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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Uninvolved grandparents

95 replies

Amjk · 28/03/2023 15:25

Hey everybody. I’m just stuck and wanted to know other people’s opinions.
I have a 2 year old, and my husbands parents have never met him. They have told my husband they don’t ever want to meet him and they have disowned my son basically, all because they didn’t want us to get married as they would rather he had an arranged marriage to his cousin.
My problem is my husband allows this to happen, I feel like it’s wrong and he should defend his child. I told him if my parents ever done this I wouldn’t even speak to
my parents anymore. I would cut my family off for this. Thankfully my parents love my son and have been involved since the day he was born ❤️ however I just feel really disrespected as he’s got other children with his ex wife, his parents are involved in those children’s lives but just want nothing to do with my baby. Am I wrong for expecting him to cut his family off? I just feel as a father it’s his duty to defend his child and not let his family treat him like that.

OP posts:
Villssev · 28/03/2023 15:29

I am confused

he has no say in the matter

his parents have gone NC with him. And your husband has accepted that 🤷‍♀️

Villssev · 28/03/2023 15:30

Oh wait they still have a relationship with your husband

in that case…. He’s a spineless twat

DustyLee123 · 28/03/2023 15:30

Be glad you don’t have to see them. I wasted for too much of my life seeing the in-laws.

123wentaway · 28/03/2023 15:31

Do your DH parents still contact him but refuse to acknowledge yoyr child?
If so, then it is up to your DH to say it’s all of us or none. If he won’t I don’t suppose you can make him.
But grudging grandparents are really not worth having.

rogueone · 28/03/2023 15:37

If your DH is still seeing his parents I would pack his bag for him. That is shocking

Original poster
Amjk · 28/03/2023 15:52

Yeah exactly! In fact, he lives with them 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Amjk · 28/03/2023 15:53

@Villssev Yeah exactly! In fact, he still
lives with them 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Amjk · 28/03/2023 15:54

@DustyLee123 true! I don’t want to see them tbh, I’m just upset that he hasn’t cut them off. If my parents did this to my child I wouldn’t be speaking to them!

OP posts:
coconutpie · 28/03/2023 15:55

Your husband, who you have a 2 year old child with, still lives with his parents? Did I read that correctly?

Original poster
Amjk · 28/03/2023 15:56

@123wentaway yes they still contact him, he lives at his parents house. My son isn’t welcome there but his other kids are allowed. I just don’t get it

OP posts:
dittbtdity · 28/03/2023 15:57

Why would you want your child to have anything to do with these awful sounding people?

Wait! Are they very rich? Inheritance issues?

If not, let it go. If yes, well you do have a bit of a problem.

Original poster
Amjk · 28/03/2023 15:57

@rogueone i know. I just don’t get how they can treat a little baby like that. The second they found out I had the baby they told him to disown the child and leave me 😤

OP posts:
Original poster
Amjk · 28/03/2023 15:58

@coconutpie yess! 😂 he lives with them because they didn’t allow him to come live with me! He has bail conditions basically

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 28/03/2023 16:00

Amjk · 28/03/2023 15:58

@coconutpie yess! 😂 he lives with them because they didn’t allow him to come live with me! He has bail conditions basically

Why on earth are you using a laughing emoji? There is absolutely nothing funny about this. It's absolutely incredible that you choose to live like this. Divorce your useless husband and want more for your life.

Original poster
Amjk · 28/03/2023 16:00

@dittbtdity its not that I want my child to have anything to do with them, I don’t want my child anywhere near them! it’s just that I told my husband it’s wrong for him not to defend his son and to still speak to his family, he said there’s nothing wrong with it.

OP posts:
Flojo1979 · 28/03/2023 16:01

That’s what he’s telling you. Your DP can change his bail conditions easily. He’s using it as an excuse

Original poster
Amjk · 28/03/2023 16:01

@Aquamarine1029 i think I’m laughing because I realised how ridiculous this whole situation is 😩 he’s 36 and not allowed to come live with me because his parents say no… wtf… I think this post was just the wake up call I needed

OP posts:
Original poster
Amjk · 28/03/2023 16:02

@Flojo1979 thats what my friend keeps telling me!! Excuses after excuses

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 28/03/2023 16:02

I don’t understand why you have anything to do with your husband.

Flojo1979 · 28/03/2023 16:04

@Amjk then why are you putting up with this?
You know what you need to do. I’m not saying it’s easy but he’s behaving like a child.
Do you have a court date? in relation to the bail?

Aquamarine1029 · 28/03/2023 16:05

Amjk · 28/03/2023 16:01

@Aquamarine1029 i think I’m laughing because I realised how ridiculous this whole situation is 😩 he’s 36 and not allowed to come live with me because his parents say no… wtf… I think this post was just the wake up call I needed

At 36, he is choosing to live with his parents. You understand that surely?

You should be at a solicitor's office right now, FFS. What an obscene waste of your life.

Original poster
Amjk · 28/03/2023 16:06

@Ponderingwindow its hard when you have a child with someone :( he’s the one that works and pays for our bills. I gave up my education when I got pregnant and stuff. But as my child’s getting older I can start working so I’m considering my options now x

OP posts:
Original poster
Amjk · 28/03/2023 16:07

@Flojo1979 I know. It’s just hard to leave. The court date is sometime in July

OP posts:
Original poster
Amjk · 28/03/2023 16:07

@Aquamarine1029 thank you. You’ve really helped you know.. x

OP posts:
Flojo1979 · 28/03/2023 16:08

Is he likely to get custody or thrown out?

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