every day is so bad.

Saying it once each day when you're apart is ok i suppose... But 5 times a day just makes me want to 🤮

whataboutism · 31/03/2023 08:58

Tell him to say how he feels in other ways. Like I want to kiss you or hug you. I'm an old married one and I still miss my hubby as soon as he leaves the door even if I could be upset with him. It's physical touch. So he might want to hug you or kiss you but say I miss you instead. BTW I never said that ever in real life. I would never admit to it. I'm my own woman. Absolutely feminist and independent.😉

gannett · 31/03/2023 09:17

Toeragh · 30/03/2023 16:05

What would you all do - would you break up? I think that’s a bit strong for where we are but have to admit it is giving me the ick. I think I will just respond to every second one or something. Like phase it out a bit. Maybe have a bit less contact in between.

You should talk to him about it, not try to phase it out without him realising.

As this thread illustrates there's no "normal" here, there's just what you personally are comfortable with. I would find it too much and you do too.

You don't need to skirt around these feelings for fear of offending your partner. Just bring it up with him and ask him to dial it back a bit. That's just good communication between partners. He might be doing it because he thinks you want to hear it, not realising you feel stifled.

Watchkeys · 31/03/2023 09:20

I think you need to take responsibility for your feelings. You're not looking for him to be 'normal', you're looking for him to be what you want. You're trying not to say that you feel this way, because you think you 'shouldn't'.

He is allowed to say he misses you as many times as he wants to. You are allowed not to want him to. He is speaking his feelings, you are not. Why? Why can't you just say to him, 'If you keep saying that so often, I'm going to get fed up hearing it'?

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